What is respect to a man?
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What is respect to a man?

I am really confused...heard how important it is for men to receive respect in a relationship:

Disrespectful?

When in a disagreement and a woman continues talking when you ask her to stop? (man will not bring it up ever again)

A man tells his wife he wants to go to sleep and a woman wants to converse? (man unwilling to make time)

He says he doesn't want to have sex and she continues to try? (man rejects wife anyway)

There are ( ) around the other side of the relationship. Just wondered am I totally wrong? Is my behavior disrespectful?

My husband works around the clock, is overly tired, doesn't want to talk, rejects sex and just wants to sleep and told me I am disrespectful.

I was raised to respect my father and have no problem being under a mans authority but am confused to how wanting to talk, figure out problems or have sex have to do with respect?

Do men think that their needs (sleep, silence, not wanting to have sex) are a matter of getting respect and more important than their spouses needs?

Last edited by 40jane; 01-13-2011 at 10:15 AM.
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Your first two examples sound like my H's idea of respect.

I'm learning to see his point and give him that kind of respect...

As long as he can show me the respect of returning to an unresolved discussion.
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:05 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

If this happens every once in a while, then the wife is being disrespectful. She should wait for a better time to talk, sex, etc.

If it happens all the time, then the husband is being disrespectful. He should find time to talk and make love with his wife.
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

He is rejecting you,I thought this post was going the other way,you should always have time for your wife & her needs as well as your sex included very important to make love to one another.
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

The first two examples also happen in my marriage.

I'm working on that too...

But I totally disagree that asking for sexual intimacy is disrespect - unless he is sick or something is wrong where he can't participate fully and you keep pushing it, then it appears selfish, not disrepectful.
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

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Originally Posted by SadSamIAm View Post
If this happens every once in a while, then the wife is being disrespectful. She should wait for a better time to talk, sex, etc.

If it happens all the time, then the husband is being disrespectful. He should find time to talk and make love with his wife.


Should be some kind of balance there.
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Is he asking for respect-treat me the way you would want to be treated(i.e.-quit nagging me),
or, is he demanding blind obedience?
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Really sounds like he's just ignoring you - I don't actually think its about respect.
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

i think respect is taking the other persons feeling into account. respecting their boundries and fears. doing nice things for the other person, even when you dont want to.

i think you should build the other person up, not tear them down. your spouse is not your child and i think another part of respect is treating them like an adult.

you should always share your day with each other, its important to download, we all need to talk and vent, and share a closeness with another person.

thats my view...........
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

I can remember a few examples in our marriage.

Many years ago, I wanted to buy an apartment, but at that time my husband wasn't sure about Taiwan's situation and he wasn't sure how long he would stay in Taiwan. He said no. I didn't pursue the topic. Then one year later, he wanted to buy an apartment, he realized that he would live in Taiwan for many years, and he knew how much I wanted a place of our own. We took the action right away. To this day, he is happy that I didn't push him into buying a place, and he is happy that we made a good choice of buying a place.

While we were buying furniture, I saw a set I really liked, but he thought the price was too expensive, he didn't want to buy it. I cried, (at that time I would still cry), but I walked away with him. A few days later, we saw a similar set in a different furniture store, only the price was cheaper, my husband bought it for us( or me) right away! It's European style, white color, I love it!

Now I am even better at handling this kind of situation, we go shopping, I see something I like, but he thinks it might be too expensive or not stylish. I just walk away with him no matter how much I love it!

I usually talk to him in a soft tone even though I disagree with him, I will tell him what's in my mind, but I never force him to do anything.

If he tells me he wants to pursue a hobby, right from the beginning, I say a few negative things, but I don't try to stop him from doing it. When he needs money, I usually let him buy something with better quality!

Last edited by greenpearl; 01-13-2011 at 05:45 PM.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:01 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

I think carefully, I realize in many ways I respect my husband's wish and I get a lot of benefit from doing it.

My husband wants me to keep my long hair, I do it, I get to look pretty.

My husband wants me to keep on going to the beautician regularly, I do it, I get to have beautiful skin!

My husband wanted me to start wearing comfortable shoes like Birkenstock, I did it. Those shoes are not sexy looking, but they are good for my body. Just read an article says that our feet are our second heart, we shouldn't wear high heels or tight shoes often.

My husband wants me to wear sexy jeans, I do it, and I feel great getting all the sexy compliment from him.

My husband wants me to eat more fruit, now our budget for fruit every month is about $ 200(In Taiwan it is a lot, one third of the official lowest income), but it is giving us great health. Through out 2010, I didn't need to take a sick day off. Now a lot of my students are having colds, I sit right in front of them, I am fine. I think my skin also looks better with all the fruit I am eating. Slim for sure.

Anyway, I let my husband design me, I don't feel pressured, I am happy. And since I am so accommodating, my husband is happy, he becomes more interested in me, he dotes his love on me, my love is pouring out as I am writing since I know I have a wonderful man who loves me dearly!

Last edited by greenpearl; 01-13-2011 at 07:06 PM.
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

greenpearl..if your husband was treating you badly, ignoring you, not spending time with you and rejected you would you still behave in a "respectful" manner?

I do see the benefits of you following your husband's lead but also wondered if you feel that sometimes you don't have individuality? A voice to be heard or that you are valued?

It may be in your country this was taught to woman. Do you think this is the case?
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 40jane View Post
greenpearl..if your husband was treating you badly, ignoring you, not spending time with you and rejected you would you still behave in a "respectful" manner?

I do see the benefits of you following your husband's lead but also wondered if you feel that sometimes you don't have individuality? A voice to be heard or that you are valued?

It may be in your country this was taught to woman. Do you think this is the case?
I don't think I will be respectful towards unloving man. I don't just follow orders.

If a man is unloving to me, I can sense it, I leave right away. My personality. A man said hurtful things to me, a week later, he found out that he couldn't find me anymore. A man tried to punch me, the second time he wanted to meet, I stood him up. A man actually slapped me, I turned him down no matter how much he begged me later.

I have my personality, a strong personality actually. I don't allow men to treat me in a disrespectful and unloving way.

One thing I don't allow my husband to change is what I read, what kind of movies I watch, and what kind of music I listen to. I just told him" I respect yours, but let me have mine, I don't like the kind of stuff you read." He is totally fine with me!
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Sounds like your husband wants his way. I don't see much disrespect in the examples.
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is respect to a man?

Unloving is just unloving,you desire more tell him to change or go dont suffer.
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