big fan. hahaha.
Anyway - first - what if she confronts me about it? Same thing - cool, Calm? Just say something flatly - I'm new to all this.
Conflict has not been a strong suit.
I guess my thought was "I'll rip it up - see if he's man enough to confront me about it - or to just let it go" But I don't know if that thought even crossed her mind.
"Reflect behavior back to her."
What does this mean exactly? Nag her? Do the same things she was doing to me about a non-issue?
then when she gets mad - ask her "how is this helpful?"
Sorry if I'm needing more clarification.
Thanks for the "feeling needy" pep talk - sounds true. its like I need her to aknowlege she did it.
Here's the thing.
Respect is the issue. There's no earthly way to characterize her treatment of you as respectful.
You sound like tiptoeing around to keep her from getting upset has been a strategy you've employed. Sadly, that gets you less of (respect) what you really want. She can sense your tiptoes and it's like waving a green light to push further in.
A cool, firm response is required to enforce the boundary. The key thing is that response does not include defense. So, your encounters require a certain amount of wisdom to navigate - at least at first.
If she's asking you a question? Just answer it. Don't assume any sort of ulterior agenda on her part until she starts "pushing it". You'll know that by the internal alarms that start to go off and the temptation to start with the tiptoe soothing routine.
Pay attention to what's happening with your emotions. If you feel yourself getting amped up/defensive, you can always say, "How did this get so big?"
What this does is it reflects back the negative emotion and holds her accountable for initiating conflict. She then has to decide how far she wants to go.
I'm sure she's been very good at pressing your buttons. And, she's been getting the same response for years. You changing the dance will be met with resistance.
Think of it like a soda machine. She's going to press the Coke button and Coke is going to stop coming out. It will take awhile for her to adjust to this, so be patient.
Do not nag. Do not initiate.
You simply want respect for yourself - you won't get it by going on offense.