Life just never is truly 50-50 in a marriage. If it was - perfectly 50-50 we would deadlock every single time we disagree. But that doesn't happen right?
So - sorry - but much as you hate the word - SOMEONE dominates the situation every time they get their way when the two parties disagree on how to proceed.
In my marriage it is 80-20. She gets her way at least 80 percent of the time. Fine by me. The 20 percent is the stuff that matters to me and in those cases we either do it my way or compromise in a way that I am happy with.
I have a simple and common scenario that most of the "nice guys" here simply have totally lost the ability to pull off. When I want to do something "new/different" I always give my W right of first refusal. We went on an extended family (her extended family) vacation a few summers back. I told her in advance that I was going to spend a day white water rafting. Now she has always told me she doesn't like rafting. I told her I would her company if she wanted to give it a shot, but was fine going without her if not.
She chose not to go but didn't for a moment think to try to discourage me from going - because
1. She is a good wife and
2. I would react very badly to her saying she didn't want to go and then trying to convince ME not to go
So my brother in law and I went had a great time. We came back that night and he and I were planning to go kayaking the next day. Funny thing - she asked to come - which was great. She came and we had the best time. He and I tipped over and she didn't. Quite funny really.
Back to being dominant. There are situations where you can only either go left or right. There IS no compromise in those situations. SOMEONE has to dominate. The nice guys posting - they have lost the ability to do that.
Honestly, what is wrong with some of you? Treat each other like adults--no ADULT wants to be dominated. Grow up and take responsbility for your own decisions.
If you must dominate to feel like a man, then you are acting like a boy. A man can feel manly without having to dominate another. If you disrespect a man because he does his fair share at home, then you are acting like a silly little girl who thinks people are trapped in roles.
I don't like a man or woman who cries out of anger, fear, or frustration. Children cry for those reasons.
Men like sexually aggressive women just as much as women like sexually agressive men--any man who does not has some issues b/c he needs to feel "in control" to feel sexual. Seriously, how many PEOPLE actually enjoy passive sexual partners? Yuck.
I would take everything that MEM says about MEN and say women should do the same. If your man takes out his bad mood on you, stand up for yourself. Geez, it's not rocket science--it's what strong, mentally healthy adults DO. Neither men nor women should let another person "dominate" them and frankly, if you do, you are acting CHILDISHLY and really need examine the very faulty nature of your assumptions about humans, sexuality, history, and a number of other things.
I completely support the men who are tired of being pushed around by their wives and want to stand up for themselves. I have NO tolerance for the argument, however, that standing UP for one's self somehow means you must DOMINATE the other. I have NO tolerance for any argument that suggests that somehow women are "naturally" more submissive and "need" to be dominated. If you buy into that, you are woefully ignorant of all that research and history show, and you are choosing to ignore the EVIDENCE that women, dominated by men, were and are miserable. Women in equal partnerships where their man STANDS UP for himself are happy.
I think most people--men and women--continue to fear the responsibility of acting like an ADULT b/c it might mean, going it alone. When you've accepted that "alone" is not the worst thing in life and you start standing up for yourself and accepting responsibility for your choices, then you are an adult and you will find real happiness. Everything else is just an illusion and will fade.