The first two examples also happen in my marriage.
I'm working on that too...
But I totally disagree that asking for sexual intimacy is disrespect - unless he is sick or something is wrong where he can't participate fully and you keep pushing it, then it appears selfish, not disrepectful.
Many years ago, I wanted to buy an apartment, but at that time my husband wasn't sure about Taiwan's situation and he wasn't sure how long he would stay in Taiwan. He said no. I didn't pursue the topic. Then one year later, he wanted to buy an apartment, he realized that he would live in Taiwan for many years, and he knew how much I wanted a place of our own. We took the action right away. To this day, he is happy that I didn't push him into buying a place, and he is happy that we made a good choice of buying a place.
While we were buying furniture, I saw a set I really liked, but he thought the price was too expensive, he didn't want to buy it. I cried, (at that time I would still cry), but I walked away with him. A few days later, we saw a similar set in a different furniture store, only the price was cheaper, my husband bought it for us( or me) right away! It's European style, white color, I love it!
Now I am even better at handling this kind of situation, we go shopping, I see something I like, but he thinks it might be too expensive or not stylish. I just walk away with him no matter how much I love it!
I usually talk to him in a soft tone even though I disagree with him, I will tell him what's in my mind, but I never force him to do anything.
If he tells me he wants to pursue a hobby, right from the beginning, I say a few negative things, but I don't try to stop him from doing it. When he needs money, I usually let him buy something with better quality!
I think carefully, I realize in many ways I respect my husband's wish and I get a lot of benefit from doing it.
My husband wants me to keep my long hair, I do it, I get to look pretty.
My husband wants me to keep on going to the beautician regularly, I do it, I get to have beautiful skin!
My husband wanted me to start wearing comfortable shoes like Birkenstock, I did it. Those shoes are not sexy looking, but they are good for my body. Just read an article says that our feet are our second heart, we shouldn't wear high heels or tight shoes often.
My husband wants me to wear sexy jeans, I do it, and I feel great getting all the sexy compliment from him.
My husband wants me to eat more fruit, now our budget for fruit every month is about $ 200(In Taiwan it is a lot, one third of the official lowest income), but it is giving us great health. Through out 2010, I didn't need to take a sick day off. Now a lot of my students are having colds, I sit right in front of them, I am fine. I think my skin also looks better with all the fruit I am eating. Slim for sure.
Anyway, I let my husband design me, I don't feel pressured, I am happy. And since I am so accommodating, my husband is happy, he becomes more interested in me, he dotes his love on me, my love is pouring out as I am writing since I know I have a wonderful man who loves me dearly!
greenpearl..if your husband was treating you badly, ignoring you, not spending time with you and rejected you would you still behave in a "respectful" manner?
I do see the benefits of you following your husband's lead but also wondered if you feel that sometimes you don't have individuality? A voice to be heard or that you are valued?
It may be in your country this was taught to woman. Do you think this is the case?
I don't think I will be respectful towards unloving man. I don't just follow orders.
If a man is unloving to me, I can sense it, I leave right away. My personality. A man said hurtful things to me, a week later, he found out that he couldn't find me anymore. A man tried to punch me, the second time he wanted to meet, I stood him up. A man actually slapped me, I turned him down no matter how much he begged me later.
I have my personality, a strong personality actually. I don't allow men to treat me in a disrespectful and unloving way.
One thing I don't allow my husband to change is what I read, what kind of movies I watch, and what kind of music I listen to. I just told him" I respect yours, but let me have mine, I don't like the kind of stuff you read." He is totally fine with me!