My wife kicked me out of the house
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife kicked me out of the house

My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

So you must know that many women see porn as bad as an EA, I actually think its worse, I think its a perversion, an EA is usually just chatting, usually sexual inuendo, but usually not visual.

So your wife has let you know more than once how she feels about porn, but its worth the risk. Humm what tv show said dont do the crime if you cant do the time? What pastor thinks looking porn is ok?

Well maybe this is a scenaro of you never know what you got till its gone. Dont know what to tell you except if you get a second chance maybe now you will know what you are risking!

Good luck to ya.

Last edited by Brewster 59; 08-31-2010 at 10:07 PM.
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

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My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

My 18 year old relationship is about to end in the same fashion as yours. He did the same things you mention. I feel humiliated as a woman that he enjoyed porn more than me. I caugh him many many times but recently is been where I think he was out trying to meet people for sex....well I know he will miss me...but sometimes we have to do what we have to do...SORRY that happen to you..I CAN ONLY TELL YOU...I THINK SHE MAYBE MOVING FORWARD WITHOUT YOU
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

you would be wise to cut out porn all together and pick up another hobbie, something that's not going to hurt your partner if you ever stand a future with her. I don't understand why men do that anyway, especially when they are in a relationship its just asking for trouble. If my husband ever did that I would get a divorce. Watching porn is the same as cheating, wanting to watch a naked women means you want to have sex with her too. So I can see why you got kicked out. Go sneak back into the house when she is out , make the bed, cook a nice dinner and clean up a bit and tell her you were possessed by the devil, tell her the real you is back now.
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Let your wife know that you are willing to throw the computer away. Sell it on craigslist or ebay even. Or allow her to change the password and not give it to you. The bible says that if your eye offends you pluck it out [or something to that affect]. You don't need that computer in your home. The temptation will be too great. You will have weak moments. Its just like someone who overeats. If you can't stop eating cookies and chips throw them away and don't keep them in your house.
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

It's not over. You still have hope. Good luck btw.
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

For a grown man in 15 years of marriage to say he was "thrown out" of his own house for being "caught" watching porn, really I am just shaking my head in disbelief.

Here is a different perspective from the mostly destructive nonsense already posted in this thread.

First, you are not a 5 year old child, and your woman is not your mother. Get the notion out of your mind that you are "caught" watching porn.

(Now, the reality is that you got caught in a lie, that is another matter altogether and the real issue you SHOULD be addressing.)

Second, if your wife is so unhappy and so unreasonable then she can leave. Simple as that. That is unless the house is by some freak of your oversight only in her name or something.

And if by now she is still not willing to talk to you, then you need to either make an appointment with a marriage counselor, or a lawyer.

Get a hold of yourself, and do not let someone supposedly your life partner to treat you this way.

And these other things, to claim to change or be better next time, or do this or that to kiss her butt and make it better, that is never going to work.

Your relationship is most unhealthy for you to think you are to live your life as someone's slave or servant, much less a man in a relationship with a woman.

As for the porn, and the real issue which is the lying and sneaking, these are just sympoms of the bigger and simpler issue, to stop being afraid of your woman.

When you are wanting to discuss these real issues, there are many on this forum that will be able to help you.

I wish you well.


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Originally Posted by supermancs View Post
My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Wolf,

It's a lot more common problem than people think (being afraid).

When we finally "win" the one we want, we want them to want us.

But, of course, we know ourselves - so why would they want us?

Over time, you can work through this stuff. But, you have to bear down and really be honest about what's inside.
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Old 09-02-2010, 11:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Women will never understand men in this context. It's always so depressing to read such stories. Note to the ladies - most men watch porn... don't like it? Don't get married, seriously.

Do you really think you can change your husband so much? Would you have any respect for such a man?

Fine, sell the computer... next step, find a way to alter his brain waves so he can't even use his own imagination. That's not a marriage, that's a slave/master relationship. And do you want your husbands to be meek and subservient?
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Porn was an issue with me and my husband until I actually talked to him about how and why i felt the ways i felt. To me it was him using that instead of me. He has expressed that differently to me. He respects my feelings and i do his. In the end he doesnt do it any more or at least hardly at all.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Wolf,
I don't think she is being "unreasonable" in wanting her husband to stop watching porn when he is neglecting his family and home. She has asked him multiple times to stop because it hurts her and he didn't. As for the "life partner" part, that cuts both ways. He isn't being a partner to her if he is continuing to do something that hurts her so much. In fact, he is being totally disrespectful of her and the marriage.
Every marriage is different. For me, I don't have an issue with porn. Having said that if my husband repeatedly did something that I did have an issue with, was hurt by and didn't stop, I would have to reconsider what his priorities are and where I stood.
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Zammo,
I wouldn't have ANY respect for somebody who promised to love and honor me and then did something over and over that hurt me. Yes, most men watch porn. Me personally, I don't have an issue with this. She does and it hurts her. Asking him to stop and reconnect with the family and the home doesn't make her a "master".
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Wolf,
I don't think she is being "unreasonable" in wanting her husband to stop watching porn when he is neglecting his family and home. She has asked him multiple times to stop because it hurts her and he didn't. As for the "life partner" part, that cuts both ways. He isn't being a partner to her if he is continuing to do something that hurts her so much. In fact, he is being totally disrespectful of her and the marriage.
Exactly, we agree. If she is that unhappy, she can pack her bags very easily.

And if you read my post, I said the real issue, being caught in a lie.

The porn, him looking at pictures of women, that is merely a symptom of other issues.

Not remodeling the house, fixing things, working more, or whatever is some material request that he is thinking to heap on her, these things are never going to work to fix the real issues. Never.

For a man to be kissing butt of his woman, this is not the way for any man to make a woman happy, and actually will make both miserable and misery on top of misery, when the real solution is to work on the obvious issues.

Why is looking at porn instead of pursuing his fantasies with his woman?

WHy is his woman so insecure with pictures of women that she is going to, however this works I cannot imagine, "throw" her man out of the house?

Why is this man so afraid of his woman to address these first two issues?


Quote:
Every marriage is different. For me, I don't have an issue with porn. Having said that if my husband repeatedly did something that I did have an issue with, was hurt by and didn't stop, I would have to reconsider what his priorities are and where I stood.
Exactly.

If your man is not honoring your boundries and agreements, or you are not honoring his, you each certainly should consider where you want to build a life with each other. On this we could not agree more!

Last edited by BigBadWolf; 09-02-2010 at 07:55 PM.
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife kicked me out of the house

Big,
I agree with you that this is a symptom of a larger issue. Can you see however how this hurts her? Is looking (and it isn't "looking" let's be honest) not going to further contribute to her hurt? I don't think she is insecure in that she is upset that he ***** off to other women. Sorry, I don't see that. I think that she sees he is neglecting her and the family and sees THIS as the reason. I think it all boils down to neglect. If she was being taken care of, her needs, her wishes, etc., I don't think she would have thrown him out of the house. Now he is doing a mea culpa of "I love her, etc. etc" but she already told him what her boundaries are and he ignored them. I don't think she was irrational in this.
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