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Old 11-06-2010, 03:06 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Originally Posted by Atholk View Post
You are asking the question backwards. Having sex with any available female that offers is the default setting for men. It's what we are designed to do. Millions of sperm. Greater sexual response results from the availablity of more females and more attractive females. The Coolidge Effect.

The question you should be asking is why are some men faithful in the face of sexual opportunity.
Shall we go over why most people don't kill each other, beat each other until one drops to the floor or why women don't all marry the one, most successful alpha male in the region while we're at it? It's kind of all in our nature.

By your logic all marriages out there should consist of providing husband, a woman and a child from some other man with better genes. As we shift more towards thinking with the superior part of our brain, some of us can control and understand our primal instincts and filter through what is right and wrong for the world we live in and for our own personal life.
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Old 11-06-2010, 03:39 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

my soon to be ex husband cheated on me with prostitutes. i found out a few months ago after he confessed. then a whole childhood trauma story broke out about his mom molesting him and his brother.

as a wife, i made myself be constantly available for him: emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual, support, cook, friend. but he has much bigger issues.

i also think other men cheat because they might not have respect for the woman.

my uncle, a cheater, left his first wife while she was pregnant because my blood related aunt lured him away and also got pregnant. followed him, called him aside, and his first wife was her classmate in college.

my favorite male relative, used to be a cheater, and used his 'tool' as a means to survive due to his lack of opportunity to have an education in his country. but now he works hard and has changed his ways.
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Old 11-06-2010, 03:41 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Shall we go over why most people don't kill each other, beat each other until one drops to the floor or why women don't all marry the one, most successful alpha male in the region while we're at it? It's kind of all in our nature.

By your logic all marriages out there should consist of providing husband, a woman and a child from some other man with better genes. As we shift more towards thinking with the superior part of our brain, some of us can control and understand our primal instincts and filter through what is right and wrong for the world we live in and for our own personal life.
Nekko, aren’t you missing the point of Atholk’s question?

“Why are some men faithful in the face of sexual opportunity”. Personally I think it’s an excellent question.

Some answers “I wont betray my wife”. “I wont wreck my marriage”. “I wont do anything to betray my loyalty, credibility and integrity”.

Bob

Last edited by AFEH; 11-06-2010 at 04:22 AM.
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Old 11-06-2010, 06:49 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

I was just wondering, why did God make women have
. . . . . .

It's OK to have . . . . . .

Why do us women become moody and unreasonable when we have
. . . . . .

Why did God make us this way?

Why did God make men with high libido? ? ? ? ? ?
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:23 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Schoolmom,
They are who they are. A REAL man however OWNS himself and does not waver. It isn't even a fleeting thought.
Not exactly sure what you mean here. I think ALL people are tempted from time to time. The strength of the temptation may be dependent on how happy and satisfied a person is at home.

Strength of character is used to resist said temptation.
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:24 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Wait, what?! GP just posted something and THAT is what I was responding too. Her post is gone now! WTH? Is it my computer? Grrrr.
Quote next tome!
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:30 AM   #67 (permalink)
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You didn't cheat. You got out. This speaks volumes about you and it is a shame you willingly make excuses for others.
I am not sure I read this the same way you did, though I am also not certain I read every post... but here are my thoughts, and Deejo can tell me how well I am recapping what I think his thoughts are.

Cheaters own their cheating. I don't think this is in dispute.

BUT conditions can exist that can make cheating more likely. Those conditions being present does not absolve the cheater from cheating. BUT all wise people learn what they can about these conditions, cheater and cheatee, if they wish to avoid such painful circumstance.

I find learning and understanding to be completely different from excusing.

I would have no patience with my husband if he chose to cheat right now. We are largely happy. But because of a health issue of mine, sex has been pretty uninspired and not very frequent for the last few weeks. It will be completely absent soon for up to 2 months. Would I *excuse* him if he went off and got some in this time? Hell no. BUT I am trying to give it up while still able even though it is not that interesting for me right now.

I know that is sort of a lame example. But it the only one I can think of.
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:34 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Why do us women become moody and unreasonable when we have
. . . . . .
GAH! Not everyone becomes a psycho once a month. Just because YOU do does not mean every woman does!
Quote:

Why did God make us this way?
Who is this god person of whom you speak. Not everyone believes in her either.

How does that go...

Hey baby you and me aint nothin' but mammals, let's do it like they do it on Discovery Channel.
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Old 11-06-2010, 08:36 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

Why does a man have to provide for his family?
Because he is a MAN!

Why does a man have to work in the office during the weekdays and work at home during the weekends?
Because he is a MAN!

Why does a man have to put up with his nagging wife?
Because he is a MAN!

Why does a man have to endure all his woman's crxx?
Because he is a MAN!

You drive your man crazy, he needs to breathe fresh air, he goes somewhere else. He needs to breathe fresh air!!!

Understand your MAN, respect your MAN, then you have your MAN!

Last edited by greenpearl; 11-06-2010 at 08:56 AM.
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Old 11-06-2010, 08:53 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Atholk,

Why are some men faithful in the face of sexual opportunity? Because they are TRUE men.
My point is that unusual men are successful at monogamy. If women can figure out why that is then they can make some headway towards faithful husbands. There are things that wives can do that influences their husbands behavior. Ultimately if a husband cheats it is his choice to do so, but the wife can influence the decision matrix he as he considers things.

This whole "true men" thing you keep going on about is just an attempt to change male behavior by shaming those that don't act the way you want. It may not be as helpful as influencing men towards the behavior you seek from them as you think.
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Old 11-06-2010, 09:11 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

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Shall we go over why most people don't kill each other, beat each other until one drops to the floor or why women don't all marry the one, most successful alpha male in the region while we're at it? It's kind of all in our nature.

By your logic all marriages out there should consist of providing husband, a woman and a child from some other man with better genes. As we shift more towards thinking with the superior part of our brain, some of us can control and understand our primal instincts and filter through what is right and wrong for the world we live in and for our own personal life.
You're assuming a lot of my thinking here and are incorrect.

A much higher percentage of both men and women cheat on their spouses than don't. Cheating is normal human behavior. I'm not saying it's "right", I'm just saying that it should be hardly unexpected that it happens. In fact cheating is very predictably going to happen if a couple doesn't make the effort to be emotionally connected and involved with each other sexually.

In a 20 year marriage even fairly dull husbands are going to get a handful of opportunities with other women handed to them. The question is why in those moments do they not just move ahead and do it.

Hence me saying the original question is back wards. There's no point getting angry about normal human behavior. It's far more productive to work on ways to understand the unusual husband that commits to monogamy and see if something can be learned form it.
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Old 11-06-2010, 09:17 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

Many times it comes down to Hormones. The higher their Testosterone levels, the more they "desire", even NEED sex or release. These men struggle more with temptation than the lower test guys (if they are not getting it at home). They generally crave more variety, more excitement, they are more aggressive naturally to seek & take a Hot woman down. Truly led by their other aparatus at times.

The good thing about these men, but no consolation to their wives, is >> they have absolutely no care or love for the women they just holed, it is animalistic in nature. Ask God why he put such a DRIVE in men. Monogamy is realitively a newer concept in this world even. Unless a woman has a very high sex drive, she is not going to understand this part of her man at all. I am not saying he should be excused, just not to downplay hormones. They affect our brains tremendously.

Why Men Cheat | Psychology Today
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:18 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

Athol,
If cheating is normal human behavior as you stated, then why get married in the first place? You also mentioned that I am "shaming men" into my thinking. How is saying cheating is wrong, shaming? I don't know a single person (man or woman) who thinks cheating is okay and excusable. Why? Because society as a whole views it as morally wrong.

SA,
If we are going to use hormones to justify behavior, I will go back to women needing and wanting as many children as possible. If I decided to sabatoge my birth control to get what I am biologically driven to do, could I just blame hormones rather than taking responsibility for my actions? Technically women are supposed to be more adulterous than men. We want the most sperm and the fittest to produce the best offspring. Women (in general) aren't as unfaithful as men though. Why is that? Maybe more control of ourselves? I really don't know.
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:36 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

Interesting bit of social intercourse we have here. Reminds a bit of ... this
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:43 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: What causes a man to cheat?

Deejo,

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! That and the dead bird skit are my husband's favorite of all time. Monty Python, for the win!!!

**Side note, one of the WORST arguments we ever got in to ended when he said "I'm sorry, is this a 5 minute argument or the full half hour?" For a second I thought my head was going to explode but then busted out laughing so hard I thought I pulled a muscle.**

Last edited by Therealbrighteyes; 11-06-2010 at 11:51 AM.
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