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Modern Men (Warning...long)

47K views 437 replies 38 participants last post by  Deejo 
#1 ·
I've been on marriage sites like this one for years trying to figure out what was wrong with my marriage. Over the last 13 years the relationship dynamic has changed between my wife and I.

I did everything that is considered the gold standard to try to put us back on the right course. I helped with the cleaning, I cooked, I did dishes, helped with the laundry, prepared surprise romantic dinners, teased her, left love notes, everything everyone suggests to try to "get her in the mood".

Nothing worked. My wife never really flat out rejected me much. Mostly she just ignored my advances, which, to be honest, was worse than straight rejections. I did have my share of rejection but more often than not she would just ignore me.

I blamed her for a lot of the problems. It was her fault I was our sex life sucked, it was her fault I wasn't happy.

Then I started stumbling across posts from different men on the forums I had visited. People like MEM, BigBadWolf, and others. The things they said seemed alien to me at the time.

When I was growing up, my mother was the authority figure in the home. My dad was a passive, hard working, honest man who never really made a decision of his own in his life. At times though, he held a lot of anger. He was passive-aggressive, but not often. Never abusive, and always terrified of making my mother angry. I would always hear him telling his friends and co-workers, "I can't do that, it would upset my wife." To me, this was normal. And it was, with all my male relatives. Their wives ran the house, the husbands brought home the money in most cases.

To get to the point, most of the men in my family, circle of friends, and co-workers were this exact same way...and so was I.

From the time I was a boy, I was taught to treat women like princesses. To put them on a pedestal. I was taught to treat my sister different than I would treat my brother. Taking queues from my male role models, I learned that the way to make a woman deliriously happy was to give in to her every whim. To do everything she asked, even if I it was the last thing I wanted to do, because it made them happy. I was that, and I saw it through example. This "education" translated to others as well. If anyone would ask me for help, I was there. I would do anything for anyone, and I did.

From reading posts from people like MEM and BBW, I couldn't quite grasp what they were saying. I mean, I did, but it didn't make any sense. So, I started reading more. Articles on male dominance, etc. Things started to make sense, but dominance as it was being explained sounded like I would just be another a-hole. There was a balance that was missing.

I eventually noticed quite a few threads around the net referring to a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I bought it and read it and in that book I found the balance I was thought was missing.

My problem was the true lack of a MALE role model in growing up. There were few MEN that I could have looked to. My maternal Grandfather was the only on.

You, I learned the problem with most modern men (the last two or three generations) is that we have, for the most part, lost how to actually be men.

We have no boundaries to what type of behaviors are unacceptable to us. We put up with nagging, *****ing, public scolding, and a whole laundry list of other things. Why? Because we don't have the balls to draw the line in fear of "angering the wife". We have no regard for our OWN happiness, and therefore, most of us are miserable in relationships.

We do everything for our wives and nothing for ourselves. We say things like, "Honey, I'd really like to have a new XXXX. Can I buy one please?" Exactly like we did when we were little boys. I don't know what woman finds actions such as this attractive.

The other thing that women I've talked to find irritating and unattractive is the old, "I don't care, whatever you want." This ranges from wanting input on paint colors for the house to where to go for dinner. We have an opinion, why are we afraid to express it? This example, I believe, is a woman offering her man an opportunity to lead. Women WILL test us to see if we are willing to 1) lead 2) protect and 3) provide.

I will admit, through almost all of my marriage, I was a solid provider, but that was it. I gave up all my friends and hobbies, for my wife. This always gnawed at me, but I was "taught" this was the way things were.

After looking at all the married men around me and having my eyes opened, I saw it was the way things were, but not the way things "should" be. All the things I was expected to give up, and that my wife didn't approve of, she had, and I didn't.

Where I asked permission to buy something, she just bought it. Where I asked permission to go out, she just told me and went.

Slowly, over time, she lost all sexual interest in me, but she was happy with the life I provide her and she was ok with things the way they were. After finally figuring myself out, and finally understanding what she really wanted from me, I started changing. So far, it has been tough for us both. She resists because I'm upsetting her apple cart. I'm taking her out of her comfort zone, but I finally realized that was NOT the life I wanted to lead. I WILL not lead that life, even if it means parting ways.

It was an eye opening day when I realized all the men I was surrounded by, myself included, had no balls. We were/are AFRAID of our wives and would not stand up for ourselves for anything. We are getting exactly the life we deserve.

Oddly enough, I notice it everywhere now and it is a constant reminder to keep working on myself. If you want to know what I'm talking about, watch any of the husband / wife type sitcoms on TV.

I learned that my wife can NOT make me happy, only I can. My wife is there kind of like a polish, to make that happiness just that more beautiful to experience. We are far from there, and may not get there, but I'm now willing to pursue my happiness, with or without her.

Anyway, I see a lot of the same traits from most of the men that post here who have the same problems I'm trying to correct now. I'm having some success, but its going to be a long road.

We, as men, have to relearn how to be men.
 
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#394 ·
SA,

I believe this kind of friendship exists. If the man has high moral standards, he won't treat you disrespectfully. And don't forget, your friendship with him is all out in the public, not secretly, he is your husband's friend also.

BBW has his point too. If a man without high moral standards wants to engage in conversation with a gorgeous woman, then his motivation is not that sincere. I believe, men are still men, they use their little brothers to think when they see pretty women.

I long for male friendship, I enjoy talking to men, but in my real life, I don't talk to men. On forums, I had got myself into trouble, I was naive to believe that it is OK to be with friends on the Internet, I didn't set up boundaries. Men who I talked to on a Chinese forum were only interested in me for my sexual side, not the wisdom side, which made me feel vary sad, I wanted to talk to them about life, but all they wanted to talk was sex. I had to stop going there because it went too far. My husband said if everything is out on the forum, it is OK. My husband is a MAN, he knows what's going on in a man's head. That's why on my profile, I say that I don't feel comfortable answering private messages from men. It is learned from former experience. It is also my husband's protection for me. He doesn't mind me talking to men out on the forum about sex and life, he knows that there are a lot of things in my head. He likes it that I share our sex life with people, you can call him a sick bastard here, but his only request is out in the public. I love my husband so much that I do whatever he requests. I would love to have male friends, but talking to them out on the forum is enough for me and it gives the friends and me and our marriages a lot of protection.

But you are lucky, you can have a close male friend in your life. I don't know how often this can happen. It is also like happy marriages, there are happy marriages, but how many there?
 
#395 ·
SA,

I believe this kind of friendship exists. If the man has high moral standards, he won't treat you disrespectfully. And don't forget, your friendship with him is all out in the public, not secretly, he is your husband's friend also.

BBW has his point too. If a man without high moral standards wants to engage in conversation with a gorgeous woman, then his motivation is not that sincere. I believe, men are still men, they use their little brothers to think when they see pretty women.
Thank you very much GreenPearl, I know in your culture this is totally forbidden, but still you long for it to some extent. I am so happy you found THIS wonderful forum to be able to do this kind of thing in the boundaries that your husband allows & feels comfortable with. I don't feel he is sick at all, I think he is being a good husband to allow you this freedom on forums.

I never trusted guys when I was younger, maybe I was not so niave as others, if they flirted, I wanted nothing to do with them, I never trusted any of their BS. I pretty much from the beginning told them all they would have to put a ring on my finger before getting into my pants. I was even shy back then but assertive enough to set MY boundaries-very clear. My husband was one of the few who stuck around. So I pretty much sifted those who truly cared about me from those who had simply LUST on thier minds.

I was hoping I explained my reasoning for my husband's allowance of these things. Coming from YOU Greenpearl, becaues of the forbiddeness, that just means alot.

We mostly hang with couples in real life, but we obviously have our divorced & now single again friends, Male & Female, all of them are friends with US BOTH. This is an absolute must. ;)
 
#401 ·
I wouldn't want my husband to have any close female friends. My husband likes coffee, not just drinking coffee, he likes making coffee and roasting coffee beans. He used to go to this coffee shop, and the owner is a woman. They have good conversation together talking about coffee stuff, and sometimes my husband sent her emails asking to buy coffee beans. My husband's email account is open to me, one time I saw one email was not about asking coffee, it was talking about something else. I went to her shop with my husband a few times, I could sense she wasn't very nice to me. I got very upset and forbid my husband from talking to that woman again. He stopped going to that coffee shop for his coffee beans, my price was to buy him a coffee bean roaster. I am very glad that my husband didn't tell me that it was OK for him to talk to women privately. That woman was very sad when my husband told her he was going to roast his own beans. I don't care.

So for the same reason, when my husband block my forum and shut down my email account, I didn't say anything.

But my situation was different, those men had other intention. I asked them not to talk about sexual stuff privately, they didn't listen. They didn't respect me or my husband. What they got was I disappeared.

Maybe in western countries, it is OK to have friends not the same sex. In eastern culture, it is not common. After a woman or a man is married, they stop associating with the opposite sex, unless couple with couple. Or woman with woman, man with man.

But some women are hurt by their close female friends, her husband got interested in her friend. That's double betrayal.

Never let your female friends near your husband.

OH MAN. I hate people who cheat!!!!!
 
#402 ·
GP - I think it works sometimes - having friends of the opposite sex.

One thing that makes SA's situation a bit different is that both she and her husband have known this guy for a long time. SA's friend sounds like a "friend of the marriage."

I doubt he's still biding his time after 18 years - we men are not that patient!!!
 
#403 · (Edited)
I agree it can happen in western culture.

I do feel that in western culture, men have more respect for women. But in eastern culture, men don't respect women like western men do. we are taught not to be close to the opposite sex. I don't even feel comfortable sitting beside my brother-in-law. I never try to be close to men in my real life.

I started going to forums in May this year, after some unpleasant incidents, I learned even more about Chinese men. I learned it is right not to be close to men. It is OK if all the conversation is being watched by others, never ever privately.
 
#404 ·
Why do Women Leave Men?

Hmmm ... this all sounds somehow familiar ... can't quite put my finger on where I've heard this stuff before ... for free, no less ;)

Courtesy of author David DeAngelo, author of "Double Your Dating"

We can banter back and forth ad nauseum that being assertive, confident, dominant, alpha, is misguided, crap, or stereotypes. I'm fine with that. Results may vary ...

My goal is to be a better, more attractive partner whether I'm with someone or not. There are distinct skills and tools involved in being better at relationships. 'Be yourself' doesn't help much if 'yourself', consistently runs into the same issues.

Why do women leave men? Interesting question, isn't it ?

We've all had women leave us...

And we've all been in the situation, wondering why she was leaving... and willing to do literally ANYTHING to get her to stay.

Read the following scenarios, and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of them:

* You met an incredible woman, and you really hit it off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with her, the less interested she became... but the MORE interested you became. You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually she just stopped seeing you, but she never explained why in a way that made any sense...
* You were seeing a woman for several months, maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine. But then one day she came to you and said "I don't know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE... some time to 'find myself'... it's not YOU, it's ME"... but her time "alone" turned into her seeing some other guy that didn't treat her half as well as you did...
* You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the woman you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you'd always work through whatever came up, and she would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, she started acting strange... she started to become more controlling and angry... no matter how hard you tried to make her feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then she dropped the bomb that she didn't love you anymore, and she was leaving. Or maybe she cheated on you, then told you as her way of breaking up...

...of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I'll bet you can identify with one of them.

I can identify with ALL of them. In fact, I've been through each of them... some more than once.

And I'll tell you... I can remember the PAIN and the DESPERATION I felt each time.

I mean, it SUCKED. I hated it.

Probably the WORST part of it was the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that went along with each time.

It's bad enough having the woman you like or love leave you... but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you don't know how to change things, and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT is just plain depressing.

Again, if you've been there, nod silently with me...

Now let's talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.


THE PROBLEM ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK

The first thing you must realize in this type of situation is that the problem you're dealing with isn't what you think it is.

Most guys naturally assume that the woman is leaving them because he's not being "nice" enough, or he's not giving her what she wants, or he's not being a good boyfriend... etc.

Or they assume that this is just "one of those things that happens", that "feelings change" and that there's really nothing he could have done anyway.

Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most guys think, are DEAD WRONG.

So STEP ONE is for you to realize that what you THINK you know is WRONG. Throw it out.

Start over, and open your mind to a new way of seeing things. I'll share more on this later.


YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAME

Now I want to talk about what NOT to do.

I know that this is going to sound pretty obvious, but if what you're doing isn't working in a particular situation, you need to STOP.

Don't keep doing what's not working.

In other words, if the woman you love is breaking up with you, and you've been being nice to her, doing whatever she wants, and telling her that you'll do anything to make it better... if only she'll stay... then STOP.

Stop doing that.

Whatever it is you're doing that isn't working ISN'T WORKING. Duh.

So stop it immediately.

More of the same is only going to get you more of what is happening.


WHY ATTRACTION IS SO IMPORTANT

One of the main reasons why I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to these types of situations, the REAL underlying reason for them is usually that the woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION anymore.

When it all boils down, she just plain does not FEEL IT.

Now, a woman will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is the problem.

Women have all these ideas in their heads like "I can't tell him how I REALLY feel because I don't want to hurt his feelings" and "I can't tell him what's going on because I don't want to emasculate him" and "It's just easier if I just go away". Love it.

But when you take away all of the B.S., and you get right to the core of what's going on, you'll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION... or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION.

I'm going to say something that's pretty bold right now. Get ready.

If you do not know how to make a woman feel the GUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are going to be out of control in relationships, and will very likely have women leave you for the rest of your life.

There is no security when you don't "get it" in the ATTRACTION department.

And you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Women KNOW that they have the upper hand with most men.

As a guy, you can FEEL IT when a woman "has you by the balls".

And even if she's not evil or mean, a woman can still crush you emotionally when she's in this powerful position.

Well, guess what?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GIVES HER THIS POWER.

And if you choose, you can KEEP this power for YOURSELF.


SOLVE THE PROBLEM BEFORE IT STARTS

Now, the BEST way to deal with this particular problem is to SOLVE it BEFORE it even starts.

The absolute most important prevention method is an understanding of female psychology and ATTRACTION.

Here are a few pointers to get you started:

1) Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

Women don't feel ATTRACTION for weak men.

Sure, if you chase a woman for long enough, and buy her enough things, she may "fall" for you. But in that case it's not because she feels ATTRACTION for you. OHHHHH NO. It's because she feels AFFECTION for you, and she confuses it with ATTRACTION.

So if your Inner Wussy has been taking the wheel, EVICT IT! *****-slap the Wuss out of yourself. Do it now.

2) Don't be PREDICTABLE.

Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction.

If a woman can guess what you're going to do or say, you're being predictable.

If she CAN'T guess what you're going to do or say, she'll always be wondering...

Now, keep in mind that women are MUCH better at predicting behavior than men.

So if you're going to stop being predictable, then you're going to need to LEARN how.

To begin with, PAUSE before you do and say things. Think about what you'd normally do, then DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure.

Predictable is BAD BAD BAD for business.

3) Don't be BORING.

Boring is the bastard child of Predictable.

When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially BORING.

Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion, energy, humor, and ATTRACTION.

Unfortunately, most men are REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLLLY boring.

I mean like shoot-yourself boring.

Like, if there was a "Boring Score" that took into account everything from food to clothing to interests to conversation, most men would score a 99.75 on a 100 scale.

It's a bad situation.

I used to be pretty damn boring myself, so boring, in fact, that I could probably be certified as an expert on the topic.

So take it from me, BORING is BAD.

I don't care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it.

A few quick ideas:

Take up an interesting hobby. Think wine collecting, not comic book collecting.

Mountain biking, not chemistry.

Fashion, not X-Box.

You feel me?

Now, this is just a taste.

More important than what you do and talk about is HOW you do it and talk about it.

There is a way to communicate with women that prevents you from being boring. I suggest that you pay attention to the things you're learning from me so you "get it".


IF THINGS GET BAD, BREAK UP FIRST

Now I'm going to REALLY stick my neck out.

This one is going to make the little baby hairs stand up on the backs of necks of women all over the world...

If you find yourself in one of these bad situations that I mentioned above, and you sense that the woman in your life is about to leave, then BREAK UP WITH HER FIRST.

DO IT.

Don't hesitate.

Cut the line.

Hit the road.

No matter what your emotions tell you to do, you have to end it FIRST.

If you want to have ANY chance of having things work out in the LONG RUN, then you need to TAKE CONTROL of the situation, and BREAK UP WITH HER.

From this position, you will then be able to see things more clearly, and she will be about 100 times more likely to want to work things out with you.

If you REALLY want to increase your chances of having things work out, then you should also start dating other women as well.

But let's not talk too much about that, because I'm already in the danger zone here.

If you take the time to think about it, you'll realize that breaking up with her FIRST is the best possible thing you can do.

As you've heard me say quite a few times, it's important to give a woman the GIFT of MISSING YOU.

Never is it more important than in one of THESE situations.

I know, this is a damn hard thing to do when you're in the heat of the moment... but if you don't do it, you'll probably wind up with her leaving... and you feeling that lame POWERLESS feeling that I described earlier.

OK, so to wrap, let me talk about one more thing...

As I mentioned before, the REAL thing that causes women to LEAVE comes down to the man in her life not understanding ATTRACTION and how to make her FEEL IT for him.

And, as I mentioned, no woman is EVER going to TELL this to you.

Instead, she's just going to LEAVE.

When I first started learning all of this stuff about how to be successful with women and dating, I had NO IDEA that I would wind up solving the mystery of why women LEAVE men.

I was only looking for the answer to how to get a woman in the first place... I never even thought about KEEPING one once I got her...

But now I realize that this particular topic usually winds up being the most important one, because once you find that amazing woman, and get something good going, you certainly don't want to LOSE her.

And when you find yourself in the situation, and you realize that the woman you have is about to leave... you would basically do ANYTHING to stop it.

Of course, at that point it's usually TOO LATE to do anything... which sucks.

So one of the most important things you can do RIGHT NOW in your life is to learn how and why women feel ATTRACTION for some men... and how to make women feel it for you.

And what's the best way to do it?
Short answer ... buy my program. I wish the author luck, but I think I'm good.
 
#408 · (Edited)
Hmmm, I was ready to leave my huge reply -with many of BBW's questions answered, then started reading some of these newer replies- all so in perfect agreement.

I have a feeling I will get verbally "Stoned" on this thread for my differing thoughts/ ways within our marraige regarding opposite sex friendships.

Maybe best left unsaid.
 
#410 ·
My wife has guys that take her to lunch at work I don't care! They all know she is married.......many of them have met me too. My wife and I talk so much and are so wrapped up in each others worlds it would nearly impossible to have a affair more than some random ONS on a business trip.

We text 4-10x a day, call every 1-3hrs, we're home together every night. No girls nights outs or boys nights out, but we both have friends that are the opposite sex.

Granted neither of us would say "Hey I'm going to go hang out with Kim (for me) or Mark (for her) that would be wierd.

If your in love and life is great you don't go looking for affairs that's our medicine.
 
#414 · (Edited)
People who are too confident of themselves usually fall badly.

A lot of women would never guess that their husbands are having sex with their close female friends. When they find out, they just go crazy............................

Men are men, when they see women, how many of them really respect the women's intellectual brain? How many of them don't use their penises to think when they see this gorgeous woman in front of them?

If the woman doesn't have a strong will, won't she fall badly and become these men's prey?

Year long friends are different. They have gained the trust.

Definitely not new ones.
 
#417 · (Edited)
BBW,

Since you are an advice giver, not an advice seeker.

I do hope that you shorten your posts so they can benefit all of us.

Again, I respect you a lot for being a GREAT HELPER on the forum.

I adore you for being A MANLY and LOVING MAN.

But remember, you want all of us to learn from you advice.

Long posts tire me out.

After sometime, I just stop reading long posts.

I don't know about others.

My opinion.
 
#418 ·
BBW, you are not a woman so how can you possibly know that a woman--apparently any woman, all women--would find a man doing housework to be unattractive?

People who are comfortable with their adult sexuality do not need rigid gender roles or stereotypes. Sexuality is inherent in the person, first and foremost. Once you are aware of and accepting of that, feeling sexual is a normal part of life. One does not have to see (or avoid) certain things to feel sexual.

Please stop imposing your very narrow and sexist view of "what women want" on WOMEN. Maybe some poor guys will buy it, thinking that it is "dominance" that turns on their wives when, in fact, it will be simple JOY at finding a sexually aggressive EQUAL and a partner willing to express a freaking opinion. I used to have seduction fantasies (along with other kinds), but as I became more comfortable with my sexuality, those became boring and not the least bit of a turn-on.

I can see why most men prefer to date younger women. Between the talk of the "need" to be dominant, spanking a wife, and wanting her to shave her pubic hair, I can't help but think that a lot of men never really grow up and prefer to have sex with a child-like female. Yet, I've seen some fine examples here of men who take responsibility for their decisions and want women to do the same. (And before anyone thinks I'm ignoring the obvious, yes, there are a lot of women who need to grow up, too. But I already said that, in another thread.)
 
#420 ·
I can see why most men prefer to date younger women. Between the talk of the "need" to be dominant, spanking a wife, and wanting her to shave her pubic hair, I can't help but think that a lot of men never really grow up and prefer to have sex with a child-like female.
Touche' on sexist and inflammatory. How did bush, or lack thereof get dragged into this? Women shaving is our fault too? I just assumed they were all competitive swimmers ...
 
#419 ·
If BBW's wife doesn't work, it's all fair for her to take the share at home. Because being a man working all day and providing for the family is not easy. He deserves a sweet home to come back to. A sweet home and wife makes him want to come home right away after work.

If his wife works, and he doesn't share house chores at home, then it's not fair, but I don't think this is the case at his house.

And he claims himself for being a very happy and faithful man, I think at least his wife is doing a great job to keep this man.

We being outsiders shouldn't jump to conclusion accusing him for anything. If he says he is happy and his wife is happy, then they are happy. He is not here crying for help. If men want to take his advice and use it in their marriages, his advice works for those men or not, let those men decide, BBW is here trying to help, we have to support him. You may not find his advice helpful for you, then it is not his fault. And truth hurts. Don't be offended.
 
#423 ·
MEM,

BBW,

After reading your posts about friends, it helped me make up my mind not to seek male friendship anymore.

You guys all know, I shy away from a lot of women, I only like to be around happy and non jealous ones.

You guys also know, I enjoy talking to men. In my real life, I never intended making friends with men. I was talking to my husband today, in my life, I would only seek romantic relationship from a man, never seek friendship from a man. A few months ago, I discovered forums, I had very good conversation with men, I thought it is OK to be friends with men on Internet, it turned out to be a disaster.

I won't be naive anymore. What you stressed here just encouraged me to try harder.

I view my husband the most important person in my life. He makes me a very happy woman.

Maybe our world is small, but it is a happy and peaceful small world.

My heart is full of joy and love when I write happy posts like this.

I respect you guys a lot! Seeing you guys here helping troubled people, I am very happy.

Sometimes people get irritated by us just because they don't agree with us or they get bothered by our careless words, I try not to let it bother me, I admit it still bothers me.

But we do our best. People like it or not, it is their business, we don't get paid by them.

And if they see happy marriages here, they don't want to think that we might be doing something right. I don't think we lose anything.

:):):)
 
#427 ·
Is there some underlying problem when a man or woman says "I'm more comfortable being friends / talking with the opposite sex"? Does it mean there is some aspect of the marriage that is incomplete when you find yourself seeking out "conversation" with people of the opposite sex?

Of course a lot of us felt this way even before marriage - so maybe its not purely a relationship issue...

This came up with a female co-worker the other day. We were talking about work related problems she was having with a very competitive female co-worker, and she used the classic "I've always had better luck being friends with guys" line.
 
#428 · (Edited)
First, we want friends. We don't just want to talk to our spouses.

As women, we like to talk.

As people, we like to feel that we are being loved. It is always a good feeling that you know somebody cares about you and wants to talk to you.

For me, I am scared of talking to most women. Because the things they talk about are not constructive: 1, gossip, I am not interested. 2, complaining, it bothers me. 3, jealousy, I don't dare to be too happy in front of them, I am being restrained with what I should say, I can't be myself. Even on forums, some women can't control their jealousy and attack me. I am used to it. I am happy! So what? I can't say that I am happy? 4, they only want you to be their sound board, you have to say things they like to hear, and what they do is not that appealing. I wouldn't tell a lazy woman that she is doing a great job for being lazy. 5, vain, they want all the showy stuff, and think you are poor for not having it. If they have money, go for it. But they have a lot of credit card debt. I view that shallow and stupid. 6, can't let things go. They always remember the bad times and bad things, it is a lot of pain talking to them. 7, etc.

With men, I don't need to worry any of the problems above, and they won't be jealous of me simply because I am a woman! They can be envious of my husband, that's it.

Who do I like to talk to? Who do I feel comfortable talking to?

MEN!

Thank Internet and thank forums, I am able to talk to men now.

Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
#429 ·
My wife, has always been this same way.

To be at ease and able to talk to men, and prefer to be in the company of and working with men.

And as well, she is able to put them at ease and comfortable talking with her as well.

This is why, I am needing to watch closely all her man relationships with so much jealousy. :)
 
#431 ·
GP - I could make a similar list of why I like to talk to women - and why I don't like to talk to men as much.

So is it just that we feel less competitive with the opposite sex? A man will find himself comparing golf scores or how much he can bench press with another man, but never with a woman. And a woman and a man will never get catty over who is more fashionable or has the nicer purse.
 
#432 ·
I think this is true.

My husband always finds himself more comfortable talking to women. His co-workers are all women( most Taiwanese English teachers are women). I have to set up rules for him. He is not allowed to joke with his co-workers too much. My husband is a very faithful man, he comes home right away after school. He is a family man. I am blessed for having a man like this.

When men get together, they talk about their cars and careers, they try to outdo each other.


When women get together, they compare with each other: husbands, children, fancy stuff, they are trying to outdo each other also.

Opposite sex attracts!

So we really have to watch out when we are married. We have to have self-control. We have to sacrifice. We have to know clearly that it is our spouse who is important to us and the person who we should seek attention from.

I am happy with what I am doing now. Talking to men out on the forums. I get to satisfy my needs for talking to men. I don't need to worry about being attached to anyone since it is out in the public. It is like talking to men in a big group.

Yeah, happy! :)
 
#434 ·
I know and have known examples of both genders to whom it is far more important that they have an audience for the sole purpose of hearing themselves, than it is to know their audience is listening.

I have a male buddy, and we always joke; "Ask Phil what time it is and he'll tell you how to build a watch."

We covered this a bit in another thread. Male depth is there, but we don't broadcast it. I generally appreciate that women, by being open, honest and vulnerable about the truths of their lives, can more easily engender others to share at that level - with the presumption that what is shared, is 'safe'
 
#436 ·
I know and have known examples of both genders to whom it is far more important that they have an audience for the sole purpose of hearing themselves, than it is to know their audience is listening.

I have a male buddy, and we always joke; "Ask Phil what time it is and he'll tell you how to build a watch."

We covered this a bit in another thread.
Oh yeah, it was your reply Deejo, in that thread I started a while back http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social...tter-just-dump-ignore-friendship-instead.html

That was REALLY funny-how you handle your friend, I loved that! I know guys can be similar - but I still think fewer & genereally they would not be as offended if they realized we was deliberately trying to shut them up.

My brother in law is like this, intelligent to the hilt , especially with computers but dare ask him a question & you will be engrossed in what feels like a Computer Class for the next hour. Generally we just have to leave the room, even my kids refuse to ask for his help. I will not dare ask my Mother In Law about a Movie or a book -then I will have to hear the entire script. These things are very very annoying to me.

I gravitate to anyone, male or female, who is articulate, gives detail but throws out the totally irrelevant crap, knows how to ask questions and listen, and cares that who they are talking too is simply "interested". I know this is why I prefer my Guy friend over any of my women friends, it is just that simple.
 
#437 ·
I learned that my wife can NOT make me happy, only I can. My wife is there kind of like a polish, to make that happiness just that more beautiful to experience. We are far from there, and may not get there, but I'm now willing to pursue my happiness, with or without her.
:iagree: So wise!!! You have to be content with yourself. You cannot expect someone else to make you content. It'll never happen. I always tell people they need to be happy with themselves before they can be happy with someone else. So happy you put this on here. You are responsible for your own happiness :)
 
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