I tried to post this question before, and gave up lacking the words..so here is try two.
If any of you have read any of my posts, my marriage is in quite the hard place. I don't feel like we have hardly anything between us right now, but I'd like to work on it, as would he (so he says).
I can't trust the guy, I just can't. I did, up until june, and from june 2nd I've had every bad behavior I've ever seen from him re-appear, every lie, everything and I've had to cope with it all.
Here's my problem. I am big on communication and understanding. I don't even attempt to approach normal problems until I have fully analyzed where I'm right and wrong and what it looks like from his side, and then its a calm approach with a discussion, I hate arguements, I hate fighting, and nothing is solved that way.
Right now, I've dropped the big discussions, the attempts to do things to make us closer and any ideas that we're going to re-learn who we are (his idea) and why we love eachother.
He refuses to cooperate, refuses to discuss, and most of all, shows no improvement in his behavior.
The biggest problem I have, is that no matter what or how, I can't get him to see why I'm hurt. He outright refuses. He tells me I'm ridiculous, over-reacting, dwelling in the past, etc.
I am calm, I am rational, I've tried being angry and yelling. The only advice anyone has given me is to "do it back to him" and I am not that person, I'm better than petty nonsense like that.
so, how do I do it? If he could at least understand the hurt he's caused I'd feel a little more hope. So how do I get him to see what he did for what it is, as apposed to him justifying himself by believing "it could be worse"
is there even a way to express it to him?