Deejo

VT, Have you ever known a guy that simply wouldn't take that challenging step? The guy who would settle for OK instead of going for great because it may result in conflict or loss?

The guy that could get the girl but doesn't take that step for fear of rejection. The guy that could have a better, more balanced marriage if he learned how to assert himself at the risk of conflict instead of consistently compromising and capitulating thinking he is doing the 'right' thing?

That is the crux of what we we're talking about. Do you just not see that, or are you simply more content challenging it?

Mom6547

You are making it a gender issue that it isn't. Anyone who is conflict averse is going to have a bad time about solving problems. ANYONE who decides to lay down and take **** is likely to eventually get ****.

I see things differently than you do. What you guys are typing reads way differently to me. I could accuse you of just not seeing as well.

There is room in the world for non-assertive men and assertive women. My husband, while nobody's *****, is not assertive. He just doesn't care enough about details to press too many issues. If faced with a just friend who wasn't interested, he would simply walk away. He has enough confidence not to wallow over some woman.

When it is time to challenge a bill, or press for better price or customer service, he is not the guy you would call. You would tap me for that.

The guy in the original story is a nice guy. You guys may choose to use that as dirty term. But I love my nice guy. Why would a nice guy try to change himself into someone else to "get" a girl? Don't get me wrong, no one deserves to be a carpet. But nor do they need to be some vision of a "man" or a "woman" as cast by someone else. My advice to the man in that story, go find a woman who cherishes you for who you ARE.

Each *person* is who they are. Our society does no one a service when it perpetuates these gender stereotypes to the distraction of learning about PEOPLE.

Deejo

Yep. We are making it a gender issue. NOT making it a gender issue muddies the entire message. It is geared towards men. You choose to see it as marginalizing women.

Then it sort of begs the question. What's your point?



You aren't connecting the dots. Change it from guy and girlfriend to husband and wife. If you lost the fundamental attraction to your husband, and chose to stay married, simply seeing him as a roommate, would your non-assertive man, just walk away? Isn't it more likely that he would try to appease you and appeal to you in the hopes you'd have the hots for him again?



Because 'getting the girl' is our raison d'etre, unless the nice guy intends to become a monk.

Mom6547

I think gender stereotyping is counter productive to almost ALL marital issues.

May my daughter never meet your son.

Deejo

My son is autistic. You'll get your wish.

Mom6547

Oh God. Well how is THAT for my sticking my foot in it. And I was trying to be funny. My sincere apologies.

BigBadWolf

Interesting youtube video:

YouTube - Why You're In The Friend "Zone" & What You Can Do About It ...

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RandomDude

Interesting... when we first met, the missus and I started off as "just friends" for over a year since I was already in a relationship at that time. We were flirting "innocently" from day 1 however, which resulted in a few 'cat-fights', and eventually... "Grand Theft Boyfriend"... which of course being the sweet saintly angel that she is -> the missus denies stealing me from my ex to this day.

The thing is however, despite being attracted to each other, being best friends for over year as the foundation of our relationship proved to be rather beneficial, there were no trust issues at all when we started "dating"... ahem, more like "f--king each other senseless". And she managed to bypass a lot of tests that I normally would have imposed on the ladies I took out.

I would say at least from my experience having a foundation of friendship in a relationship is a good start. At least over a year.

Conrad

Why be that hateful in the first place?

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"Forgive or Re-Live"

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Mom6547

You are following me around. You must want me badly.

Conrad

I generally stay in the "Men's" Clubhouse.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH