I am tired of good guys finishing last. I don't like it because its true inside of a relationship and out. I consider myself a goodhearted person and never like confrontation. Seems like us, the "good guys", never get a break. So after venting a bit I have to ask this. Ladies, is being "good guy" or having huge hearts make us seem weak?
There is a difference between being conflict averse and a "good guy." Being afraid of confrontation means you don't fix things. They get buried or ignored. Being a good guy is a host of other things.
I would not choose to be with someone who chose to conflict avoidance over problem solving.
I personally like good guys but seem to not pick them (something I'm sure Freud could figure out).
My husband used to be a "good guy", but said it didn't work out (ex-wife) and that women truly only like the bad guys. Don't know if I agree with that, but maybe it has some truth to it for some women.
Be true to who you are - there are women out there that like the "good guys", you just haven't found yours yet.
They may "like" or even "prefer" the nice and/or good guys.
But, they "desire" the bad boys.
I've said this before in another thread, but it is relevant. There are a lot of studies that show that women desire different men at different times. They tend to be more attracted to the 'bad boy' high testosterone type during the fertile period of their monthly cycle and reliable 'good guys' the rest of the time. No doubt the same is true of different times of their lives.
The ideal that most women would have, without societal constraints, would be a good guy to provide and a high testosterone alpha male type to impregnate her and give her alpha male type kids.
As the good guys all sit there with their thumbs up their asses - with no desire from their wives - while the bad boys take them at the opportune moment.
As the good guys all sit there with their thumbs up their asses - with no desire from their wives - while the bad boys take them at the opportune moment.
Works great.
Or they are doing all the chores, to keep her happy, while she is having an affair with the tennis pro.
Jamesa,
If you cannot learn to shift smoothly from beta/alpha and back again pretty much in "real time" and without any visible gear grinding - then you are lost. Pure alpha will get you lots of sex and no real relationship. Pure beta will get you a BFF and date night with your hand.
Read "married man sex life" it is the BEST treatment on this subject on the net.
P.S. - Your W most likely does NOT want to get her alpha action with someone else. But she may if you leave her no choice. Either way - a pure beta affect will get you little/no sex over time regardless of what she is/is not doing with her personal trainer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamesa
I've said this before in another thread, but it is relevant. There are a lot of studies that show that women desire different men at different times. They tend to be more attracted to the 'bad boy' high testosterone type during the fertile period of their monthly cycle and reliable 'good guys' the rest of the time. No doubt the same is true of different times of their lives.
The ideal that most women would have, without societal constraints, would be a good guy to provide and a high testosterone alpha male type to impregnate her and give her alpha male type kids.
Jamesa,
If you cannot learn to shift smoothly from beta/alpha and back again pretty much in "real time" and without any visible gear grinding - then you are lost. Pure alpha will get you lots of sex and no real relationship. Pure beta will get you a BFF and date night with your hand.
Absolutely. We need to do both.
To do that we need to focus on ourselves though, not waste our time trying to dominate our women. We need to know our own minds and be confident in ourselves.
I know this is guy talk but let me point this out...leaving aside the primitive wiring that sometimes might interfere with our line of thought, we're all responsible mature people who've learned to think with our superior brain.
As a consequence, i love my "beta" male just the way he is. That's because he sometimes leads me to believe he's alpha. Not through looking like a latin porn star. Actually, he's a bit overweight and keeps complaining about it while i drool and want to jump his bones every time i see him naked.
Why am i attracted to him and how do these alpha traits manifest? He can stand his own ground and doesn't "allow" me to be irrational, treat him like a child, tell him what to do etc....(in fact, when i was choosing a guy those were the traits i was looking for because i'm not the kind of nag or restrict). He's good at his job and has passion for it, he's playful and has a sort of boy-ish enthusiasm to some of his hobbies and he's learned to be a bit more aggressive in bed (note here that men don't need to be brutes to make their women desire them, they just have to be themselves and treat their wives like real live women rather than porcelain dolls that could break or be offended. Some men are taught to be so polite and gentle it tends to spoil all the attraction).
Hmmm..what else? He's funny and he seems confident in doing things. I've been with him for nearly 10 years. I know he's afraid of stuff. He's expressed those fears to me. Us women don't demand a guy with no fear,no emotion, all closed up in himself. Rather, i personally like a guy who's willing to admit he's afraid then build up the courage to face the situation.
That's all. Like MEM said, a small, small mix of alpha (which can be what i've mentioned above, it's definitely not acting like a jerk) will most likely keep your wife attracted. Having said that, my guy also cooks, likes to shop for drapes, furniture and makes most of the "girly" decisions in my house and that does not turn me off at all. It's actually more attractive considering that small dose of alpha traits i've mentioned above.
For the sake of argument, add in too much alpha and you might freak your woman out and make her insecure. My guy did that (it's true, to blend in better in an all-male work environment), i instantly spotted the change and got hit by fear of abandonment, him cheating etc....
A pure alpha male is something probably no women (ok, perhaps immature, reckless women) want in this world beyond the first two three rolls in the hay. Some of us won't even go that far because we know there's a nice beta male around the corner that would prove equally passionate in bed and probably smarter outside it. To go even further, my general reaction to alpha males is thinking of primitive, non-evolved men who still go "og wants beer". I'm not trying to be offensive, i'm being honest and explaining how i see such men. Even if i have any physical attraction for them the realization of how simple they are will turn me off pretty quick and make me be repelled by them. Maybe that's just me and other women work differently.
As for attraction, yes, i'm attracted to alpha males. I'm attracted to beta males. I'm attracted to older and younger guys. I'm attracted to some 18 year old guys strictly because that's about the time when my husband and i started having hot sex so i associate those young guys with young, hot sex the way i used to have. That's hardly the point. We're attracted to a whole slew of people. The easiest thing, by far, in life is to find someone you're attracted to to have sex with. You can do that with nearly anyone if you just want sex (without an emotional connection - and some people want this as well i'm not ruling them out). The hard part is to make the right choice in partner and 5-6-7 years after you're married to know each other and communicate well enough to keep that attraction alive. That's where i think most of us fail because attraction is by definition fragile for some people, prone to dropping because of repetition, resentment, not learning that you see only half the picture in people outside the marriage you're attracted to while you see the full picture of your spouse whom you know.
Beta males are quite fine. They're the ones that will come up on the top in the days we live in...with one mention. They need to be mature. Not standing up for oneself, not being responsible, not giving yourself equal importance to your spouse and placing her needs on top of yours always aren't signs of beta or alpha, they in my opinion are signs of one not growing up enough and being able to stand on one's two feet. And that, yes, is unattractive for some women.
A very good post about explaining what we want from a man.
A man should be a beta man who has some alpha traits in him, most traits beta, some traits alpha. The most important, sexually alpha, treat us women like women, horny women. You treat us in a horny way, then we become horny. You don't need to spoil us, you don't need to be afraid of us, you don't need to put up with us if you are really a wonderful man. Smart woman should know what kind of men to keep.
Only immature women run after alpha men, and those immature women always get hurt badly by those pure alpha men. I stay away from pure alpha men. They are not attractive to me. I don't care how much money they make, I don't care how masculine they are, if they don't treat women respectfully, I have no sexual desire for them. I might have been fooled by them when I was young, definitely not when I was older and knew what I really wanted.
As the good guys all sit there with their thumbs up their asses - with no desire from their wives - while the bad boys take them at the opportune moment.
Works great.
A post I understand by Conrad ! This one is very very funny.
Yes, those bad boys will take you at all the opportune moments alright- these are what female fantasies are made of -but we must look at reality as they are also more likely to stray/cheat on their wives, more likely to not be pleasers if they are not feeling it, more likely to want to get off to porn, go into their caves more frequently, find any form of neediness from their wives as nagging & repugnant, pushing them away, be less affectionate when they aren't needing a sexual release, more prone to hang out with the guys, and more prone to aggressive out of control behavior.
The ultimate for any woman is : find a VERY HORNY nice guy. Then you will truly have it all.
The ultimate for any woman is : find a VERY HORNY nice guy. Then you will truly have it all.
Then once he bores you to tears and you can't stand the idea of having sex with him, he'll just follow you around like a puppy hoping you'll scratch behind his ear. He'll even keep coming back wagging his tail when you kick him. It's cute.
Then once he bores you to tears and you can't stand the idea of having sex with him, he'll just follow you around like a puppy hoping you'll scratch behind his ear. He'll even keep coming back wagging his tail when you kick him. It's cute.
Awww come on, isn't that the man's fault because he doesn't want to face the possibility of loss and is willing to kiss bum to avoid it? I've seen this reversed too. I've seen women kiss a man's bum and do everything at his whim while he treats her like poo. I guess my point is that each person in the relationship has to retain respect for themselves. There have been times in my relationship where I've lost it and found myself behaving in ways I never thought possible until I realized I wasn't making myself happy or was helping make myself miserable and took my self respect back.
Re: Tired of the fact. 
