But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me ***** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ******* guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
Sounds just like the relationship I had with a friends sister, way back. She would constantly moan and groan about how all men were such pigs, except for me, of course, and bawling about how she could never find a decent guy, and I'm like "HELLO!!! I'm right here!!" Then, of course, get the old familiar speech about how wonderful and kind I was... and all you "nice guys" know how that one ends!
Then I got married, and my friend was there, and I wanted the sister to be there, too, but he said that she had "commitments".
Turns out the commitment was in front of the TV watching Sex and the City with a gallon of ice cream-and she stayed that way for three days!
Later on, some years later, I was talking with their mother, and asked how the sister was doing, and she said, only half jokingly, "Why, she never forgave you for getting married to someone else!" I'm not one to gloat, but I sure had a smile on my face for a week after that!!!
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
Wow, so you are friends with women you don't actually like or want to be friends with so you can get laid? I mean... if you are getting "nothing you want" it really sounds like it.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
Have always been a little dubious of marriages where one or both parties swear they are best friends. With one couple I know, it is almost used as a justification for the lack of sex in their marriage.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by F-102
Sounds just like the relationship I had with a friends sister, way back. She would constantly moan and groan about how all men were such pigs, except for me, of course, and bawling about how she could never find a decent guy, and I'm like "HELLO!!! I'm right here!!" Then, of course, get the old familiar speech about how wonderful and kind I was... and all you "nice guys" know how that one ends!
Then I got married, and my friend was there, and I wanted the sister to be there, too, but he said that she had "commitments".
Turns out the commitment was in front of the TV watching Sex and the City with a gallon of ice cream-and she stayed that way for three days!
Later on, some years later, I was talking with their mother, and asked how the sister was doing, and she said, only half jokingly, "Why, she never forgave you for getting married to someone else!" I'm not one to gloat, but I sure had a smile on my face for a week after that!!!
Good story, and you should believe nice guys and recovering nice guys can relate!
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by Conrad
And don't think being married negates the risk of the "friend zone".
Exactly what I agree with by posting this article!
These relationship between men and women, the good man is needing to realize the consequences of trying to mirror and empathize with how he may THINK a woman wants to see him.
A woman, she is not looking for her man to be merely a mirror of herself.
She is looking for her man to be the compliment to herself, the things she is needing to receive from him for her selfish desires, and the things she is needing to give him to satisfy his selfish desires.
Do not give without showing the mettle that you deserve to be receiving something.
To give your attention to a woman, is to be having the confidence and boldness to express as well what she can be giving you in return.
A women who sees a man that is merely a giver, who gives without having the self confidence or self respect to boldly express what he desires in return, to such a man a woman simply will not respect, nor will she be on fire sexually for such a man.
All good men, married, struggling, divorcing, dating, however concerning how you relate to a woman, avoid the friend zone!
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
Sorry, I'm a woman who crashed your party. Please allow me admittance into the man cave.
That article is funny. I guess you guys need to get the word out that trying to be a woman's friend first just doesn't work. lol I could never imagine being as heartless as this woman tho. I wouldn't be friends with a man if I new he wanted more and I couldn't give it. It's not fair. For me, telling a man that you don't want to ruin the friendship always meant I didn't see him that way for whatever reason. He wasn't my type. He wasn't attractive to me. Whatever. I was trying not to hurt his feelings. I never remained close friends with a man after that.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by vthomeschoolmom
Wow, so you are friends with women you don't actually like or want to be friends with so you can get laid? I mean... if you are getting "nothing you want" it really sounds like it.
A good lesson here, for women as well.
Do not be naive with men friends.
A man, he will not relate to a woman as he would with another man.
Between men, who are good friends and who know and trust each other, when the other has the others back, this is one thing, expectations are little to nothing between them, and in this calm they simply can be.
Between a man and a woman, on the surface, these "just friends" there may appear this calm, but be sure, the "just friends" man is feeling inside him tension to be seen as a man by this woman, tension to compete with some other man in this woman's life, and the attention he is receiving from his woman, sexual flattery and satisfaction, even if just the spark of it.
Be careful as from the smallest sparks come the roaring fires!
This "just friends" woman is as well flattered by the attention and feels flattered as a woman, is receiving emotional fulfillment from this "just friends" man's attention.
So as well if any woman is receiving emotional fulfilment by some "just friends" man who is not her husband, this is like stacking dry kindling around a candle and acting confident that no great fire will break out.
Such as these "just friends" ideas between men and women.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
I have goose bumps now if I receive private sexual messages from so called male friends(None from TAM, I am very happy) . I don't want to be rude so I just ignore. Be deep down in my heart I want those men to respect me. I can be friends, but only friends, encourage each other and build up each other, as soon as I see something uncomfortable, I get bothered, he is losing me as a friend.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by notsocool
Have always been a little dubious of marriages where one or both parties swear they are best friends. With one couple I know, it is almost used as a justification for the lack of sex in their marriage.
This is an interesting point.
First, I agree, if there is no sex, we as humans will try to rationalize and justify that which is not right, especially if we lack either the wisdom or the means to be able to fix what needs fixing.
Particularly if you are privy to these rationalizations, as if the couple is trying to justify themselves together by seeking approval of those outside the relationship.
What strikes me as strange however, that in my own relationship without much thinking I would consider my woman to be of my closests friends, even my best friend by most points of view.
Particularly if one considers friendships to include private and intimate details, then of course no one else would compare to my woman in that regard.
But this is only in the context of after sexual desires are met, for until these are met, and honestly, they are paramount to me.
Until they are met, there will be tension.
Be sure this tension is simply what myself and anyone else would call "sexual attraction", it is the friction that lights the fire between us, and any man or woman for that matter.
So in this way, I am thinking to myself, how can I say "best friend" when my relationship to my woman is not expecting nothing, but the reality is, it is expecting everything?
Thank you for sharing this, now I have something to ponder.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by AWife
Sorry, I'm a woman who crashed your party. Please allow me admittance into the man cave.
Women, in my threads you are always welcome.
Enter at your risk however.
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That article is funny. I guess you guys need to get the word out that trying to be a woman's friend first just doesn't work. lol
I find myself beating several drums on this forum.
The "nice guy" and the nice guy's shadow, the "friend zone", are two of these drums.
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I could never imagine being as heartless as this woman tho.
Heartless? Perish that thought!
This woman is far far far from heartless.
A heartless woman would not be this honest with a man, her brutal honesty is a gift!
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I wouldn't be friends with a man if I new he wanted more and I couldn't give it.
You are only friends with gay men I see.
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It's not fair.
It's not fair, but it's life.
Therefore to ease this pain and sorrow, we take the time to laugh at this pain and sorrow from time to time, in the hope that we learn and grow and become stronger and wiser.
That is the hope and point of this thread.
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For me, telling a man that you don't want to ruin the friendship always meant I didn't see him that way for whatever reason.
This "whatever reason", off chance the reason was no sexual attraction?
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He wasn't my type.
No sexual attraction?
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He wasn't attractive to me.
Definitely no sexual attraction!
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Whatever.
"Whatever" meaning no sexual attraction?
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I was trying not to hurt his feelings.
Nice guy, meet the nice girl.
Good men reading this, take that one to the bank!
Do not mistake a women's polite consideration for your feelings, or her manners or proper upbringing cloud the issue on whether there is sexual attraction or not.
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I never remained close friends with a man after that.
And why the nice guy is hesitating to reveal his feelings, because the fantasy of sexual attraction is easier to swallow the the harsh reality of the truth.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Every contribution from a woman on these issues, is it's weight in gold to help the good men here to move forward in truth and understand of these things.
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by greenpearl
I have goose bumps now if I receive private sexual messages from so called male friends(None from TAM, I am very happy) .
It is hard lesson sometimes to see that the "just friends" man is not looking to be just friends.
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I don't want to be rude so I just ignore.
This is a good way.
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Be deep down in my heart I want those men to respect me.
Deep down you are seeking an emotional fulfillment, exactly.
And deep down, these "just friends" men are seeking a sexual fulfillment, exactly in the same way.
Men and women, we are not always so different.
And not always so wildly unpredictable.
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I can be friends, but only friends, encourage each other and build up each other, as soon as I see something uncomfortable, I get bothered, he is losing me as a friend.
I want to keep my heart pure for my husband!!!
To seek what you desire from your husband, and for him to seek these from you, this is for the happy marriage.
To seek these elsewhere, or worse, to seek without even knowing there is seeking going on, this is opening the door wide for trouble and rolling out the red carpet even!
Re: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire)
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Originally Posted by BigBadWolf
It is hard lesson sometimes to see that the "just friends" man is not looking to be just friends.
This is a good way.
Deep down you are seeking an emotional fulfillment, exactly.
And deep down, these "just friends" men are seeking a sexual fulfillment, exactly in the same way.
Men and women, we are not always so different.
And not always so wildly unpredictable.
To seek what you desire from your husband, and for him to seek these from you, this is for the happy marriage.
To seek these elsewhere, or worse, to seek without even knowing there is seeking going on, this is opening the door wide for trouble and rolling out the red carpet even!
Greenpearl, thank you for sharing.
Thank you!
My husband is my soul mate. We share everything together. I long for friends, but I know clearly what lies between a man and a woman now. I got myself involved in an unpleasant situation for about two weeks by talking to men on a Chinese forum, at that time, I didn't know much, I was overwhelmed by the attention I got from those men, but they didn't just want to be friends, they wanted more, I was stupid to believe that men and women can be friends. Now I think about all this, it is actually an insult to me. I like compliments from men, I like it when men think I am smart and I am being a good wife to my husband, I love it if they speak to me in a respectful way. I know by the way I talk about sex, gets men think a lot, but what I am sharing is our sweet sex life between my husband and me. It doesn't mean I want any men to talk to me disrespectfully. Chinese men don't respect women in this way, it is disheartening to know. I enjoy TAM a lot here because I don't get bothered by any unpleasant messages.
My husband understands that I need friends, he was very upset the day he found out what was going on on that Chinese forum. But he held me tightly and let me cry. He blocked that website and he shut down my email account. I didn't say anything. He asked me to find a different forum to go to, that's why I found TAM.
I respect people here on TAM.
I enjoy coming here regularly and see all of you trying hard to help people.
In my real life, my husband is my world, I get a lot of satisfaction from him. I know I lack friends, but it isn't a big deal.
Being able to go to forums has expanded my world, it is enough for me not to feel that my world is so small.
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship (satire) 
