Wife nagging etc
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-29-2010, 03:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 488
Default Wife nagging etc

Am I the only fella who thinks his wife constantly nags him about things?

I'm just so sick of everything I do gets taken for granted, but if I do one thing wrong I get a ear-bashing for it.
psychocandy is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-29-2010, 06:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
katie jane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Conwy Wales uk
Posts: 249
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

do you take her for granted ?
seems like maybe you are both stuck in a rut ?
what could you change to make things better .....sometimes rather then blaming its better take a hard look at yourself ...sometimes without realising you can become a cause to be nagged at ..

to be appriciated you need to appreciate
katie jane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 06:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
HappyHer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 553
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

Katie Jane is right. If your wife is nagging, it's because she doesn't feel emotionally validated by you. And, as this post would lead me to assume, you aren't feeling validated either.

She, and many other women, and men too - resorts to "nagging" (That's a harsh word by the way) - because they are trying very hard to feel heard. Their method isn't productive though as the other person usually gets angry, withdraws, or becomes resentful - but that's not the reason why the nagging person is doing what they are doing - they are doing it out of hurt and frustration and feeling unappreciated themselves.

There are a couple of things you can do here. You can say "Honey, I care about your happiness and it would really help me if you would come to me with suggestions instead of complaints" Give her an example of what that might look like to you using a generic example that she can understand, but won't sound like you are accusing or blaming her.

The next part of this is when your wife comes to you with something, the first thing you do is validate her. Don't suggest, fix, complain back - just accept her feelings - that doesn't mean agreeing with them, just accept them "I can understand that you feel frustrated, I might feel that way in this situation too" Chances are just validating her will take all the steam out of her angrier emotions, and she will feel cared for and more willing to communicate in more positive ways with you.

Now, keep in mind if she's been nagging for awhile, it can be an ugly habit, so you may have to work a bit harder for her to realize that she IS being listened to and that you DO care about what she is saying. Eventually the nagging will slow down considerably if not go away all together.
__________________
They say you are what you eat, so why not eat to promote passion, ultimate health and the utmost of sensuality? Plateful of Passion is The Guide to Creating Sensual Enhancement through your diet and how everyday foods can boost libido, and greatly improve your sex life featuring over 100 recipes!
HappyHer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 10:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 488
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie jane View Post
do you take her for granted ?
seems like maybe you are both stuck in a rut ?
what could you change to make things better .....sometimes rather then blaming its better take a hard look at yourself ...sometimes without realising you can become a cause to be nagged at ..

to be appriciated you need to appreciate
Yeh, maybe. But I dont do it on purpose....
psychocandy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 10:03 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 488
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHer View Post
Katie Jane is right. If your wife is nagging, it's because she doesn't feel emotionally validated by you. And, as this post would lead me to assume, you aren't feeling validated either.

She, and many other women, and men too - resorts to "nagging" (That's a harsh word by the way) - because they are trying very hard to feel heard. Their method isn't productive though as the other person usually gets angry, withdraws, or becomes resentful - but that's not the reason why the nagging person is doing what they are doing - they are doing it out of hurt and frustration and feeling unappreciated themselves.

There are a couple of things you can do here. You can say "Honey, I care about your happiness and it would really help me if you would come to me with suggestions instead of complaints" Give her an example of what that might look like to you using a generic example that she can understand, but won't sound like you are accusing or blaming her.

The next part of this is when your wife comes to you with something, the first thing you do is validate her. Don't suggest, fix, complain back - just accept her feelings - that doesn't mean agreeing with them, just accept them "I can understand that you feel frustrated, I might feel that way in this situation too" Chances are just validating her will take all the steam out of her angrier emotions, and she will feel cared for and more willing to communicate in more positive ways with you.

Now, keep in mind if she's been nagging for awhile, it can be an ugly habit, so you may have to work a bit harder for her to realize that she IS being listened to and that you DO care about what she is saying. Eventually the nagging will slow down considerably if not go away all together.
I think you might have a point. I think she gets more wound up if she does the cleaning and then sees me as disrespecting it by making a mess. Does that make sense?

Like I said though, I dont do it on purpose. And sometimes I get the feeling shes waiting to pick up on me for something.
psychocandy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 10:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 22,586
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

Not doing something on purpose...does that make up for the fact that you DID make a mess?

My husband is constantly saying 'I MEANT to do ABC...' - yet the end result is that he DIDN'T do it. He thinks that just because he had good intentions, I shouldn't care if ABC got done.

Do you see the similarity?

Making a mess IS doing it on purpose. You KNOW it upsets her, yet you do it.
turnera is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 10:57 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,120
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

women nag because they want to whip your butt but likely cant. if you disrespect something she has just put a major effort into (messing up her cleaning for example), and you just leave it, i would want to whip your butt too.


its interesting though, my wife runs behind me and the kids picking up the littlest mess, but she cannot pick up after herself to save her tail. she has trashed the house (you have no idea how bad) with her stuff but none of us can leave a candy wrapper on the counter without her swooping in to grab it. the point is, i wont listen to her nag about this subject, i shove it right back at her and she shuts up quick.
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2010, 11:23 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 384
Default Re: Wife nagging etc

All wives nag, just keep reading the posts on here, I'm pretty sure it's genetics!!
2Daughters is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Nagging I'mInLoveWithMyHubby General Relationship Discussion 35 12-08-2011 09:56 AM
Ruined Marriage - Cheating & Nagging Wife cancer123 Coping with Infidelity 6 11-02-2011 07:55 AM
Nagging wife??? AFW8 The Ladies' Lounge 58 05-10-2011 03:30 PM
Just a nagging wife????? WonderWoman General Relationship Discussion 10 04-20-2008 10:51 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:01 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage