Sometimes we just yell out something which hurts but we don't mean it. I have done it.
Sometimes we are just acting childish and spoiled, and we want our men's attention and love. If we get it, we are silent. A hug, a kiss, a touch, fix all the hurt.
Sometimes we are being unreasonable, you just need to be firm, but don't call us down, don't yell at us, don't scream at us. We scream and yell because we are unreasonable, if you start screaming and yelling, you are not much better than us, that's called self-control, sorry, men, I know I am being unfair to require men to be better in this area, but if you want us women to respect you as men, you have to learn to master this skill.
When we are bothered by work or family stuff, you don't need to agree that we are right, but you also don't need to be defensive against us, that's just going to stop us from telling you what's bothering us!
Please always remember than we have periods, and we tend to be very moody before our periods, never pick up a fight during those days, because we are lost and confused and don't know why we feel so low those days. We don't like it either.
There's a whole portion of the raging ongoing discussion that intrigues me. And, once I managed to attract the love of my life (it had been a long-term interest), the conflict began in earnest.
This was 4 plus years ago.
Just about everything was tried to "fix" things.
Emotional appeals - including pleading
More than a bit of anger
Yet, no matter what was tried, nothing "really worked". And, when I say nothing "worked", I'm talking about what could/would keep alive the spark in the relationship.
Periodically, I would hear about her dissatisfaction with our sex life. Of course, those who read and understand here know exactly what was going on. It was one long fitness test.
Endless compromises... endless deals. Endless negotiations.. endless dissatisfaction with results.
Most men dread "day 100" of any relationship, as this is when some say the "wheels start to come off". It's now easy to understand what was/is going on.
Perhaps subconsciously, the tests begin. Are you man enough to maintain my interest? Are you man enough to be a father to the children? Are you man enough to control yourself, hold a job, be faithful, and stand up to others.
If you are, then prove it by standing up to me!
If you want to be my warrior, then show me your grace under pressure.
And, if you fail to control yourself, prepare for further tests, as I bore into your psyche and see what your fiber truly is.
Becoming a "nice guy" in response to this pressure if the road to hell. Trying to be perfect. Trying not to annoy. Trying everything in your power... stretching yourself to stay out of trouble.
No one is perfect. You will be tempted to lie and conceal - even to badmouth your wife to others as the pressure rises, as the very essence of your manhood gets swept away.
And, in the process, your wife will lose interest in this doormat of a man she has in her house.
This board is littered with the stories of men who have failed these tests. I was definitely one of those.
What I can tell you - for a fact - is that it is never too late to start passing them. Miles of ground can be made up in a very short time. But, first, you simply must be right with yourself and be able to conquer your fear. Conquer your fear of losing. And, when I mean losing, I mean losing her.
By conquering your fear of losing her, you will win her.
And, if she still doesn't respond? What have you lost? You're merely prepared for the future.
Very well said and I am wishing every good man on this forum will read this many times and study the nuances and structures that this post outlines, indeed many many problems are really only one problem.
The "spark", the only way to have a spark is friction.
The friction between a man and woman, this is the spark of sexual attraction.
Any man or woman who never fight, never tangle, never conflict, there is nothing to ignite a spark.
But what can we say about "make up sex"? WHere is this roaring fire from, than a spark of conflict leading to it?
And indeed, to begin passing fitness tests, this is not a months or weeks or even days process, it is right here, right now, the opportunity to turn around the resentment filled sexless relationship is immediate!
And exactly right, to not be afriad to "lose" your woman, when the good man realizes this in his actions, behavior, and most imprortant, his attitude, what this potential can lead to emotionally and sexually between him and his woman, I cannot type out on this family forum!
Conflict and confrontation, to the good man, become a master of these.
THen fitness tests, they are not longer any dreaded stumbling blocks, they then are the opportunities and gateways to unleashing passion and sexual experiences between the good man and woman unbelievable, sensual erotic dark and explosive!
Originally Posted by Conrad
I've broken enough for both of us.
But, if I may, the focus you and the Wolf bring to this subject makes it clear what the new course need be.
And, the first 3 minutes of any flight are the roughest.
But, the results are there.
Count me among the converted.
This is heartening.
The results are there, absolutely.
Once the man sees from his woman this cause and effect, there is nothing more needing to be said, as experiential is the only way to unerstand these things, logically speaking they are simply not going to fit.
All good men reading this forum, I can not say this enough, learn not only to embrace conflict, but become a master of confrontation.
A fitness test, it is not a logic test, it is attitude test.
A woman, she will respect the man that is comfortable with himself, with such a man, indeed his woman is secure and able to lower her defenses.
Imagine the kind of actions and behavior of a man, that allow this in his woman, and make these actions and behavior the reality.
Confident, calm, firm, humorous, in control of himself and the situation.
Conrad, you are sharing much that many other good men will benefit to see and understand for themselves. Thank you.
With my wife, only in recent years have I got her to willingly admit a time or two openly that she will do or say deliberately something on purpose to push my button, especially if I am making her feel that I am too passive or uninterested in her (sexually/emotionally).
Otherwise, mostly the fitness tests, as I understand them, they are done from a woman more of habit or intuative, and not from logic.
So for the good man, I will sum up what I understand these fitness test to be, just this:
That a woman, she is loving (needing) to see her man demonstrate himself.
If she is not seeing him demonstrate himself from his own accord, then she WILL create an opportunity for him to show his mettle.
These opportunities for her man to shine, is the fitness test.
An EA, this is not merely a test.
An EA, this is a woman already moving on to another man meeting her needs, her emotional connection.
A woman, she is not going to be emotionally connected to more than one man at a time, this will be the man that not only is passing her tests, but showing her interest and giving her emotional/sexual fulfillment.
Okay, this is just the perfect example of how to fail a fitness test completely, and the spirally crash and burn afterwards.
Notice how this woman immediately takes control of the conversation from even her first question, and the poor fellow consistently gives all authority and control and sense of approval to this woman, and claims none for himself.
Shouldn't those qualities be put to productive use?
I don't really understand the question. Are you asking me if a man's good qualities should be put to use I don't understand what this means. I think they are put to use but tested based upon what I wrote previously.
You are not a woman and I am not a man so I can't possibly understand what your biology is like and misunderstandings are constant because of this difference. For example, you tell me that men always look at other women. It's almost a compulsion based upon their biological make up. This is the way it is. Well, women are emotional and nurturing and when in a relationship where they look to a man for a fulfilling relationship the thought of that man looking at countless other women is confusing. This is our biological makeup.
This is one basic difference between the two sexes. Men want women to accept this difference but women are at odds with it emotionally. Both want the other to change to yield to their core but are unable to because it is at their core. In order to compensate for this difference a man will not admit his roaming eye or a woman will try to rationalize the behavior as normal and not admit her vulnerability. One must yield to the other in order to accept the difference but often resentments begin by the one doing the yielding.
Communication and openness/raw honesty about our cores is the only way to overcome such differences in such an intimate and constant relationship.