Ever since my husband asked for a divorce and countless talks I am thinking about the things he said....
He said he doesn't feel appreciated....he works a lot in a tough job (police officer) and feels like I don't appreciate him and the things he does at all...
I'm trying to change my life to the better....all the things that have been long due for a change but one thing I can't figure out how to show him....
How do you show a man how much you appreciate him and everything he does ?????
1: Thank you for marrying me, thank you for giving me a happy life.
2: I feel very secure in our marriage, thank you for being a faithful man. Thank you for coming home right away after work, thank you for doing all the stuff to make me feel secure.
3: Thank you for providing for me! Thank you for giving me an easy life.
4: Thank you for being such a great lover in bed.
5: Thank you for helping me change. Thank you for helping me improve.
In addition to words, I do things to show my love to my husband.
I am an independent career woman, but at home, I choose to be submissive, I let him make big decisions.
I cook food he likes to eat, he doesn't eat spicy food( I like to eat spicy food), so I don't cook spicy food. I cook five days a week at least. My husband is quite happy with it.
I clean up our apartment everyday, I make it neat and comfortable. he likes everything neat.
I make sure that he has money for his hobbies. I make sure that all the bills are taken care of, he doesn't need to worry. I don't waste any money on silly things. I set up a budget, and we stick to it.
I don't think showing appreciation and affection for your man is being submissive at all. It will give you far more power in the relationship than you'll ever get any other way. Luckily, guys are simple life forms. Stroke our egos, pamper us just a little, and don't be stingy with sex. Simple, Simple, Simple. My wife (on rare occasions) stuffs me in the shower and scrubs me down. It takes her just a few minutes, costs nothing, but it makes me feel like the luckiest, sexiest man on earth. Before he goes out the door, kiss him like he's your boyfriend and not your husband. Instead of putting on grandma's old, comfy flannel pajamas, put on something that makes you look and feel like a woman or better yet, crawl into bed naked and warm up against his body. When he comes home, kiss him deeply while you take off his gunbelt. Lead him to the shower. Whatever fights, arguments, dirtbags, chases, insults, or hassles he's had at work will quickly vanish.
IMHO i don't think choosing to be submissive is a good quality to have...you choose to be less that what you are? An independent career woman?
I think the word submissive is a very negative term when it comes to women, not a fan of it, sorry.
Maybe I have chosen a word you don't like to see.
What is a better word?
How about cooperative.
It is written in the Bible, a woman should let her man be the head of the house! What do you think?
She has to render her due, Her body is not just hers. what do you think?
I shouldn't have said I am a career woman, I am not a career woman, I am a working woman, what I mean is I can support myself financially.
English is my second language, I have never lived in the States or Canada or any country where people speak English, so please bear with me when I use words you don't like to see.
You're my hero, you always save me! (after he gave me a massage or did me a favor.)
You're talented. (when he shows he knows his work very well.)
I'm very proud of you! (when he is successful at his work/assignment)
Where can I find a better husband than you in the world? I must go in the tunnel to search you with a torch light. (my husband works for tunneling construction)
Thanks very much for cooking a very tasty breakfast/lunch/dinner for me! (with a big kiss & my ass shaking)
I love you only & forever. (everyday must say)
Do you love me? (everyday must ask)
Do you miss me? (everyday must ask)
My husband likes the first line the most. You're my hero, you always save me! He enjoys saving me a lot:
1. He would bring me a cup of water every night to reminder me to take medicine.
2. He would reminder me everything that I would probably forget. (I'm very forgetful)
3. He would come to rescue whenever I'm in troubles. (Sick, lost, whatever troubles)
Yes I'm very submissive & I totally depend on my husband.
He enjoys being my hero. So we're a perfect match!
I don't think showing appreciation and affection for your man is being submissive at all. It will give you far more power in the relationship than you'll ever get any other way. Luckily, guys are simple life forms. Stroke our egos, pamper us just a little, and don't be stingy with sex. Simple, Simple, Simple. My wife (on rare occasions) stuffs me in the shower and scrubs me down. It takes her just a few minutes, costs nothing, but it makes me feel like the luckiest, sexiest man on earth. Before he goes out the door, kiss him like he's your boyfriend and not your husband. Instead of putting on grandma's old, comfy flannel pajamas, put on something that makes you look and feel like a woman or better yet, crawl into bed naked and warm up against his body. When he comes home, kiss him deeply while you take off his gunbelt. Lead him to the shower. Whatever fights, arguments, dirtbags, chases, insults, or hassles he's had at work will quickly vanish.
Ever since my husband asked for a divorce and countless talks I am thinking about the things he said....
He said he doesn't feel appreciated....he works a lot in a tough job (police officer) and feels like I don't appreciate him and the things he does at all...
I'm trying to change my life to the better....all the things that have been long due for a change but one thing I can't figure out how to show him....
How do you show a man how much you appreciate him and everything he does ?????
Help please ?!?!?!
Quote:
It does sound like your husband has “checked out” of your marriage. Sounds like he’s looked at the situation, come up with the reasons for his depression and has made plans for the future. He’s taken all his emotions into account and rationalised everything. He also sounds like a “good man”.
A question for you. How did you show your husband appreciation for the things he did/does in your marriage?
Depression can come to a man when they feel under appreciated. Being under appreciated means we feel that the things we do are just not valued and therefore we don’t feel important, we don’t feel like we make a difference in the life of the person we do things for.
Why not sit down and think on all the things your husband does for his family? Then write him notes telling him the things you appreciate him for. It’s amazing what a note of appreciation can do. It brings a warm glow to our hearts, makes us stand up straighter and stick our chest out. These things are the opposite of depression.
How do you show a man how much you appreciate him and everything he does ?????
Get up in the morning with him, cook him breakfast, Make sure when he comes home, you have a hot meal prepared, welcome him at the door, not complaining about your day with the kids, but asking how his day was, As he has a VERY stressful job -every day on such a job could be his last! You listen to anything he wants to share, you offer him time to relax, wind down if he needs. Bring him coffee.
All of these things speak appreciation.
Make sure the house is clean, so he can feel comfortable in his own home. Speak words of Affirmation to him, if he fixes something around the house, thank him, even help him, tell him he is a good handyman, and what would you do without him. Even though sometimes we expect our spouses to do certain things (pick up the kids, fix the leaky roof, change a spigot, building a playhouse, shed, etc)-- go out of your way to say "Hey, you did a fine job, you R a good father!" -something. These are "Words of Affirmation", we all need to hear these things from time to time.
And at night, shut the computer off, or the Tv, get off the phone with friends, make time for HIM, cuddle up to him, show you desire him, never reject him if he comes to you 1st, give in to his desire. Shut & lock your bedroom door, no kids allowed, show this is YOUR TIME, Making Love to a man, is a healer or many many things. Not sure where your sex life is right now, but if he enjoys sex, these things will only ENHANCE what you are working to acheive here, for some, it is the way to their heart & soul. Just do not neglect the other things above.
These changes should get some response from your man, he WILL feel appreciated- if these are lived day in -day out.
That was two months ago and you are still asking how to do it.
You have started up something like 20 threads and have still not demonstrated appreciation for your husband.
I am now seeing you as perhaps your husband sees you. All words. No action. No appreciation. No change.
It's no wonder your husband wants out big time.
Bob
Wow, Bob....
I'm sorry you have this awful impression of me....
I didn't respond to your answer in my thread but I did write you several private messages instead if you can remember....
Your excellent advice you've given me was greatly appreciated and did not go unnoticed....
Other than writing notes to him though I keep telling him what I appreciate about him.....like thanking him for having dinner ready when I get home late, telling him how much I love that he's picking up the little one from daycare more than ever to spend some time with him.....
Unfortunately I can't see if it's working....he's nice and friendly to me and we get along great....but I don't see a change of mind yet....
That's why I keep asking how (else) to show my appreciation because I have the feeling I'm not doing it enough yet......to figure out what I'm missing.....
Not because I don't care about what you say....
You are an asset to this forum and among other people on here you are a member who's posts I always read....because of your wisdom in the marriage department....
But if you feel like I'm an ungrateful being then I can't change that.....just try to tell you that it's not like that at all .....
Ever since my husband asked for a divorce and countless talks I am thinking about the things he said....
He said he doesn't feel appreciated....he works a lot in a tough job (police officer) and feels like I don't appreciate him and the things he does at all...
I'm trying to change my life to the better....all the things that have been long due for a change but one thing I can't figure out how to show him....
How do you show a man how much you appreciate him and everything he does ?????
Help please ?!?!?!
Maybe you do this already but try making a point of asking him how his day went....every day. You don't have to give advice. Just listen intently. Personally, I also like to be touched while sleeping. Not mauled, but even a hand on the shoulder or a foot against the leg. It all makes for a secure and wanted feeling. Little things I know, but important nonetheless.
I
I am an independent career woman, but at home, I choose to be submissive, I let him make big decisions.
I cook food he likes to eat, he doesn't eat spicy food( I like to eat spicy food), so I don't cook spicy food. I cook five days a week at least. My husband is quite happy with it.
I clean up our apartment everyday, I make it neat and comfortable. he likes everything neat.
Boo!!!! His life sounds great, yours?....not so much(note: please realize I know virtually nothing about your marriage, I was just raised by some dirty hippy parents and married a woman's studies major. So, it may be great for you, but it would never work for me[if I were a woman]).
Look, maybe your police officer ex just wasn't the right guy. Shoe you're appreciative, but don't bend over backward and make yourself unhappy in effort to make someone else happy.
Why not go to the source? Ask your husband how HE would like you to express appreciation.
Writing a letter to my h wouldn't do any good. He isn't into words if I don't back it up with action.
My husband wants what most men want: RESPECT
clean home
food and drink
clean work clothes
My h is very sexual, he wants to be thrown on the bed and f----d. He's a happy man.
I'm sorry you have this awful impression of me....
I didn't respond to your answer in my thread but I did write you several private messages instead if you can remember....
Your excellent advice you've given me was greatly appreciated and did not go unnoticed....
Other than writing notes to him though I keep telling him what I appreciate about him.....like thanking him for having dinner ready when I get home late, telling him how much I love that he's picking up the little one from daycare more than ever to spend some time with him.....
Unfortunately I can't see if it's working....he's nice and friendly to me and we get along great....but I don't see a change of mind yet....
That's why I keep asking how (else) to show my appreciation because I have the feeling I'm not doing it enough yet......to figure out what I'm missing.....
Not because I don't care about what you say....
You are an asset to this forum and among other people on here you are a member who's posts I always read....because of your wisdom in the marriage department....
But if you feel like I'm an ungrateful being then I can't change that.....just try to tell you that it's not like that at all .....
Well I’ve a big apology to make to you DA just been through my inbox. I am sorry about that your messages were really good especially in the appreciation department.
Us oldies have our friends and family on watch to tell us if we’re getting forgetful and repeating ourselves. I’ve one mate who told me the same thing three times in a 30 min drive to play squash. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I do joke with a few that I’m practising being cantankerous for my later years, perhaps it’s upon me already lol.
Have you thought about having a chat with someone your husband respects, a friend or family? Tell them what’s in your heart and in your mind and maybe they can have a little chat with him and then give you some feedback.
Thank you for your kind words, I really do appreciate them.
Boo!!!! His life sounds great, yours?....not so much(note: please realize I know virtually nothing about your marriage, I was just raised by some dirty hippy parents and married a woman's studies major. So, it may be great for you, but it would never work for me[if I were a woman]).
Look, maybe your police officer ex just wasn't the right guy. Shoe you're appreciative, but don't bend over backward and make yourself unhappy in effort to make someone else happy.
My life is great too.
I want a man who is faithful, he is.
I want a man who is responsible, he is.
I want a man who is loving and considerate, he is.
I want a man who is a stud in bed, he is.
I do all this to make my husband happy because I cherish him. I cherish him, I don't want to lose him. He has everything I want!
How do you show a man....???? 
Re: How do you show a man....???? 
Nice stuffs.
..... 
