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Men , Why Do You Work Hard and Strive To Make Money?

  • I work hard because I want the fear and envy from other men.

    Votes: 2 4.8%
  • I work hard because I love expensive things, cars , clothes etc.

    Votes: 5 11.9%
  • I work hard because it's what society expects from a man.

    Votes: 5 11.9%
  • I work hard because I love my wife and family and want to see them happy.

    Votes: 30 71.4%
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Men , Why Do You Work?

9K views 102 replies 44 participants last post by  Tess112 
#1 · (Edited)
I came across a post in another thread in which one female poster was saying that men work hard to make money only because ,

" they want the fear and admiration of other men.."

A couple of other women agreed , although men were basically saying that men work because they want mostly to please their women and family.

At 44 yrs of age, I have been working for the greater part of my life and I'm sure many other men here too. Ever since I was 11 yrs old , I entered the world of part time work, and today I own a lucrative business.
I was always taught by my mother that a real man works hard, and provides for his woman and tries to secure a future for his kids and other dependents.
I am usually up at 4 AM every morning, preparing for my day. By 8 PM in the evening I'm dog tired.
Me wife always tells me how much she admires and appreciates how hard I work, and it's like music to my ears. It inspires me and gives me hope.
She's a hard worker too, and I know beyond the shadow of doubt , that she works hard to make sure I'm comfortable and pleased. Words can't say enough how much I appreciate it , but I try to show by my actions.
But I know I'm an old timer full of outdated values that have no real place in this *postmodern* society.

So it came as a surprise to me that a man's work isn't viewed in that light. That some women feel that men mostly work hard because they first and foremost, want to be respected and feared by other men,
And it's not to please their wives.


What has been your experience?
Why do you work hard?
Is it not to please your woman and kids first and foremost?

Also to the women who are either employed or are SAHM's , why do you work so hard?
Is it not to please your husband and family first and foremost?
Do you feel appreciated?
Do you appreciate that your husband works hard?
If not, why ?

I've attached a poll above , feel free to vote and post your comments!
 
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#2 · (Edited)
This is a trick question, right?

I actually work hard for one reason: the financial security to do what I want. The moment that is no longer necessary, I am done working - at least, for other people. I busted butt through 20 years in the military for one reason, which is to retire at a specific rank, to be able to draw a pension that means I don't HAVE to work as hard.

I wouldn't say that I do this so that Lady Convection is proud of me, though that is is a nice side benefit. I want to take care of her (us) and make sure she is (we are) provided for. Back-breaking work in my youth and a lot of saving means that we are debt free and financially sound in our older years and not having to work into our seventies. I can now have another job - a job I am not bound to, if it sucks. She has her own business, which I can work to expand. I am trying to publish some novels. I can teach. I may bounce around until I find something I like. In the meantime, I plan to also spend time working on our acreage, building a greenhouse, and some other projects. Plus, I have my own wants: travel to take, books to read & write, spend time with my aging parents and precocious granddaughter. Working? Interferes with all that.

If I have to boil it down to a bullet point, it would be: I work to live, not live to work.

The admiration of other men, frankly, never entered my mind. I don't feel as if I am a contest with anyone. I work for my wife and I, and no one else. If someone looked down on me for that, too bad. If I could stop tomorrow and keep us comfortable, I would.

BTW, I didn't see the poll attached.

ETA: Okay, now I see it.
 
#3 ·
I started part-time employment around the age of 15/16 and, apart from 5 years when my son was young, worked very hard up until early retirement.

Initially, I worked to gain some independence (buying my own clothes and paying for my own entertainment without the need for pocket money from my parents), then later on to pay for driving lessons, purchase a car, pay for overseas holidays and support myself. When I got divorced, I worked (VERY) hard to support my son and I, pay for his education, live in a nice home / environment and to provide security for my old age.

For me, work was not only an absolute necessity, but a self-esteem builder. It gave me independence and made me feel good about myself. Even when I had to do some extra crappy little jobs to make ends meet (when my son was young), I took pride in what I did because it made me feel good about myself.

I didn't vote, CM, because I don't see a category for my situation.
 
#4 ·
Because my thumbs cramp up if I play video games too long and don't ask about my rotator cuff. ;)
 
#10 ·
My DH has told me that he works to pay the bills, period. He would happily stop working if we had the $ to allow it.

For me, I work to pay the bills, sure. I also work because I love to work: I feel useful and productive through work; I am derive a lot of self-esteem from my work. I have found all of this to be true, pretty much regardless of what the job was. I didn't think it about it when I started working at age 15, but definitely I was conscious of the importance of work to me by the time I had my first post-bachelors job. It is very important to me to be able to support myself.

That said, life/work balance is important, too. I don't want to work more than 40 hours, where it can helped. I am very lucky in my current job, which is almost always a straight 40 hrs, working from home. Decent salary and nice benefits. Fairly good job stability. I could support our family, at a much reduced lifestyle but above poverty, if anything horrible happened to my husband.

I think I will probably continue to work in some form or another until I just can't any longer, either due to death or disability. I am a lot like my mom, who is "retired" but does a lot of short-term gigs either filling in a position as an Interim, or teaching, or just helping cover the admin positions (she worked for many years for a nursing home facility.) She is widowed, but she and my dad were pretty frugal, so she doesn't need the money, but she works to help out the facility and her friends, and also to finance traveling adventures. She really loves being able to a day here, a day there, on her own schedule. That will hopefully be me when I am her age (just short of 70.)
 
#11 ·
For me it is both to provide well for my family and because I like nice things. Overall it is about Quality of life, which means having enough $ to have a little fun and to have some of the nice extras, plus meet all the important priorities.

Private school for the kids, a nice home in a good neighborhood, fun vacations, good bicycles, nice musical instruments, music lessons, sports activities, adequate clothing, etc for the kids and family.

For me, I like fine musical instruments, some guns, some technology, and cars.

At my age, 53, priorities are shifting to solidifying a retirement. I've got adequate stuff, and in fact too much stuff. Knocking down economic worries about the future is now a priority.
 
#12 ·
I'd just like to add... In early retirement, I've started studying for another career that I will (hopefully) be able to do for as long as I have all my faculties. I'm doing this to not only keep my grey cells ticking over, but also to keep me out of bed all day.;)
 
#14 ·
I work for my family and luckily I enjoy my work. Although some of the early starts are a biotch.

When I retire I intend to go fishing, cook, make models and retake up archaeology.
 
#51 ·
One thing I will say, influenced by some of the other posts in this thread, is that within my social circle I am regarded as a high earner. And yes, I do get a certain sense of pride out of that.

However that is tempered by the knowledge that within the greater scheme of things, and I suspect from reading between the lines, on TAM, I am pretty small beer in that regard.
 
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#16 ·
I was always taught by my mother that a real man works hard, and provides for his woman and tries to secure a future for his kids and other dependents.

Me wife always tells me how much she admires and appreciates how hard I work, and it's like music to my ears. It inspires me and gives me hope.

She's a hard worker too, and I know beyond the shadow of doubt , that she works hard to make sure I'm comfortable and pleased. Words can't say enough how much I appreciate it , but I try to show by my actions.
But I know I'm an old timer full of outdated values that have no real place in this *postmodern* society.

What has been your experience?
Why do you work hard?
Is it not to please your woman and kids first and foremost?

Also to the women who are either employed or are SAHM's , why do you work so hard?
Is it not to please your husband and family first and foremost?
Do you feel appreciated?
Do you appreciate that your husband works hard?
If not, why ?

I've attached a poll above , feel free to vote and post your comments!

You have the right values, CM. Be proud. And thank your mother.

Dh has always been a hard worker. He grew up on a little farm and has always enjoyed physical labor. He is an engineer and does mostly intellectual work, but certainly isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.

Hard-working, family values guys inspire my respect.

Dh works to take care of us, but I know he enjoys working, period.

I am a SAHM because that is what dh wanted, and was willing to pay for. I breastfed and homeschooled because that is what he wanted.

I have tried to do a good job, even when it was so hard that I just wanted to run away.

It is just the right thing to do, to work hard, to put your heart and soul into what you are doing.

I know dh appreciates what I do, and I certainly appreciate what he does. Some man said here that his wife has never thanked him for providing for their family. I was shocked by that. Shocked.
 
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#25 ·
You have the right values, CM. Be proud. And thank your mother.

Dh has always been a hard worker. He grew up on a little farm and has always enjoyed physical labor. He is an engineer and does mostly intellectual work, but certainly isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.

Hard-working, family values guys inspire my respect.

Dh works to take care of us, but I know he enjoys working, period.

I am a SAHM because that is what dh wanted, and was willing to pay for. I breastfed and homeschooled because that is what he wanted.

I have tried to do a good job, even when it was so hard that I just wanted to run away.

It is just the right thing to do, to work hard, to put your heart and soul into what you are doing.

I know dh appreciates what I do, and I certainly appreciate what he does. Some man said here that his wife has never thanked him for providing for their family. I was shocked by that. Shocked.
Thanks for your words.:)

Truth is , before I logged on to TAM awhile ago , I was outside in our backyard garden for most of the afternoon.
I love gardening.
I love to grow the vegetables my wife and I juice and drink every morning. Stuff like broccoli, beets ,cucumbers , bitter melon and lots more vegetables. I like getting my hand in the soil. That's how I grew up.
Wife loves to do it with me also.

This sentence in your post caught my attention:

" I know dh appreciates what I do, and I certainly appreciate what he does..."

I think most people if not all, work hard and appreciate their spouse's contribution , because without it , life would be much harder. Even if that spouse is just a SAHM. No way in this world a husband could work long hours , come home to clean an untidy house , cook food food , do his own laundry , take care of kids and their homework ,and all the stuff that involved in running a home ,and be a success at work.
The reality is, even if a husband hardly ever mentions it , he is grateful , because he knows without his [ SAHM ]wife's input , his life would be so much harder.

I believe that in the majority of normal , healthy relationships where both spouses work , they both work for one goal, to make life better for each other and the family.
If one doesn't appreciate the other's input , then something's definitely wrong either with one or both persons or relationship dynamic.
 
#19 ·
When I was in my mid teens, I watched a 20 year old, who lived up the street, drive by in a Chevy SS convertible with a blonde bombshell in the passenger seat. I thought if you wanted a girl like that, you needed to get a car like that. To get a car like that you need a job. I was off to work like that. I don't have the car anymore, I don't work anymore either. I still have the girl. :)
 
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#20 · (Edited)
I came across a post in another thread in which one female poster was saying that men work hard to make money only because ,

" they want the fear and admiration of other men.."
If you are going to cherry pick my quote then at least explain the context and include the rest of my post. It was in response to a poster who said:

If money wasn't important to women. It wouldn't be important to us. We don't pursue money and power because we give a crap about it. We do it because we know what comes with it.

I wrote about the men I used to work with and their motivations for acquiring the wealth they did. They did it to one up each other and be feared and envied by less affluent men. Money to them equaled power which equaled fear and jealousy among other men. They acquired objects that most women couldn't possibly appreciate, but men could.

I also pointed out that the male gay community is by and large financially successful so if women were the only motivator for obtaining money, how do you explain that? The suggestion that men only earn money because of women was ridiculous and that's what I was responding to.

Your poll proved the other guy wrong, by the way. Nearly everybody here said they work to pay their bills, have nice things, go on vacation or because they would be bored. Would they suddenly stop wanting those things and thus working if women fell off the face of the Earth? No.
 
#24 · (Edited)
I disagree.

If anything the poll proves him right.
90% [ so far ] of those who voted in the actual poll , voted for the last option that said:

" I work hard because I love my wife and family and want to see them happy..."
0% voted for the first option that contained your quote :
" I work hard because I want the fear and envy from other men.

I placed two other options in between which basically mirrors option one [ material things] and four [ family ] in an attempt to split the votes , yet those who voted so far , voted solidly behind the two options that includes wives , family and society.
None voted for power , fear or envy of other men.

Basically the men you used in your example of why men work so hard are not representative of the wider group of men albeit , those on TAM. Gay men also represent a tiny subset of men.

Those men on the thread whose responses included going on vacations and purchasing nice stuff would also have to be included in the set who voted for their wives and family because nobody goes on vacation alone except they're single.

So lets assume that the men on the thread who didn't vote in the poll did so because they're single.
The reality is, even if they're single , the most popular vacation spots on the planet for single men are places where there are beautiful women , nice beaches and a great nightlife. Brazil , Thailand , Costa Rica , Columbia to name a few.

Logically , if all of the women fell off of the planet, most men won't be working.
Basically, men work because money can buy things that could make them happy.
An integral part of what the majority of men feel would make them happy is a family and a good woman who loves them at best , or just a beautiful woman at least.
Everything else , car , house , nice clothes , bills , food etc, falls somewhere within that spectrum.

Lets suppose your theory is 100% true for most men.
Then what would you say is the main reason behind most women working and also those who work really hard?
Is it not basically for their families?
Or is it to gain fear and respect from other women?
 
#21 ·
Work is what we're made for. It's how we create, solve problems, learn, grow, it makes us and the world around us more interesting, challenging, and purposeful. An added benefit is that people really need our labor. What's the point of life if you're not doing something positive with it? No welfare, pension, or disability check can replace all we gain from work. Even after I retire, I'll have to have something constructive to do.
 
#22 ·
I work to pay the bills. I plan to retire at age 55. No, I'm not rich, but I guess my idea of comfort may be different than other men. My idea of comfort is not being able to take vacations and have fancy cars, my idea of comfort is having everything working and functional.

I want a decent house with a roof that doesn't leak, a bed, all the appliances, a phone, tv, etc, although none have to be gold plated.

I like to have enough money to pay the bills and, if I suddenly need a new set of tires, my fridge goes out, or i need a new roof, it doesn't change my life to pay for it; I just write a check.
 
#29 ·
this poll does not have an option for me. i work hard because i love to work. simple as that. i take pride in what i do.

the rest of those things mean very little to me compared to knowing that i have done good work.
 
#30 · (Edited)
We have to pay a mortgage, buy food, clothing and other necessities. Private school for my youngest is expensive and we enjoy some level of leisure which is rarely free. I also hope to retire comfortably some day. Pretty much why both of us work hard.

ETA: I do enjoy my career, but realize that I could make more if I had more money to invest and concentrate on that rather than collecting a paycheck. But, it is what it is, I do the best I can at with my abilities and know that the competition to maintain my position demands as much.
 
#53 ·
I asked my husband this question.

He answered yes to the wife and family, and yes, to expensive things... but underlying both of these, is the fact that he wants a roof over his/our head, clothes on his back and food to eat.
 
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