Okay, I didn't read all posts (don't have the time) but SA asked if nice guys were sensual lovers and high test. guys were erotic lovers.
Probably a true generalization.
Unless you are God's gift to women like me, who can be both
Seriously though, one thing I noticed is even though I have changed my approach to a relationship being a little more domineering, I was still the same in the bedroom (sensual).
I think I could bring out an erotic side though.
Anyway, I think somewhere Brennan had her skin crawl with the statement I made about Educated Women being more difficult.
Well, to just let her know, it was just a theory. Education = power and a man has to either ursurp the educated woman with more education or the woman has to surrender it in the marriage, if it's not going to work as a 50/50 partnership.
The man also has a responsiblility. He could really value his woman's intellect and seek her counsel often when making decisions.
The woman with a good intellect too could wear a nice secretary outfit, with her hair in a bun and little curls down by her ears - you know - the hot, repressed librarian look.
Anyway, my next woman I want to date, I am going to seek out a check-out girl, a medical assistant or something and see what and how if the dyamic is different. I would assume there would be less in common.
I just wonder if the women are holding back how they really feel, or do they not recognize for themselves what they truly want?
Bingo.
I have stated it several times, there is a distinct difference between what women will define as attractive from an intellectual standpoint, which may not necessarily reconcile with what they find viscerally attractive at a primal level.
Quote:
Almost seems like many women almost settle for the nice guy when they get married - then later find themselves craving the guy with the motorcycle and tatoos (or batsuit and batmobile).
I posted this in the "Apples" thread but it is germane to this discussion as well. The truth is ... they want both.
Almost seems like many women almost settle for the nice guy when they get married - then later find themselves craving the guy with the motorcycle and tatoos (or batsuit and batmobile).
I wore this to the bedroom one night. . .but somehow it didn't go over well.
I thought Wonder Woman would be there when I popped through the door.
Deejo, NG,
Lets say you have to choose between 5 women. They are identical in every way save one. They all have a different level of desire for conflict.
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it.
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations.
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner.
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason.
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time.
So lets turn the tables for a moment. What kind of woman do YOU guys want?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
Bingo.
I have stated it several times, there is a distinct difference between what women will define as attractive from an intellectual standpoint, which may not necessarily reconcile with what they find viscerally attractive at a primal level.
I posted this in the "Apples" thread but it is germane to this discussion as well. The truth is ... they want both.
Deejo, NG,
Lets say you have to choose between 5 women. They are identical in every way save one. They all have a different level of desire for conflict.
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it.
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations.
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner.
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason.
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time.
So lets turn the tables for a moment. What kind of woman do YOU guys want?
MEM,
How are you? Happy day
I am waiting for their answers. Looks like I have to check this thread tomorrow. I am going to bed!
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it. - No Lying - gone
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations. - I'm not a mind-reader and don't want to be - gone
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner. - Sounds a lot like me - a definite maybe
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason. - I don't mind the aggressive part, and I think conflict can be helpful; don't care much for the '*****y for no reason' part;
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time. - a simple no
I am going to show a few cards here at risk of biasing the responses. The "higher" you go on the aggression scale the more "real" the relationship. The more comfortable your partner is with "conflict" the more comfortable they are with being "UN comfortable". This absolutely plays out in and out of the bedroom.
The more aggressive she is the clearer picture you have of where you stand overall. With what she likes/dislikes. She WILL hurt your feelings more often and most likely WON'T surprise you with an out of the blue walk away.
That said, the higher on the scale she is the more she CRAVES real conflict. This is different than craving victory/always wanting to get her way. In fact, if her "win rate" is 100 percent she will cease to see it as conflict and it will just become bullying/overpowering a weak/helpless partner and THAT will harm/kill the marriage.
So if you like a W4 that is fine as long as you recognize and accept that for her to respect (and without that you have nothing) you, it is necessary to give her the high quality conflict she wants/needs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM11363
I am going to turn this around.
Deejo, NG,
Lets say you have to choose between 5 women. They are identical in every way save one. They all have a different level of desire for conflict.
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it.
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations.
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner.
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason.
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time.
So lets turn the tables for a moment. What kind of woman do YOU guys want?
Deejo, NG,
Lets say you have to choose between 5 women. They are identical in every way save one. They all have a different level of desire for conflict.
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it.
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations.
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner.
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason.
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time.
So lets turn the tables for a moment. What kind of woman do YOU guys want?
I've been with all of them ... not at once.
#1 You never knew where you actually stood with this woman.
#2 I married a 2. Things are great, while things are going great.
#3 Was college. We had a wonderful thing going, but I was not ready to settle into an LTR. She took her leave. I respected that.
#4 I was engaged to a 4. I will stress that she was far more upbeat and positive then she was b!tchy. She had strong opinions but would acknowledge sound reasoning. But, occasionally she would wander wildly off the reservation so to speak.
#5 Dated twice. No thanks ...
I would say I am combination of # 3 & # 4, I don't mind conflict, my husband would even say I "enjoy" it , not because I like to fight with people though, I just LOVE real communication & this sometimes creates conflict. I think I am constructive in handling it, even he would say I would have to have "a reason" to outright bi***. No doubt I can do it well when there IS a reason though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
I posted this in the "Apples" thread but it is germane to this discussion as well. The truth is ... they want both.
I absolutely agree with this ! We do want both, we want the best of both worlds. Bad Guys Get the Girls, Good Guys Keep Them. This was at the ending of that article. I agree with this. And statistics will bear it out. Even in my books discussing Testosterone , the men with lower levels have less affairs on their wives & these marragies have less divorces.
The HIgh Test guy may be Exciting, Exhilerating & passionately Lustful in bed, he may also be charmingly daring, strong & humorous, BUT he is also more arrogant, moody, rebellious, vulgar, shrewd, and slanderous, he often has a roving eye, loves variety & has to put this part of himself down, he is more prone to masterbate, go off alone in his cave, be irritable, always in control- possbily trying to control his wife & children. Women may want some of this but certainly not the whole package.
Then enters the Nice Guy, the Fatherly type, he may not need his cave so much, may give & lavish more affectionate attention to his wife & children, but his Passivity is not all that "Exciting" to this same woman, so she may dream of that Daring Bad Boy, but she has to remember, he is SO difficult to tame, He is mostly good for a short roll in the hay, not necessarily for a life partner & Father. So what do we really want- ultimately?
A TAMED bad boy may be the perfect ticket but how rare a find.
This article was more about the Fatherly type of man, but I think it also covers what we call the "Nice Guys' as well -they are more domestic, happy, peaceable, bookish, moral, gentle, compassionate, frank, and shy. I definetly consider my husband a true & true "Fatherly type" in line with this article.
W3 is my second choice. Less pain, but less pleasure than W4. W4 is my first choice - *****iness and all. The over the top behavior is more than offset (for me) by the raw, edgy reality of being so deep inside someone else's head that the boundaries between the two of you tend to completely blur out. Plus having a partner who is consistently mixing the soft, loving, gentle stuff with the intense, rough harsh stuff is utterly fascinating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy
Woman 1: Hates conflict. Will actually directly lie to avoid it. - No Lying - gone
Woman 2: Dislikes conflict. Will NOT proactively tell you when she is unhappy. She will however acknowledge her feelings in a half assed and watered down manner if you ask her direct questions about specific situations. - I'm not a mind-reader and don't want to be - gone
Woman 3: Is neutral on conflict. Doesn't like it or dislike it. I would describe this woman as "classically assertive". She handles situations in a "textbook" manner. - Sounds a lot like me - a definite maybe
Woman 4: She is moderately aggressive. She likes conflict and can be biitchy at times without reason. - I don't mind the aggressive part, and I think conflict can be helpful; don't care much for the '*****y for no reason' part;
Woman 5: She is pure alpha. Wants to be in control all the time. - a simple no
LOL - very good. I really think the best match for ANYONE is the most aggressive person they can actually handle. And I do not mean handle in a derogatory manner.
The reason I believe that is because that person - makes you stretch. They DO push your boundaries and half the time you have to smack them down for being crazy. Ah - but the other half you push yourself and reach a place that you NEVER would have gotten to on your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
I've been with all of them ... not at once.
#1 You never knew where you actually stood with this woman.
#2 I married a 2. Things are great, while things are going great.
#3 Was college. We had a wonderful thing going, but I was not ready to settle into an LTR. She took her leave. I respected that.
#4 I was engaged to a 4. I will stress that she was far more upbeat and positive then she was b!tchy. She had strong opinions but would acknowledge sound reasoning. But, occasionally she would wander wildly off the reservation so to speak.
#5 Dated twice. No thanks ...
In this example, a 3.5 would probably be my best fit, but I married a 4.5.
SA - you are describing the way I was brought up to believe life should go. Young girl experiments with the "bad boy" before settling down and marrying the "nice guy." But here on this board, she marries the nice guy first, then gets bored after 10-15 years and goes looking for what she thinks she's been missing.
LOL - very good. I really think the best match for ANYONE is the most aggressive person they can actually handle. And I do not mean handle in a derogatory manner.
The reason I believe that is because that person - makes you stretch. They DO push your boundaries and half the time you have to smack them down for being crazy. Ah - but the other half you push yourself and reach a place that you NEVER would have gotten to on your own.
I had the most chemistry with my 4. She was just flat out fun. She distinctly did NOT like when I pushed back. She expected me to agree with her.
Wow.....another form of putting people in a box.....I think this poll is a crock too along with the domination principle nothing more than fancy wordplay. Domination should = loving, caring, honest, focused, forthright, loyal, etc etc etc Domination for the sake of saying I'm Alpha is a crock.
This poll is the same.........my wife is a self proclaimed conflict avoider aka people pleaser. She will go out of her way to make others happy I am very much the same especially in my family's case. I willingly and 99% of the time happily sacrifice so others can have more of ____________(fill in the blank). Even though we both try to please others we are both (especially her) gut wrenchingly honest because we both want happiness for others and those around us there is no conflict. We bend, we compromise, we sacrifice for the well being of others. I can count on 1 hand the amount of "yelling" arguments we've had since we got married over 12Yrs+ ago!!
As far as how any of this correlates to the bedroom.....good luck with trying to connect those dots
NG,
She IS missing something and that is the point. At risk of making this up on the fly and being completely wrong in terms of "generalizations" I will describe our situation.
My "default" setting is a 3. She is set at 4 - but ranges from 3 to 5. What I have learned to do is respond "in the moment" to her aggression level. When she gets surprised by something and goes to a 5 by accident she gets the "3" level defuser treatment. If she directs the 5 at ME, she immediately gets a 4, with a non-verbal warning that I am about to go to a 5.
But this only works if you can jack your aggression levels WITHOUT losing your temper. If you can stay calm while inflicting consequences that is a skill of near infinite value if you have an aggressive partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy
In this example, a 3.5 would probably be my best fit, but I married a 4.5.
SA - you are describing the way I was brought up to believe life should go. Young girl experiments with the "bad boy" before settling down and marrying the "nice guy." But here on this board, she marries the nice guy first, then gets bored after 10-15 years and goes looking for what she thinks she's been missing.
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Re: Modern Men (Warning...long) 
