Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...
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Old 10-16-2010, 08:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

GUYS WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? HOW CAN I FIX IT NOW? HEELLLLPPPP I HAVE UNTIL MONDAY TO TURN THIS THING AROUND!


Gonna make it short and sweet:

-He's military, used to be very emotionally abusive, jealous etc.
-Just came back from deployment in Iraq in AUG.
-Three days ago, he tells me he can't deal with me anymore, I'm unbearable and over emotional.
-He went to Los Angeles on what was supposed to be our anniversary trip, he's there with his family (his favorite cousin).
-He's been taking money out of our acct 100 at a time, almost 600 dollars in 3 days.
-He won't answer my calls, I tried not to call him. Called him once today, sent him 1 text saying "please answer....*smiley face* thanks!"
-He never answers or calls back, no text. Nothing.
-He said he thinks we should split up, for me to go home. I don't want that, I want to work it out. Put all the cards on the table and give it one last shot before I call it quits.

Me:
-Been negative since I came back to WA. The lack of friends family and hobbies has brought me down quite a bit.
-He's tried to be nice and change, I on the other hand am annoyed and get easily frustrated/angry with everything.
-I still love him, I'm just not happy being in this place without anyone else. He's my only friend...I don't want to be clingy, at the same time, he made me that way because he never let me hang out with other females or people in general.

What can I do when he comes back Monday to fix this? Everyone says not to beg him back, but at this point...I ain't too proud to beg!!
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Old 10-16-2010, 09:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

You don't say if you're married? Hard for me to tell from the post.

What does him taking out 100 dollars a day out of your account have to do with the situation? Do you think he's cheating while on this family trip? Why didn't you go on the family trip with him?

I'm retired military and it could be that he may be suffering from some post-traumatic stress disorder from his deployment to Iraq. That can cause him to pull away, act out of the ordinary, be unable to deal with things that were easy before, be short-tempered, unable to handle other peoples issues/feelings, etc.

Might be something worth checking out...
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Old 10-16-2010, 09:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

This sounds a little like my story.....

My husband of almost 11 years has tried years and years to convince me to make changes to my life that were bothering him (get a different college degree to get a better paying job) and that were hurting our marriage (getting out of debt and learning to save).....

I ignored these requests....not voluntarily...but I should have noticed his frustration....

Anyway....Labor Day weekend he's dropped the D-bomb and I was devastated.....

I've cried and pleaded and started to make the changes.....but he's still wanting a divorce....

All his anger and frustration made him sick....literally

So I had the final talk with him and since I love him more than my life I realized I had to let him go for him to get better.....

I agreed to the divorce but he had to promise me to do his best to stay best friends....because that's what he wanted.....

Now our relationship is much more positive....we can actually talk and we even hug each other (we still live in the same house with our kids).....

I am hoping for a reconciliation, but I really don't think that this will happen before the divorce....

I would suggest you have one final talk when he comes back on Monday....

It killed me because I wanted him to reconsider but then again....I couldn't go on like this....without knowing....

Show him that you can become more positive about your life....

I've moved from Germany to the US for my husband....knew nobody here as well, but I kept busy with my job, hobbies and such and found a couple of friends pretty soon....

You can do it too....just be open to it !!!

But don't try to convince him by just talking about it....that won't work...

"Deeds not words" is what my husband told me...and that's what I'm doing....

He might still want to split with you, but don't beg him to change his mind....

Walk off with your head up high, cry in your pillow not in front of him....

Then tackle your new life without him....take care of yourself.....do things for yourself to feel good about yourself and then go out and make friends....do all the things he wanted you to do....

There is always a chance he'll see that you became the woman he wanted you to be and then maybe you'll have a second chance....

And if not !?!?....Well then you'll be a more positive person with lots of new friends and a lot more fun in live and that is attractive to men....and pretty soon you might just find your true Mr. Right !!!!

Hugs !!!!
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Old 10-16-2010, 09:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post

I'm retired military and it could be that he may be suffering from some post-traumatic stress disorder from his deployment to Iraq. That can cause him to pull away, act out of the ordinary, be unable to deal with things that were easy before, be short-tempered, unable to handle other peoples issues/feelings, etc.

Might be something worth checking out...
I think that is part of the issues my husband is dealing with too....PTSD
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Old 10-16-2010, 09:39 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

My husband is retired military also and has been diagnosed with PTSD, I've seen first-hand what changes can occur.

And PTSD doesn't have to come from a war-type experience. It can be from any trauma - child abuse, sexual assault, rape - any trauma.

I attend a weekly support group for spouses whose partners have PTSD, it has been very helpful and has helped me to understand "why" he acts the way he does sometimes - makes it easier to accept and help instead of taking everything personally and wondering what I did.
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Old 10-16-2010, 11:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
You don't say if you're married? Hard for me to tell from the post.

What does him taking out 100 dollars a day out of your account have to do with the situation? Do you think he's cheating while on this family trip? Why didn't you go on the family trip with him?

I'm retired military and it could be that he may be suffering from some post-traumatic stress disorder from his deployment to Iraq. That can cause him to pull away, act out of the ordinary, be unable to deal with things that were easy before, be short-tempered, unable to handle other peoples issues/feelings, etc.

Might be something worth checking out...
Yes, he is unable to handle my feelings, he thinks I cry too much and am overly emotional. No, I don't think he's cheating. I didn't go on the trip with him because he said he didn't want me to go. He said I should just go home. He told me once he was having trouble getting back to civilian life here. I didn't believe him because before he used to say it was so easy coming back, it was the weak minded people who suffered from PTSD.

We are married...2 years this past September. I love him more than words can say. The whole reason I contacted him while he was on his trip was to let him know that our account was overdrafted, to not try to withdrawal anymore money. I'm trying to give him space if that's what he needs. He won't even answer me for "business" related purposes.
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Old 10-16-2010, 11:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale&Alex View Post
This sounds a little like my story.....

My husband of almost 11 years has tried years and years to convince me to make changes to my life that were bothering him (get a different college degree to get a better paying job) and that were hurting our marriage (getting out of debt and learning to save).....

I ignored these requests....not voluntarily...but I should have noticed his frustration....

Anyway....Labor Day weekend he's dropped the D-bomb and I was devastated.....

I've cried and pleaded and started to make the changes.....but he's still wanting a divorce....

All his anger and frustration made him sick....literally

So I had the final talk with him and since I love him more than my life I realized I had to let him go for him to get better.....

I agreed to the divorce but he had to promise me to do his best to stay best friends....because that's what he wanted.....

Now our relationship is much more positive....we can actually talk and we even hug each other (we still live in the same house with our kids).....

I am hoping for a reconciliation, but I really don't think that this will happen before the divorce....

I would suggest you have one final talk when he comes back on Monday....

It killed me because I wanted him to reconsider but then again....I couldn't go on like this....without knowing....

Show him that you can become more positive about your life....

I've moved from Germany to the US for my husband....knew nobody here as well, but I kept busy with my job, hobbies and such and found a couple of friends pretty soon....

You can do it too....just be open to it !!!

But don't try to convince him by just talking about it....that won't work...

"Deeds not words" is what my husband told me...and that's what I'm doing....

He might still want to split with you, but don't beg him to change his mind....

Walk off with your head up high, cry in your pillow not in front of him....

Then tackle your new life without him....take care of yourself.....do things for yourself to feel good about yourself and then go out and make friends....do all the things he wanted you to do....

There is always a chance he'll see that you became the woman he wanted you to be and then maybe you'll have a second chance....

And if not !?!?....Well then you'll be a more positive person with lots of new friends and a lot more fun in live and that is attractive to men....and pretty soon you might just find your true Mr. Right !!!!

Hugs !!!!
Yup Deeds not words.

Little things like changing appearance to feel better about myself can help. I WON'T let him see me cry anymore, I've determined that. I have a lot of faults of my own and I would like to apologize to him for that. I just hope he hears me out. I'm not gonna bother him anymore, if he calls me. Fine. He probably will since he doesn't know his returning flight number or airline.

I have to be stronger. Even if I feel like I'm dying inside. Put up a strong face. Maybe that way he'll take me seriously and not just look at me like an emotional wreck/a mess.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

I know it's hard...but you can do it!

2010 has to be the "worst" year of my life in terms of dealing with my emotions, my husband and the changes brought about by his brain injury, etc. I ended up in counseling, on medication and with sleeping issues, but...after 9 trying months - I have come out on the other side stronger, in control of myself more, loving myself more and able to keep things in perspective.

It's hard and takes a lot of introspection to see where "you" contribute to the issues in the marriage, but it's worth it in the end. Remember that you can't change anyone but yourself.

Good luck and hang in there!
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Old 10-18-2010, 12:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Guys!! Why won't he answer my calls? I need a man's POV...

Was he wounded? Injured? Perhaps he is addicted to painkillers-that may explain the $100's.
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