SA,
If we are going to use hormones to justify behavior,
Brennan, I think you are hung up on REASON vs JUSTIFICATION. Manson killed those people because he was f'ing insane. That was his REASON, among others from his point of view I suppose. That is no justification.
VT,
The article SA linked talked about the chemical imbalance in some men that make them cheat. That would be a reason. If somebody has a true chemical imbalance and therefore can not stop his impulses, thoughts, etc. The issue I have is that nobody on this thread posted about that. They just mentioned alot of justifications, all of which contradicted each other. Perhaps you are right though, maybe I am hung up. I personally see no reason nor any justification for it. It's pretty raw, given that another dear friend is going through it. If it is chemical, can't we just make a pill for it? LOL.
Athol,
If we are going to use hormones to justify behavior, I will go back to women needing and wanting as many children as possible. If I decided to sabatoge my birth control to get what I am biologically driven to do, could I just blame hormones rather than taking responsibility for my actions? Technically women are supposed to be more adulterous than men. We want the most sperm and the fittest to produce the best offspring. Women (in general) aren't as unfaithful as men though. Why is that? Maybe more control of ourselves? I really don't know.
I have never felt like having 18 kids. That would be a nightmare.
It's not more control at all -it again is this raging Hormone testosterone (in many cases) & it's effects on the brain -which they have 10 times more than us, on average.
I am not trying to justify anything at all, just stating facts as I have read them time & time again. You can google them for yourself, statistically Higher Test men HAVE more affairs, more Divorce, rockier marraiges. Of coarse not all -- morality, integrity, our beliefs, learning self-control is essential to these men but it is HARDER for these particular men to overcome, that is all I am saying. The smart ones remain single , since they know they may not be able to commit & realistically keep it in their pants. And they spare alot of women alot of heartache.
Just as those who are Depressed are lacking the hormone Dophamine, we can not relate to their "funk" as the majority of us have adequate amounts, it is much easier for us to be HAPPY ~~~~ just as women are more likely to be self-controlled as we are not driven by Testosterone -in the aggressive way many men are.
Of coarse their are MANY reasons men cheat, this is just 1 of them.
**************
A study involving more than 4,000 men found that men with high testosterone levels (43 percent) were more likely to divorce and 38% more likely to have an affair outside of marraige. In comparison to men with lower levels of this hormone.
I am married to a Lower test guy, He would not cheat on me if I starved him of sex, he has even said this to me. He wouldn't like it by any means, but it wouldn't kill him either. He is not controlled by his penis, his brain is not raging for sex 3 times a day -like it might be for some men.
VT,
The article SA linked talked about the chemical imbalance in some men that make them cheat. That would be a reason. If somebody has a true chemical imbalance and therefore can not stop his impulses, thoughts, etc. The issue I have is that nobody on this thread posted about that. They just mentioned alot of justifications, all of which contradicted each other. Perhaps you are right though, maybe I am hung up. I personally see no reason nor any justification for it. It's pretty raw, given that another dear friend is going through it. If it is chemical, can't we just make a pill for it? LOL.
I was not trying to be rude when I say hung up. I guess I meant you see reason and justification as the same thing. I don't think they mean the same thing at all. So much of what you are reading as "justification", I am seeing as fact. Neither right nor wrong. No decidedly wrong. But truth/fact. I don't think the intent of those who are giving reason is to justify but explain.
If it is chemical, can't we just make a pill for it? LOL.
This very much may be the case one day!
It has been suggested that Deadbeat fathers who abandon their children , who dont pay child support & don't bother to stay in contact are lacking in "Ocytocin". In studies, when this is given to male rats, they start acting like mama's , they will build nests for their young & guard them ferociouuly, and when given a drug that blocks it , they neglect them instead. Taken from this very interesting book about our hormones & why we act the way we do >> Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books
I can not understand why they haven't used Some kind of Hormonal drug to deal with Sex offenders, or maybe they have, I am not up on these things! But I guess we can not control their taking of the drug, so still a huge problem in the system.
Athol,
If cheating is normal human behavior as you stated, then why get married in the first place? You also mentioned that I am "shaming men" into my thinking. How is saying cheating is wrong, shaming? I don't know a single person (man or woman) who thinks cheating is okay and excusable. Why? Because society as a whole views it as morally wrong.
Because men also want a primary partner and families. You're seeing everything as black and white here.
Everytime I hear a woman ranting about "a true man" would do X, or that a guy needs to "man up" it's always a woman trying to get him to do what she wants him to do. I'm sure if I started saying "true women" would offer sex on command you'd see that as a tactic to get what I wanted too.
__________________
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Athol,
So a man wants a wife to bear his children, yet wants something on the side?
I guess the bigger question in all of this would be why would a woman want to get married then? I didn't marry under the expectation of having his children, working, cooking and cleaning without the expectation of total fidelity.
I certainly didn't think I was ranting. I was asking questions, rather.
I have never felt like having 18 kids. That would be a nightmare.
It's not more control at all -it again is this raging Hormone testosterone (in many cases) & it's effects on the brain -which they have 10 times more than us, on average.
I am not trying to justify anything at all, just stating facts as I have read them time & time again. You can google them for yourself, statistically Higher Test men HAVE more affairs, more Divorce, rockier marraiges. Of coarse not all -- morality, integrity, our beliefs, learning self-control is essential to these men but it is HARDER for these particular men to overcome, that is all I am saying. The smart ones remain single , since they know they may not be able to commit & realistically keep it in their pants. And they spare alot of women alot of heartache.
Just as those who are Depressed are lacking the hormone Dophamine, we can not relate to their "funk" as the majority of us have adequate amounts, it is much easier for us to be HAPPY ~~~~ just as women are more likely to be self-controlled as we are not driven by Testosterone -in the aggressive way many men are.
Of coarse their are MANY reasons men cheat, this is just 1 of them.
**************
A study involving more than 4,000 men found that men with high testosterone levels (43 percent) were more likely to divorce and 38% more likely to have an affair outside of marraige. In comparison to men with lower levels of this hormone.
I am married to a Lower test guy, He would not cheat on me if I starved him of sex, he has even said this to me. He wouldn't like it by any means, but it wouldn't kill him either. He is not controlled by his penis, his brain is not raging for sex 3 times a day -like it might be for some men.
In some countries, I think they give rapists some kind of pills to get rid of their penises in a scientific way! Chopping off( middle eastern countries)is too brutal, I guess!
Accually I might not be against these things at all - make them Eunuchs! Here is an interesting article I googled
I don't think that men have any more hormonal urge to cheat than women do.
Cheating stats are roughly the same for both genders.
There is no gender superiority when it comes to self control.
In Chinese society, in our history, a rich man can have as many concubines as he wanted as long as he could support them financially.
After Chairman Mao took over China, we started to enforce one man one woman marriage.
But deep down in men's brain, they still think it is OK to have other women.
When a man cheats, his wife might still forgive him, we have just accepted that men are like this.
But if a woman cheats, her man will divorce her right away, and women tend to be more family oriented, deep down in our brain, we know it is very wrong to bring shame on ourselves.
This is our culture and belief, I guess western culture is very different in this regard. Western countries are being influenced by churches for many years, one man one woman marriage has been going on for thousands of years, women were taught to be submissive.
Now because of the modern society, women have more freedom, they think they can have whatever men have, they have been freed! My opinion!
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Re: What causes a man to cheat? 
