New to this site; found this discussion through a search. A major problem in our marriage is this same issue, and my husband said I just need to accept him for who he is. He doesn't use deodorant - says he doesn't need it and has never needed it. He asked me directly one time if I think he does, and of course I said, "Yes!" Everyone does at a certain point. In spite of my answer, he said again that he doesn't and never has. ?? So of course that says to me that my feelings and opinions don't matter one bit, whatever he might say. He enjoys baths, which is fine, but he washes first then sits in there and falls asleep, staying in the now-grimy water for hours sometimes. Yuck! Sometimes he comes in from working very sweaty and grimy, and he'll sit on the couch and be there awhile, sometimes fall asleep, and he thinks he's fine since the sweat has now dried. He will clean his ears with his finger and then wipe it on his shirt; sometimes he will wipe his sweaty head on the hand towel in the bathroom. Who knows how often that might have happened, but I caught him today and told him to NOT hang it back up but to put it in the laundry room. Gross! It used to bother me that he sleeps on the couch half the time, but I'm mostly glad because of this hygiene problem. At least my (our) bed is cleaner! :-( I told him once too that his habit of not brushing his teeth very often makes me not want to kiss him much, and the other hygiene issues keep me from snuggling when I want to and are definitely a turn-off....but again, my feelings obviously don't matter a bit. He said I can't make him be what he's not. That's true, but I thought part of marriage was GIVING to each other and considering each others feelings. ?? I feel more like a paid companion than a wife most of the time. Sometimes we get along okay and even enjoy some outings together now and then, but it's been a LONG time for any intimacy, and it's a lonely feeling at times. :-( There are many other issues too, but the hygiene is definitely a major one for me.
I'm not sure a "reward" offering will help much in the long run, here. But you never know, maybe the positive reinforcement will help.
I think there's more to him than just laziness... Do you think that maybe he is depressed, or needing some other kind of mental help? Posted via Mobile Device
New to this site; found this discussion through a search. A major problem in our marriage is this same issue, and my husband said I just need to accept him for who he is. He doesn't use deodorant - says he doesn't need it and has never needed it. He asked me directly one time if I think he does, and of course I said, "Yes!" Everyone does at a certain point. In spite of my answer, he said again that he doesn't and never has. ?? So of course that says to me that my feelings and opinions don't matter one bit, whatever he might say. He enjoys baths, which is fine, but he washes first then sits in there and falls asleep, staying in the now-grimy water for hours sometimes. Yuck! Sometimes he comes in from working very sweaty and grimy, and he'll sit on the couch and be there awhile, sometimes fall asleep, and he thinks he's fine since the sweat has now dried. He will clean his ears with his finger and then wipe it on his shirt; sometimes he will wipe his sweaty head on the hand towel in the bathroom. Who knows how often that might have happened, but I caught him today and told him to NOT hang it back up but to put it in the laundry room. Gross! It used to bother me that he sleeps on the couch half the time, but I'm mostly glad because of this hygiene problem. At least my (our) bed is cleaner! :-( I told him once too that his habit of not brushing his teeth very often makes me not want to kiss him much, and the other hygiene issues keep me from snuggling when I want to and are definitely a turn-off....but again, my feelings obviously don't matter a bit. He said I can't make him be what he's not. That's true, but I thought part of marriage was GIVING to each other and considering each others feelings. ?? I feel more like a paid companion than a wife most of the time. Sometimes we get along okay and even enjoy some outings together now and then, but it's been a LONG time for any intimacy, and it's a lonely feeling at times. :-( There are many other issues too, but the hygiene is definitely a major one for me.
Has he always been this way, or has his hygiene habits changed?
You know, I am pretty dedicated in the hygiene department, so I find this a bit disturbing... BUT...
I also think that Its perfectly ok to NOT take a shower every day for some people. You DO need however, to keep the '4 critical areas' attended to.
from George Carlin:
“Unless you work out, or work outdoors, or for some reason come in intimate contact with huge amounts of filth and garbage every day you don’t always need a shower. All you really need is to wash the four key areas: armpits, a$$hole, crotch, and teeth!”
We cant be walking around with halitosis and 'funky butt syndrome' now do we?
Not brushing teeth is particularly problematic... unless he likes the idea of rapidly degenerating oral health and eventually putting his falsies in a glass by the bedside. Not to mention nobody that wants to get very close to him to talk or even listen.
You could try a new toy to see if it gets him excited about brushing. I tell you - I got an 'Oral B' toothbrush 10 years ago, and I think it is THE greatest thing since sliced bread. (I had to replace it once a few years ago the old one finally died). I have a small (or rather, crowded) mouth, and it makes cleaning even my very back molars and slightly impcted wisdom teeth into 'just from the dentist' squeaky smoothness a breeze. I simply cant say enough about it - its very easy and you get a sparkling clean mouth with VERY little effort.
Here... sung to the tune of the kids song "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"...
Well, not to sound funny, but we met in the winter so some of the issues weren't as noticeable. We've been married for 8 years, and he's been this way all that time. It's a long story, but this is a second marriage for me and WAY TOO HASTY, not knowing him long enough and not knowing things that now I wish that I had. So, I deal with it the best I can.
South, no, I don't know why he's like this. He's been doing this for many years, probably almost the full 20 years since he left the Marine Corps, where he had someone TELLING him he had to brush his teeth and shower. Since he got out, he's of the attitude that no one is telling him what to do anymore, so he does only what he wants to do, which is next to nothing. He's like a lump on the couch. Just no motivation. It's weird.
YIKES!! I use to work with a guy who had a bad B.O ...by early mid-day, people would discreetly move away from him when he walks into a room because he smell so bad. And yes, he also had a bad breath!
I can't imagine being married to someone like that, so I totally understand what you are going through.
I think you should AGAIN sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and how it affects you. If he doesn't do anything and continues to not wash etc, then perhaps you should seperate???? Because obviously he doesn't give a crap how you feel nor takes your feelings seriously!!
I had a woman at my work tell me that her H didn't bathe as often as he should and when he wanted a BJ she would tell him no way until you bathe because his genitals would smell like stinky feet. Ewww. I didn't ask how she knew that.
If you haven't bathed in, at minimum, the last 3 days, I will not be coming anywhere near your genitals with any part of my body. I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed with someone who didn’t bath at least once a week. *shudder*
Once a week? No way would that work for me. I am manic about being clean. I take a shower 2x a day and cannot fel right without it. Posted via Mobile Device
I too have a husband that I do not understand. We have been married 17 years, He hates to brush his teeth, he waits sometimes 5+ days before showering. He does not like when I ask him to clean himself up. He says I don't stink, I havent done anything to make myself sweat so im not dirty........... When he wants to get busy I push him away, he wonders why. I say go shower then maybe we can get busy. He stopped french kissing me years ago, probably because I complain about his breath. Our sex life is now minimal because I say no, more then yes, if he wont go shower. I Refuse to give him bg's. He hates to help around the house to, asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher has gotten to the point its easier for me to just do it all myself. He does cook occasionally and he does yardwork when I b_itch and complain, he says if I mow it, it will just grow more..... And when I say it needs water and fertilizer he says no its will mean I have to mow twice as much.......... I have the honey do list with something been on it 10 years waiting to be done..... My husband is sexy and when he does shower and clean up he is yummy. I Love My Husband! I just wish he would be more of the man I want and need him to be.... The hardest part of it all is that my family says things like why did you marry that lazy pos and it makes me sad. He really is a great guy, I just dont get why he is like this.. Oh and when its comes to me asking him to do something he will say I cant im tired or some other excuse but a friend calls and asks for help he jumps up to go help them in a heart beat.... Oh and btw I am a complete neat freak, I clean up behind him and have gone as far as getting his clothes out for him and packing is lunch, when he does shower I have to clean the bathroom after cause he leaves a mess same when he cooks or does yardwork never puts anything away. and he always complains he cant find something because I put it somewhere, because I have to put it aways since he doesnt....
My husband is the same way!!! I tried getting him shower gels, encouragement, promises of sex, threats, everything. We've been married for almost 25 years, so I just gave up. He's got rotten, missing teeth, but brushes and combs his hair every day!!! I asked him how he could "remember" to brush his hair that he wears under a hat, but couldn't remember to brush his teeth. He showers once a week and brushes his teeth as often. I only peck him with closed lips and we only have sex once a month (which is fine with me) and only if he's showered, shaved and teeth brushed. I've lost all respect and am really repulsed by him, but other than the intimacy, our relationship is fine. I am embarrassed by him, so we don't do anything socially though. I figure I'm not his mother, and he's a grown man. I am NOT going to tell him to take care of himself like he's a child. Our kids are young and still at home, so there's no chance of divorce. Like I said, our relationship is fine-kind of like room mates now who get along well, but there's just no love there. I feel for you, but it sounds like YOUR husband has some serious issues other than just the hygiene thing.
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Re: Husband's Poor Hygiene 
Re: Husband's Poor Hygiene 
I too have a husband that I do not understand. We have been married 17 years, He hates to brush his teeth, he waits sometimes 5+ days before showering. He does not like when I ask him to clean himself up. He says I don't stink, I havent done anything to make myself sweat so im not dirty........... When he wants to get busy I push him away, he wonders why. I say go shower then maybe we can get busy. He stopped french kissing me years ago, probably because I complain about his breath. Our sex life is now minimal because I say no, more then yes, if he wont go shower. I Refuse to give him bg's. He hates to help around the house to, asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher has gotten to the point its easier for me to just do it all myself. He does cook occasionally and he does yardwork when I b_itch and complain, he says if I mow it, it will just grow more..... And when I say it needs water and fertilizer he says no its will mean I have to mow twice as much.......... I have the honey do list with something been on it 10 years waiting to be done..... My husband is sexy and when he does shower and clean up he is yummy. I Love My Husband! I just wish he would be more of the man I want and need him to be.... The hardest part of it all is that my family says things like why did you marry that lazy pos and it makes me sad. He really is a great guy, I just dont get why he is like this.. Oh and when its comes to me asking him to do something he will say I cant im tired or some other excuse but a friend calls and asks for help he jumps up to go help them in a heart beat.... Oh and btw I am a complete neat freak, I clean up behind him and have gone as far as getting his clothes out for him and packing is lunch, when he does shower I have to clean the bathroom after cause he leaves a mess same when he cooks or does yardwork never puts anything away. and he always complains he cant find something because I put it somewhere, because I have to put it aways since he doesnt....
