Propose or not?

bhm1712 · 08-20-2008, 06:33 AM

My partner and i are having out first baby together due in feb 09. She has always said that she doesnt see the need to get married (and i do agree) but i just feel like that i am now ready to get married, or at least get engaged. i was speaking with her last night about marriage and she said again that she would probably marry later on.
Whilst watching tv the other day a guy proposed to a girl and my partner said " nobody ever proposed to me"

i really want to get engaged but am scared that if i ask she will be angry with me etc, what do you guys think?

justean · 08-20-2008, 09:41 AM

if your both happy as you are. stay that way.
when i had our first child ( 24 yrs old) , we really were fine as we were. there was no need to rush the marriage thing. talked about it just as you have said. but nothin else came up.
it wil come when its ready.
our son was born in may 1997 (11 yrs now).
in aug 1999 - hubby proposed and we married in feb 2000.
hubby would tell you then , when he proposed , well that was the time it was right for us.
i wouldnt worry to much , just enjoy your baby growing and the day he/she is born. enjoy your missus also.

Triton · 08-20-2008, 01:48 PM

bhm1712 · 08-21-2008, 06:41 AM

ok , but if i just proposed and didnt plan to get married asap would that be so bad? its just i feel that i want to feel more comitted now we are having a baby together etc.

Chopblock · 08-21-2008, 12:32 PM

"" nobody ever proposed to me""

Ugh... I gotta say I feel for you man, that is rough. In my experience, these little off-hand type comments are much more indicative of a person's true feelings than the ones that happen during conversation.

One minute its "eh, later is fine" and then its "nobody ever did that for me..." wow

Do you think she would say yes? Do you think its what she wants? You could try feeling her out by going ring shopping next time you are out. Stay away from bridal magazines, as they are just a tool of consumerism, and a fast road to debtsville.

Does she work or hang out with more traditional people? It'd be a shame if she was constantly dealing with those "you have a baby and you aren't married" types. I know that is tough to deal with, so maybe with a ring on her finger, it would help her defend against that.

But as long as you affirm your commitment to her, she may not even care about the ring. I love it when people are enlightened and say "I don't need a token to prove I'm loved".

Best of luck.

draconis · 08-22-2008, 03:35 AM

You can propose and let her know that you accept her either way even if it isn't the right time for it.

draconis

kitty2006 · 08-22-2008, 08:10 AM

bhm1712 · 08-24-2008, 12:51 PM

ok, today we went shopping and since i am looking for a new watch we were looking in jewelers.
im now more convinced i should propose because she kepy showing me different rings that she liked. i said that they are very expensive and she replied " i know they are, but you know, when a man proposes he should spend a little bit of money on a nice ring hahahaha"

then later at home she said "i keep thinking about that ring now, it will take me 2 years to save for that"

Blanca · 08-24-2008, 02:05 PM

that sounds like a sign to me. i like dracion's idea too, just add in there that you want to be with her either way.

draconis · 08-24-2008, 02:13 PM

When my wife and I married she waited 18 months for her ring but I let her pick out the ring she wanted and paid on it each month. She knew what she'd get in the end -- A nice ring. However, she agreed that she'd wait for that perfect ring. She loves her ring and I am proud we got it and the fact she was patient in waiting for it.

1/3 carot AA quality E (special order) clarity.

draconis

justean · 08-25-2008, 03:58 PM

well i had a ring of my hubby that he could afford at the time. but 13 yrs later i got the ring i wanted. a single stone 1.o1 carat diamond . clarity d. colourless no inclusions (special order - LONDON) gIA certified
if you love someone and you want to propose - she wil accept you for what and who u are.
i wouldnt wait 18 months - 2 yrs for a ring to get married. that can some later.

if you love her , do whats best for the both of you and good luck.

draconis · 08-26-2008, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justean

well i had a ring of my hubby that he could afford at the time. but 13 yrs later i got the ring i wanted. a single stone 1.o1 carat diamond . clarity d. colourless no inclusions (special order - LONDON) gIA certified
if you love someone and you want to propose - she wil accept you for what and who u are.
i wouldnt wait 18 months - 2 yrs for a ring to get married. that can some later.

if you love her , do whats best for the both of you and good luck.

We didn't wait to get married just for the ring.

draconis

bhm1712 · 08-26-2008, 01:30 PM

she was the one who said it would take Her 2 years to save for it if she got it herself, which i took as a hint hint for me to buy it.....i can afford it now. its a lovely platinum ring with single stone

justean · 08-27-2008, 02:35 AM

i didnt say you did. you were not mentioned specifically. it was in general.