I was wondering if men make a difference when sleeping with a woman.
Do you have sex with a woman you don't care about other than sex differently than with the woman you love and care for?
Do you hug, caress, stroke hair during sex with a woman that doesn't mean anything to you or do you only do that with your lover?
I'm assuming that it relates to you, but you don't elaborate how or why.
I've never had sex with anyone I didn't care about. But I have had sex with women I didn't love. Even in the case of a few one night stands there was hair stroking, hugging and kissing involved.
In contrast there were undoubtedly sexual events in my loving relationships that were purely raw, and physical, that involved none of those tender elements - but it certainly didn't mean that I didn't love my partner.
So the short answer is yes ... you can be tender with someone you don't have a huge emotional investment in.
And you can be casual, and nothing but business with someone you are completely in love with.
Sex isn't static, nor are the feelings surrounding it.
I'm assuming that it relates to you, but you don't elaborate how or why.
I've never had sex with anyone I didn't care about. But I have had sex with women I didn't love. Even in the case of a few one night stands there was hair stroking, hugging and kissing involved.
In contrast there were undoubtedly sexual events in my loving relationships that were purely raw, and physical, that involved none of those tender elements - but it certainly didn't mean that I didn't love my partner.
So the short answer is yes ... you can be tender with someone you don't have a huge emotional investment in.
And you can be casual, and nothing but business with someone you are completely in love with.
Sex isn't static, nor are the feelings surrounding it.
Yes. That's what I wanted to know. And it is about me and my stbxhusband. We do have sex once in a while. we're still living in the same house.
I was hoping it means something more that he is holding me and caressing me during sex like he used to do when everything was ok between us. But apparently most men do that even if they don't love the woman they're having sex with.
Bummer.
Yes. That's what I wanted to know. And it is about me and my stbxhusband. We do have sex once in a while. we're still living in the same house.
I was hoping it means something more that he is holding me and caressing me during sex like he used to do when everything was ok between us. But apparently most men do that even if they don't love the woman they're having sex with.
Bummer.
I think it’s more than ok to ask questions like this, as some way of finding out what’s “normal”. But to base your conclusions and judgements on such a small survey with so few answers is I think very unrealistic.
In a way the answer you have accepted and the one you’ve based your conclusions and judgements on is the answer that agrees with you. That is, you’ve had confirmation of what you believed the answer to be.
But the truth in an answer will be what your stbx tells you. That is of course if you ask him and he answers honestly.
I think the question you are asking yourself is “Does my husband still love me”. Or “Is my husband still in love with me”. That sort of question. But you are looking for the answer based on the sexual relationship between the two of you.
You of course know a happy marriage is based on very much more than sex.
I have to admit, there is a different level of being "sensual" when its the woman you love vs it just being a jumpoff. If you are the jumpoff you aren't going to get caressed as carefully and lovingly. Because A - i don't love you like that. And B - its not what you are looking for anyway.
To the OP, if your husband is doing this again now, like he used to do, then i think it does indeed mean something. No bummer here.
In a way the answer you have accepted and the one you’ve based your conclusions and judgements on is the answer that agrees with you.
I'd rather the answer was that men do make a difference. I don't want to hear that men don't, but after Deejo's answer I kinda knew that most of the answers will most likely be the same. I wish it means something. I really do. But since he's still wanting to divorce I have to accept that it doesn't. That's going to screw me up big time for any future relationship because how would I be able to tell for sure that the guy loves me.
I have to admit, there is a different level of being "sensual" when its the woman you love vs it just being a jumpoff. If you are the jumpoff you aren't going to get caressed as carefully and lovingly. Because A - i don't love you like that. And B - its not what you are looking for anyway.
To the OP, if your husband is doing this again now, like he used to do, then i think it does indeed mean something. No bummer here.
I do want to believe that the way he acts during sex is more like making love between lovers not just plain sex. But he's still wanting a divorce so it must be wishful thinking that's all.
I'd rather the answer was that men do make a difference. I don't want to hear that men don't, but after Deejo's answer I kinda knew that most of the answers will most likely be the same. I wish it means something. I really do. But since he's still wanting to divorce I have to accept that it doesn't. That's going to screw me up big time for any future relationship because how would I be able to tell for sure that the guy loves me.
It’s a sign of a women’s love when she “consents” to and gives sex! It’s not the sign of a man’s love when he wants sex!!!
Why? Because she’s the one who bears the potential child. That’s why women take time to get to know the man. What type of man is he, can he support the mother and child etc. etc. … you know all those check lists you potential mother’s have in your head!!!
Believe me I know it’s changed these days, morning after pill and all that but it ain’t changed nothing for the better!
A man’s love is far more than simply wanting sex from you! If you’re focused so much on that it’s no wonder you don’t seem to have a clue on what’s going on in your husband and therefore in your marriage.
How to say this without hurting your feelings. You will know a man loves you because of ALL his actions toward you, not just in the bedroom. As a matter of fact, your husband is not acting at ALL loving toward you by taking advantage of your free sex while continuing down the divorce road. He must know you are not interesting in the divorce.
In my opinion, once he is gone, you may want to look into therapy to determine why you would allow someone to use you for sex when he doesn't want you.
How to say this without hurting your feelings. You will know a man loves you because of ALL his actions toward you, not just in the bedroom. As a matter of fact, your husband is not acting at ALL loving toward you by taking advantage of your free sex while continuing down the divorce road. He must know you are not interesting in the divorce.
In my opinion, once he is gone, you may want to look into therapy to determine why you would allow someone to use you for sex when he doesn't want you.
I'm assuming that it relates to you, but you don't elaborate how or why.
I've never had sex with anyone I didn't care about. But I have had sex with women I didn't love. Even in the case of a few one night stands there was hair stroking, hugging and kissing involved.
In contrast there were undoubtedly sexual events in my loving relationships that were purely raw, and physical, that involved none of those tender elements - but it certainly didn't mean that I didn't love my partner.
So the short answer is yes ... you can be tender with someone you don't have a huge emotional investment in.
And you can be casual, and nothing but business with someone you are completely in love with.
Sex isn't static, nor are the feelings surrounding it.
I don't think it's possible to say it better than that.
I do want to believe that the way he acts during sex is more like making love between lovers not just plain sex. But he's still wanting a divorce so it must be wishful thinking that's all.
Do you make a difference? 
Re: Do you make a difference? 
