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The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

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Old 11-11-2010, 08:24 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

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Originally Posted by r2d210 View Post
I wish it was. Maybe this is part of my problem, but I can't get past the element of love here. Is it loving to leave for 5 hours over spilled water? What does that say to her? Every time you open your mouth in a negative way towards me I'm out of here? Come on Man! I would not want her to leave if I spoke negative to her. I love my wife and I want to work with her, not against her. I see a man being dominate in saying your peace and not doing the dishes, but I don't think it is right to leave for 5 hours. Am I wrong here?
REmove yourself, create distance, if there is physical altercation or your woman is simply out of control.

Otherwise, leaving to pursue some other activity that you enjoy is but one way of many ways to address such behavior from your woman.

THe double edge sword, do not behave only reactionary (always leaving for example), as this will still have your woman controlling the relationship.

To leave, to create space, the finess is that you should be only leaving from your own leadership to pursue somehting you choose to do, not your woman's leadership or choosing.

Can you see this difference?
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:25 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

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Originally Posted by chefmaster View Post
I've been helping with the dishes in the DW for many years, trust me when I say:

1. You will never ALWAYS do the dishes to her liking.

2. It's not always about the dishes
For us, my husband does the dishes. I never say anything, I know that he does a great job, when he is in the kitchen, the kitchen is his, I don't care what he does with it.

When I am in the kitchen cooking, the kitchen is mine!

Attitude is what we should be aware of.

No man or woman should talk to their spouses in a disrespectful way. We should show appreciation! We don't try to compete and belittle!
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:26 PM   #93 (permalink)
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MEM's list is great, but it can be overwhelming.

Work on yourself for now. Create some space. Become a little mysterious. Don't yell or argue - just DO. Detach. Build your confidence. Do NOT let her dictate your mood.
Good advice for ALL men.
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:28 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

R2D2,

I am very glad that you are getting great help from all the good men here.

My heart warms up when I see people here so loving and helpful.

And the advice they give is wonderful!
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:28 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BigBadWolf View Post
REmove yourself, create distance, if there is physical altercation or your woman is simply out of control.

Otherwise, leaving to pursue some other activity that you enjoy is but one way of many ways to address such behavior from your woman.

THe double edge sword, do not behave only reactionary (always leaving for example), as this will still have your woman controlling the relationship.

To leave, to create space, the finess is that you should be only leaving from your own leadership to pursue somehting you choose to do, not your woman's leadership or choosing.

Can you see this difference?
Wolf,

This is very intuitive.

The displeasure should be obvious from body language. But, the distance should never be "expected".

At my house, it can be a late nite motorcycle ride. It can be me going to dinner by myself. It can be me heading to the man cave in the basement for a gospel music fest. It can be simply typing on this forum. It can be construction on a project in the garage.

What it will NOT be is hanging around trying to win "approval" by logic, pleading, or hoping to "cheer up" someone who had no business *****ing in the first place.
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:34 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Rd is walking on eggshells in his own castle.

And, he's allowing it.

I wish him well in overcoming his fear of her.
A marriage relationship, with years of history, social connections, family connections, this fear to a man to lose the woman he loves, this fear can become very real, and the root of this is seeking approval of his woman by reverting to behavior, that for all reality, is that just as a child relating to his mother.

When the man truly realizes that he is his own person, happy, successful, and stops seeking approval from the opposite sex, and actually regards such approval or disapproval as humorously whimsical, and his attitude and behavior match this realiziation, then his sexual and emotional relastionships at last have the potential to exceed his wildest fantasies!
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:40 PM   #97 (permalink)
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BBW, your advice is actually similar to my advice when I read it. The only difference is you believe she wants him to have control over himself and I believe her need for control is an expression that comes from her...possibly from how she was raised or dealing with issues that made her feel a fear of loss of control. She still wants him to have confidence, of course...confidence in himself and in her.
A woman in a relationship with a man, she wants to see him succeed.

These fitness test, they are nothing bad, and nothing to be avoided, unless men avoid women altogether.

They are merely opportunities for the man to shine.

The man that shine's, he is the happy man in the sexual filled relationship.

If the man is not shining, there is without doubt, unhappiness already on both sides, resentment that needs to be dealt with, issues that need to be addressed.

Fitness tests, they shine the light on such things.

And I agree, your advice and mine are most similar, except you forgot to mention the spanking.
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:55 PM   #98 (permalink)
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I suppose I'm having a bit of difficulty squaring this testimony with some of your other posts.

Aren't you thinking some movement is necessary or you're possibly near the end?
I have one issue with my husband and it's his inability to communicate with me while at work and when this happens I feel so overwhelmingly angry and hurt and it happens a lot. There are times I feel like I am near the end when it comes to that as I posted the other day, a bad day when I wanted to strangle him.

That evening after posting here and wanting to strangle him, run far away or just basically crawl out of my skin, I got dressed up and got a babysitter and went to volunteer. I knew this would drive him insane because I didn't let him know in advance and I hoped he would come look for me, which he did. That night we talked into the wee hours of the morning about how I feel and why he does what he does.

He went to work and he came home this evening and he spoke to me about a partnership between him and I and beginning his own firm. OK, so I am happy today. I'm sure I come off as confusing here because I am blunt and share the up's and down's without a huge explanation.
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Old 11-11-2010, 09:00 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Trenton, this is exactly truth.

But understand, you will say this about any man that you are not in a relationship with, one you have not experiential trust or attraction to.

ANy woman would, and does.

But your own husband, for example, will you also fight him if he stands his ground? Is he a threat? Why not? WIll you walk away fast from that man, or instead jump him in bed when he displays his masculine mettle to you?
Hmmmm...OK, I would fight him if he stood his ground with something in spite and didn't understand where I was coming from. He is the biggest threat to me because he has the power to hurt me more than anyone. Yes, maybe I am putty in his hands if he responds appropriately but to do this a man has to stand outside of the situation and hear what his wife is meaning instead of what she is actually saying. We are tricky creatures.
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Old 11-11-2010, 09:03 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Does your wife still do this to you at times?
Absolutely!

And if I have gone a day or two without expressing strongly my mettle and sexual desire for her from my own initiatve, it will be guaranteed.

The dark, erotic, physical, aggresive sexual relations that we experience, they do not happen from business discussions.

The gateway to this kind of sexual exploration, it must be through confrontation and challenge, primal, experiential.

This is the friction, the conflict, that is the spark of sexual attraction.

And this, all this starts with these interactions what we are calling fitness tests.

Fitness test, all good men reading this, realize the opportunities that they truly are!
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Last edited by BigBadWolf; 11-11-2010 at 09:07 PM.
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Old 11-11-2010, 09:08 PM   #101 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BigBadWolf View Post
A woman in a relationship with a man, she wants to see him succeed.

These fitness test, they are nothing bad, and nothing to be avoided, unless men avoid women altogether.

They are merely opportunities for the man to shine.

The man that shine's, he is the happy man in the sexual filled relationship.

If the man is not shining, there is without doubt, unhappiness already on both sides, resentment that needs to be dealt with, issues that need to be addressed.

Fitness tests, they shine the light on such things.

And I agree, your advice and mine are most similar, except you forgot to mention the spanking.
A woman must shine also but in different ways. I think I'm beginning to understand what you're saying. If I am spanked I will most certainly fail to mention it.
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Old 11-11-2010, 10:29 PM   #102 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BigBadWolf View Post
Absolutely!

And if I have gone a day or two without expressing strongly my mettle and sexual desire for her from my own initiatve, it will be guaranteed.

The dark, erotic, physical, aggresive sexual relations that we experience, they do not happen from business discussions.

The gateway to this kind of sexual exploration, it must be through confrontation and challenge, primal, experiential.

This is the friction, the conflict, that is the spark of sexual attraction.


And this, all this starts with these interactions what we are calling fitness tests.

Fitness test, all good men reading this, realize the opportunities that they truly are!
This is fine and dandy 1-2 out of every 10 times......maybe that's where you lose me. You alway have to touch on primal, dark, pull her hair, forceful, slap her ass, take control, as if that's what all women want all the time.

You sure you're not just caught up with sex?

Last edited by OhGeesh; 11-11-2010 at 10:53 PM.
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:31 PM   #103 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

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This is fine and dandy 1-2 out of every 10 times......maybe that's where you lose me. You alway have to touch on primal, dark, pull her hair, forceful, slap her ass, take control, as if that's what all women want all the time.

You sure you're not just caught up with sex?

I don't know about other women.

I like these, I love these. I love it when my husband does all these. I keep my hair long for this purpose. I keep my bum sexy just so I get spanked.

I spank my husband's sexy bum also. And pinch him!

Love the feeling of being lusted by my MAN.

Maybe I love sex toooooooo muuuuuuuuuuch!
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Old 11-12-2010, 12:13 AM   #104 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

Wolf, MEM,

I still don't understand why friction and conflict can be the spark of sexual attraction?

Conflict means disagreement and argument.

I don't like to argue.

When people argue, their main purpose is to win the argument.

I do like to discuss things with my husband.

We share each other's opinions, but I call that conversation, I don't call that argument.

We talk to each other in a respectful way and get our opinions across.

We don't agree with each other all the time, but we learn from each other.

It is OK. I am just different.

I like our life without argument. I like our life full of peace.

Our sex life is full of spark and fire. I don't see we need friction and conflict.

Last edited by greenpearl; 11-12-2010 at 12:17 AM.
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Old 11-12-2010, 12:25 AM   #105 (permalink)
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Default Re: Calling all MEN! I need your help!

hello green pearl!

I and my wife will have a new baby.

It will be the third of our baby.
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