Been married for a little over three years..sex has never really been a big priority for me wife..she was raised to believe that sex before marriage was wrong..and I was raised the same..and while I kept my virginity I'm still a man..I still masterbaited to porn, looked at most good looking women in a sexual way..and when our dating dating got serious she would give me oral sex after I asked her to..pretty much I had to train her to give oral sex..she would touch my penis though...she even was into dry humping with me before we were married..on her parents couch! Nice...but those times are gone..she will not get on top, she says she's insecure of her weight and thinks she will crush me...she is on the heavier side for her hight(about 175 lbs, just over 5 feet) but most of her weight is in her legs and ass..she's got a very beautiful face..on pictures of her face only she looks hot..more than most models..to me she's the most beautiful woman in the world..but she needs to keep her body in shape..another thing she really doesn't care for..she barely eats..but yet she's got all this weight..I think it's just genetic with her family...that part I'm ok with because it's how she was when we married..it's the lack of sex that's tearing us apart..
I am a High drive husband..I'm crazy for sex..I want sex from every position..I wish that my wife would want to go to sex shops with me weekly to find something to try something new..
I can have sex with my wife every day if I want to and she seems to enjoy it..but she will never initiate..she will never suggest anything new or different..if I ask her she never gives an answer...when we go to bed she puts on the ugliest pajamas you can find..even though she has a few hot night dresses...when we kiss she's rarely into it..and usually it's just pecks nothing deeper..if I want her to touch my penis or do something with it I need to put her hand on it..she begins stroking it and after a minute or two starts snoring..
I still sometimes give her oral(used to about 3 times a weeks, now about once every 2 weeks) and afterwards I lay there frustrated waiting for her to do something..sometimes she notices and does..sometimes I got to wake her to do something..
I feel the reason she often gets so tired later at night is because she is physically lazy..like around the house she's doing most of the cleaning..she works part time..I work full time..she gets not even half the hours I do so I think it's kinda expected that she would clean most of the house...I'm not an ass about it..I just dont do much because of those reasons...common sense..if she worked more and I was at home It would be reversed and she never complains about it either..she likes to do it her way anyways..
I dont yell at her..I rarely complain to her about the lack of sex from her...I have snapped a few times..kicked a door..punched a wall..but not in a long time..often now I'll pass out on the couch while she says she tried to wake me..but I never am awake to notice..I tell her that sex would wake me up best..but she would never do that...like I said sex is the last thing on her mind..
We dont have any kids..we own our own house..but our lives aren't so busy that we cant make time, we're at home together anytime after 6 every day...but we have different interests..I've tried doing stuff with her that she likes but usually it doesn't lead to anything..
That's alot of *****ing and rambling..I dont believe in divorce at this point..I believe in god and feel guilty at even having the thought of divorce..our marriage looks great to other people..my wife has this near perfect personality..where everything she says or does is with alot of thinking before she does it...she never yells..she's always calm and relaxed..kind of like a peaceful old lady..I wish she was louder, and little crazy and dirty and more aggressive in bed..and in life in general..every body loves her..seems like she's never done wrong in her life...feels like everything I do is wrong..even though people see me as a nice, respectful guy..
Been married for a little over three years..sex has never really been a big priority for me wife..she was raised to believe that sex before marriage was wrong..and I was raised the same..and while I kept my virginity I'm still a man..I still masterbaited to porn, looked at most good looking women in a sexual way..and when our dating dating got serious she would give me oral sex after I asked her to..pretty much I had to train her to give oral sex..she would touch my penis though...she even was into dry humping with me before we were married..on her parents couch! Nice...but those times are gone..she will not get on top, she says she's insecure of her weight and thinks she will crush me...she is on the heavier side for her hight(about 175 lbs, just over 5 feet) but most of her weight is in her legs and ass..she's got a very beautiful face..on pictures of her face only she looks hot..more than most models..to me she's the most beautiful woman in the world..but she needs to keep her body in shape..another thing she really doesn't care for..she barely eats..but yet she's got all this weight..I think it's just genetic with her family...that part I'm ok with because it's how she was when we married..it's the lack of sex that's tearing us apart..
I am a High drive husband..I'm crazy for sex..I want sex from every position..I wish that my wife would want to go to sex shops with me weekly to find something to try something new..
I can have sex with my wife every day if I want to and she seems to enjoy it..but she will never initiate..she will never suggest anything new or different..if I ask her she never gives an answer...when we go to bed she puts on the ugliest pajamas you can find..even though she has a few hot night dresses...when we kiss she's rarely into it..and usually it's just pecks nothing deeper..if I want her to touch my penis or do something with it I need to put her hand on it..she begins stroking it and after a minute or two starts snoring..
I still sometimes give her oral(used to about 3 times a weeks, now about once every 2 weeks) and afterwards I lay there frustrated waiting for her to do something..sometimes she notices and does..sometimes I got to wake her to do something..
I feel the reason she often gets so tired later at night is because she is physically lazy..like around the house she's doing most of the cleaning..she works part time..I work full time..she gets not even half the hours I do so I think it's kinda expected that she would clean most of the house...I'm not an ass about it..I just dont do much because of those reasons...common sense..if she worked more and I was at home It would be reversed and she never complains about it either..she likes to do it her way anyways..
I dont yell at her..I rarely complain to her about the lack of sex from her...I have snapped a few times..kicked a door..punched a wall..but not in a long time..often now I'll pass out on the couch while she says she tried to wake me..but I never am awake to notice..I tell her that sex would wake me up best..but she would never do that...like I said sex is the last thing on her mind..
We dont have any kids..we own our own house..but our lives aren't so busy that we cant make time, we're at home together anytime after 6 every day...but we have different interests..I've tried doing stuff with her that she likes but usually it doesn't lead to anything..
That's alot of *****ing and rambling..I dont believe in divorce at this point..I believe in god and feel guilty at even having the thought of divorce..our marriage looks great to other people..my wife has this near perfect personality..where everything she says or does is with alot of thinking before she does it...she never yells..she's always calm and relaxed..kind of like a peaceful old lady..I wish she was louder, and little crazy and dirty and more aggressive in bed..and in life in general..every body loves her..seems like she's never done wrong in her life...feels like everything I do is wrong..even though people see me as a nice, respectful guy..
Any advice would be helpful.
You've described your relationship very well but you never say whether you talked directly to your wife about these things. If you haven't, I think you have to. Give her a chance to understand how you feel and see how she responds. It seems as though you're not communicating but getting angry that she's not the same as you sexually even though you've never given her a chance.
If you're her first she lacks experience. I get that you want her to become experienced with you but she is most likely insecure.
Honestly, it took my husband and I years before we became experimental in our sex life. We always had a lot of sex just not kinky or our of the ordinary. Slowly over the years we've opened up to one another. Anyway, my advice is to talk to her and tell her what you want and don't forget to add that you think she is beautiful.
I've talked to her about this many many times..usually at night but at other times as well..usually I just talk to her about it but a few times I've gotten pretty pissed off(slamming doors, etc) and I realize that was being immature..tantrums dont belong in marriage and I've apologized for that as well..but those were mostly in the first year only...
We had some pretty kinky sex from the start..the problem has always been that I'm the one who wants it..she's ONLY doing it with me because I ask her to...I want her to open up and introduce things on her own. I've asked her if she's ever got sexual thoughts..she says not really..I ask her then "is sex not important to you?" she says "yes it is, you know it is" but WTF?!?! Is that supposed to mean, when she says "you know it is" but yet she NEVER initiates and NEVER touches me in any sexual way..honestly I feel like I'm having sex with a blow up doll..a blow up doll will never refuse you but will also never initiate anything..it's only fun for so long..we all want to feel desired..
Seriously, How the **** does a guy who's so crazy about sex end up with someone who's complete the opposite..I knew she wasn't the hottest woman out there, I guess I was attracted to her sweetness..and I still am..but please not at night!! Like they say, "Love is blind"
A couple of things jump out at me about your post.
It sounds like by the time you get to bed, it is late and she is tired. No kids gives you the flexibility not to wait. Some women are morning types . Or certainly earlier.
She is probably self-conscious about her weight. Her on top is great for us guys, but leaves her the most exposed to your view. Try a softer atmosphere, and more comfortable positions for her (more about that in a bit).
Foreplay begins in a woman’s mind, and well before you ever get to bed. Try suggestive innuendo, flirt like you did when you were dating. Coy smiles, naughty text or phone calls during the day.
Most women prefer (or need) oral or manual stimulation to get to the big O. You cutting down on going down, is counter productive. Does she have orgasms when you do? You need to rev her up, find exactly how and what begins to spin her wheels, keep at it in a steady, consistent rhythm, DO NOT STOP OR CHANGE RHYTRM OR VARY TECHNIQUE AT ALL, until she explodes and pushes you away.
Do unto her as you would have her do unto you. Begin a series of 3 day cycles. Flirt, tease, innuendo for 2 days, tell her you find her beautiful and sexy and you want her. 3rd day tell her (or text / cell) that you have something special planned for her.
You fix dinner, candles, table cloth, glass of wine. Tell her you are going to draw her a bubble bath. Lead her by the hand, scented candles around the bath. Tell her to call you when she is done. You dry her off with a towel you had warming in the dryer. Softly kissing her neck as you do.
Wrap her in another dry warm towel. Whisper in her ear that you want to take her hand, lead her into the bedroom and give her a massage. Again, only candle light. Gently massage head to toe. Do not touch her boobs, butt or vaginal area at all. Close, but that is it. Be sure to whisper in her ear several times during this, how beautiful you think she is, how sexy you find her, smell her neck as you run your fingers through her hair and softly "ummmm" just enough for her to hear.
You should be wearing loose pajama bottoms, and no shirt for all this from after the bath on. She should be pretty hot by now.
You can give her a big kiss now. Again whisper in her ear, something like; "I'm lucky to have you, you hot sexy thing you". Kiss her neck up and down the large muscle on each side. Take her hand and kiss gently the top of her hand up to the inside of her elbow. Now from each ankle up to close to her vagina on each leg, but stop before you get there.
Whispering to her, telling her she is sexy, and what you want to do to her, is an art, and done properly can make her steaming hot before you ever touch her.
Now kneeling next to her, or standing beside the bed, look her in the eyes and smile and put your two for fingers gently pinching her nipples, palms on her breasts and kiss between her breasts as you slowly move her breasts and nipples up and down, then back and forth. She should be beginning to purr and moan by now.
Position yourself kneeling next to her on the bed, begin kissing the inside of her thighs, no touching your target yet. Lift one leg over your shoulder as you lay 90 degrees to her, resting your head on one thigh as you run your fingers over the other, then let your fingers begin exploring her vagina. Get your nose close, let her hear you smell her scent and hear your "ummmm" sounds.
Proceed to pleasure her, first exploring, then when you get the hot spot going, steady rhythm, will get her where she wants to go.
After she orgasms, just snuggle and hold her. Some kisses on her neck, and whisper in her ear, "that was your treat for tonight".
Do not do any directing her to touch you, or expect anything more tonight. She may ravage you at this point, she may not. This is all about her tonight. Forget about yourself.
Mix this up with similar but varied treatments on a 2 days off cycle for 9-12 days, and you will turn her into a vixen that will want to jump your bones and literally blow your mind, like you have hers.
Women love surprises. And you can make her mind tingle with curiosity about what delights you have in store for her next.
First spend some money and buy her several sexy silk gowns. And put away her unappealing pajamas. This is some money you guys should spend instead of saving. I used to wear granny panties before I married my husband. The first thing he told me that he didn't like granny panties, they are not sexy. He wanted me to wear matching underwear. They are not cheap, and they wear out fast, every year we have to spend about $300 on my underwear, but it is worthwhile, this is some money we have to spend , it gives you visual men something hot to look at. We save money on other areas.
And please don't feel bad that she doesn't initiate or have ideas. I have mentioned this in another thread, when we have high sex drive, we are horny more often, so we initiate more often. Just be glad that we don't get rejected. Between my husband and me, I initiate more often because I want more sex. I am just glad that whenever I want it, he is there for me. For ideas, sorry, this is men's job, we are not that creative. But you can buy some sex books and read them with your wife together, and see if that will help.
And please don't feel bad about your wife just because she is not that into sex, from your post, your wife has a lot of good qualities, consider that your luck. It is not easy to find a woman who has a lot of good qualities as a wife and she is also hot in bed. This doesn't happen often.
Toby's post has a lot of wonderful ideas, try it out!
But helping your wife open herself to you is the main issue here, it doesn't happen fast, so please be patient and let her understand the importance of feeling comfortable around you!
Positive compliments work better than showing frustration.
Compliment her on her good qualities, and make her feel appreciated, then she will try harder to please you. Showing your frustration to her will only make her feel bad and think she is not doing a good job, and that won't put her into a good mood to try new things.
We like to feel been appreciated, we don't like to feel that we owe anybody anything.
I agree with some posts from users. Romance her, take her out to dinner, let her know she's appreciated.
One of the sexiest things for women is to hear how beautiful we are and appreciated. Take her out to dinner, dancing, and give her your time. Words to a woman how much we are loved and appreciated is like sweet music. Maybe the emphasis is too much on the sex. Sex isn't just about horniness but it's lovemaking to express and feel how close you are. Not that sex isn't important. Every one has sexual needs. But what I'm saying is, it may be overemphasized.
Married guy, I don't know if this will help or not, but it is something you should consider. Weight issues are usually a pretty good indicator of thyroid issues, especially if your wife cannot lose it. I have had my thyroids removed due to cancer, and since they've been gone I haven't been the same. Weight is hard to lose for me, regardless of what I eat and how I exercise. The thyroid also produces many different hormones that effect mood and feelings. If your wife is suffering from hypothyroidism, then it is completely understandable why she is overweight as well as why she isn't into sex. Lack of thyroid hormones just exascerbate feelings of poor self image and also lower libido. I, myself, suffer with these things. I cannot satisfy my husband sexually because of --first-- how tired I generally am and --second-- my lack of self esteem in bed. Look it up online and then talk to your wife and her doctor. It doesn't hurt to get checked, and a hormone supplement will do wonders for her if this is the case. Hope this helps. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for the tips Toby..but the thing is I've done most of that, and alot of other things, after sex started drying up I started coming out with lots of new ways to romance her, I've done the candle dinner, wine, cleaning her in the shower, drying her off, whispering her in the ear..not touching her sexual parts till she's hot..giving her a light massage first, etc, etc, etc..usually somewhere in there she fell asleep or she just received it all..and totally enjoyed it..but that was it..even when I just lay there holding her..the next day has always been like the previous day didnt even happen..I know I shouldn't expect it back but when it NEVER happens you begin to wonder why even bother romancing her if she's only in it for the moment..never did she say something like "I really enjoyed last night" very rarely has my wife ever done anything like that..they say women like romance...then why do they never start it? In three years she has not once started romance aside from a few times putting on a sexy night dress...
As far as her thyroid..we've had it checked and the doctor said it's normal..but I realize those tests aren't that accurate and she could be within the normal range but still far enough out that it affects her mood..I think that's what it is..
Her weight isn't really that big of an issue..because she doesn't really look overweight..she's just got really big legs and I happen to be a guy who loves big legs and asses..I wish they were somewhat more toned and she lost a little belly fat but now I'm nitpicking, nobody is perfect..those are little things and I'm thankful for how she is physically..
It's the mental side that drives me nuts..
I've been the romantic guy, the nice guy, the sweet guy, I've even been the *******..damanding ****..usually that gets a better response from her..I've learned that she kinda likes it if I tell her what to do in a demanding way..like if I say "you owe me a blowjob" she blushes and giggles and if I say it enough she'll put her hair back and do it..and she's enjoying it..but the problem is it only ever happens when I say it...and usually it doesn't even happen..this is like once every ten times I tell her to that she'll do it..so it always feels like I'm begging like a little puppy..and it's pissing me off because I've become a little ***** because of it.
She was on birth control pills for a long time but has been off for over a year..they were to get her period to be regular..and with the pills her period was regular but she got too many headaches so we stopped using pills..
Now we just go natural but she never has a period..I'm pretty sure that's the problem why she's hardly ever horny..but still..
Why is it that as soon as a women isn't horny it's always blamed on hormones? Sex is the easiest thing to do..if she loves me and she knows I like it why not just do it? She makes me food..she cleans the house and I appreciate those things..but even when she doesn't do those things its not a big deal, I just do them myself..it's the sex that I find is just as important..and doing that by myself sucks.
A couple of things jump out at me about your post.
It sounds like by the time you get to bed, it is late and she is tired. No kids gives you the flexibility not to wait. Some women are morning types . Or certainly earlier.
She is probably self-conscious about her weight. Her on top is great for us guys, but leaves her the most exposed to your view. Try a softer atmosphere, and more comfortable positions for her (more about that in a bit).
Foreplay begins in a woman’s mind, and well before you ever get to bed. Try suggestive innuendo, flirt like you did when you were dating. Coy smiles, naughty text or phone calls during the day.
Most women prefer (or need) oral or manual stimulation to get to the big O. You cutting down on going down, is counter productive. Does she have orgasms when you do? You need to rev her up, find exactly how and what begins to spin her wheels, keep at it in a steady, consistent rhythm, DO NOT STOP OR CHANGE RHYTRM OR VARY TECHNIQUE AT ALL, until she explodes and pushes you away.
Do unto her as you would have her do unto you. Begin a series of 3 day cycles. Flirt, tease, innuendo for 2 days, tell her you find her beautiful and sexy and you want her. 3rd day tell her (or text / cell) that you have something special planned for her.
You fix dinner, candles, table cloth, glass of wine. Tell her you are going to draw her a bubble bath. Lead her by the hand, scented candles around the bath. Tell her to call you when she is done. You dry her off with a towel you had warming in the dryer. Softly kissing her neck as you do.
Wrap her in another dry warm towel. Whisper in her ear that you want to take her hand, lead her into the bedroom and give her a massage. Again, only candle light. Gently massage head to toe. Do not touch her boobs, butt or vaginal area at all. Close, but that is it. Be sure to whisper in her ear several times during this, how beautiful you think she is, how sexy you find her, smell her neck as you run your fingers through her hair and softly "ummmm" just enough for her to hear.
You should be wearing loose pajama bottoms, and no shirt for all this from after the bath on. She should be pretty hot by now.
You can give her a big kiss now. Again whisper in her ear, something like; "I'm lucky to have you, you hot sexy thing you". Kiss her neck up and down the large muscle on each side. Take her hand and kiss gently the top of her hand up to the inside of her elbow. Now from each ankle up to close to her vagina on each leg, but stop before you get there.
Whispering to her, telling her she is sexy, and what you want to do to her, is an art, and done properly can make her steaming hot before you ever touch her.
Now kneeling next to her, or standing beside the bed, look her in the eyes and smile and put your two for fingers gently pinching her nipples, palms on her breasts and kiss between her breasts as you slowly move her breasts and nipples up and down, then back and forth. She should be beginning to purr and moan by now.
Position yourself kneeling next to her on the bed, begin kissing the inside of her thighs, no touching your target yet. Lift one leg over your shoulder as you lay 90 degrees to her, resting your head on one thigh as you run your fingers over the other, then let your fingers begin exploring her vagina. Get your nose close, let her hear you smell her scent and hear your "ummmm" sounds.
Proceed to pleasure her, first exploring, then when you get the hot spot going, steady rhythm, will get her where she wants to go.
After she orgasms, just snuggle and hold her. Some kisses on her neck, and whisper in her ear, "that was your treat for tonight".
Do not do any directing her to touch you, or expect anything more tonight. She may ravage you at this point, she may not. This is all about her tonight. Forget about yourself.
Mix this up with similar but varied treatments on a 2 days off cycle for 9-12 days, and you will turn her into a vixen that will want to jump your bones and literally blow your mind, like you have hers.
Women love surprises. And you can make her mind tingle with curiosity about what delights you have in store for her next.
Try this out.
Trenton is right on here. Communication. My advice....read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It has helped me tremendously. Don't be fooled by the title, I think it can help you. My wife is similar to yours in many ways. I'm still trying to figure out how to get what I need/want out of sex, but what I have learned is you have to please yourself and make your needs clear. Part of that is being ready to move on if she is not willing to at least work with you. Low libido is not an excuse. The reason I quoted the above is because this is typical "nice guy" stuff. I have done it for years. And, you said you also have done this. You essentally try to manipulate her into wanting you sexually. Sure you get better then average sex.....for the night, but she still don't want you.....like you want her. You have to change who you are and if she is not willing to accept your needs, you will be more confident and ready to move on. Tough to do....but untill your willing to move on, meet your own needs....., sex will always be the last thing on her mind. Hope that helps.....! Please....read the book....!
I cant get the book right now but it does sound interesting..but your right being overly romantic just does not work..actually when I try that sometimes my wife gives me a reaction kinda like "WTF???"
She likes the whole candle lit thing and all but is that the only way I can have sex with my wife? geez, that's absurd, I understand for special occasions sure why not or sometimes spur of the moment..but a high sex drive guy like me wants sex at least three times a week..you would think a real man would get sex three times a week weather he romances his wife or not..because his wife would be so crazy about him that he wouldn't have to romance her just for sex..
Romancing is all good as long as it's not the sole reason for having sex..women are not stupid..when I was trying to romance my wife all the damn time I could tell that she knew it was for sex at the end of the night, and that turned her right off..
I'm talking about how to get a woman crazy for you..and being a Nice guy does NOT help, I've learned that, doesn't mean I cant do nice things..
Anyone mind giving some quotes or basic ideas behind the book "no more mr. nice guy" I'm a little cheap right now.
MG, the book is one of a kind. (It is only 10 bucks on amazon) It explains how we become nice and why we seek the approval of others, especially women. For 20 years of marriage, I have looked at marriage all wrong. I felt that if I tried hard enough to be good enough and nice enough, people would see that and I would get love and my needs met. Through covert contracts, I felt that if I did enough good things, she would give me sex in return. When she don't, I'm angry and confused. I held sex as the highest form of love my wife could give me. Therefore, when she denyed me, I was angry and upset. The book does a wonderful job explaining where this paradigm comes from and how to overcome it. For me, understanding that the problem is with me, not her..., was very eye opening. She has responded to me in a new and very exciting way. As you change yourself for the better, she will be attracted to that. It does not mean you will have sex three times a week, necessarily. However, as you change, you will be far more capable of drawing the line and letting her decide if she is willing to keep the marriage going by seeing value in fullfilling your needs. Not only that, she is more likely to do it out of attraction and not obligation. It is a road that you have to commit to, but I'm more happy then I have ever been, since I made the choice to. I'm finding I'm more attractive to my W, and I can't explain how understanding why I ended up in a sexless marriage has helped me change myself into a far more desireable person. There is too much to explain. Please check out my thread under the mens section...."calling all men....I need your help". Very, very good advice there! Hope that helps! Mem, Conrad, BBW....niceguy, they are very good at explaining what I'm trying to say! (Not to mention all the women who are also very familiar with your scenerio)
If your wife isn't having periods, then something is definitely wrong. She could have any number of issues--see a reproductive endocrinologist who is specifically trained in related issues.
How old is she? Many women are sexually inhibited until their mid to late 30s; it takes a long time to overcome the conditioning of a household in which sex wasn't mentioned or was considered "dirty," even if no one said that (the implication is clear even if the words are never said). Also, many, many women have body image issues and your wife may be one of those.
See the endocrinologist for a full work up, and consult a sex therapist if the doctor cannot find a medical issue (and even if the endocrinalogist can, if hormonal therapy doesn't help with her libido).
By the way, I find it funny that you say you "waited" to have sex but you had your wife performing sex acts on you before marriage. Sex is the whole game, not just intercourse. That's why it is called "oral sex."
Sex the last thing on My Wife's mind 
. Or certainly earlier.
And put away her unappealing pajamas. This is some money you guys should spend instead of saving. I used to wear granny panties before I married my husband. The first thing he told me that he didn't like granny panties, they are not sexy. He wanted me to wear matching underwear. They are not cheap, and they wear out fast, every year we have to spend about $300 on my underwear, but it is worthwhile, this is some money we have to spend , it gives you visual men something hot to look at. We save money on other areas.
