Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...
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Old 09-16-2010, 11:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

We have been married since March of 2004 and I adopted her child and we have another daughter together. Earlier this year my wife said she wanted a divorce because of the way I have acted over the last several years. That was a shocker to me because other than our little fights I had no knowledge of a problem. A lot from her past has come up and she was diagnoised with bi polar depression and prescribed meds that I am not sure she takes regularly. Anyways, I spend some time out of the house, but was constantly fighting for her. She goes back and forth telling me she is going to keep me and then telling me she isn't happy. Last night she said she thinks she wants this to work, but she doesn't know if it will. She says she is trying to fall back in love with me, but doesn't know if she can. She said if she didn't want it to work she wouldn't still be here. I know i annoy her with constantly asking if she still wants us or not and constantly telling her I love you. I want my family and I love her and want to make her happy, but don't know what will make her happy. I am scared of not waking up with my 3 girls everyday. I can't share with someone...
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Old 09-16-2010, 12:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

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Originally Posted by VanDiesel View Post
I know i annoy her with constantly asking if she still wants us or not and constantly telling her I love you.
It will annoy her. You are doting on her. You are appearing needy. What she needs to see is your commitment and confidence. Make sure she knows you are ready to fight for the marriage in your actions not words. Be confident in dealing with her so she wants to rely on you. Following her around with a mantra of "I love you" and "are we going to be OK" is counter productive.

Now explain to the forum what you think she is missing from you that she can't fall back in love. Just as important what are you missing in the marriage?
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Old 09-16-2010, 01:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

She just turned 30 and I have know idea what she is missing. We have had financial issues in the past, but have always gotten through everything. Things have been rough for her considering some family things she has found out, she has had a few surgeries including a historectomy(sp?) because of endodametrosis(sp?).

She is just saying she wants us, but doesn't know if it will work becaue she wants to be happy.
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Old 09-17-2010, 08:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

with her condition , diligent intake of her prescribed medication is imperative. it definately sounds like she isnt taking them as she should be with her being so wishy washy...if she IS then she needs to have them adjusted.
good luck and I hope it gets better for you, my father is Bi Polar and its hard enough to have relationship with HIM ..I couldnt imagine having to maintain a love relationship with someone like that.
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Old 09-19-2010, 10:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

Sounds like the only thing that will make your wife "happy" is a proper chemical balance in her brain.
There's not a lot you can do to make 14 different people happy. Especially when you never know which one you're around.
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Old 09-19-2010, 11:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife isn't happy and I don't know what to do...

Ah yes, the thrilling roller coaster which is marriage to someone with Bipolar. She isn't happy because she suffers from a serious malfunction which you didn't cause, you can't cure, and which really has nothing to do with you. If you could turn water into wine and raise the dead, she would still have this condition and it would still interfere with her life enjoyment. You will just have to develop a really really think skin and superhuman patience. The good news is that it is a roller coaster and the lows are followed by highs. If you ride it out, it will get better, but only temporarily.
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