I'm not trying to "buy any trouble," I have enough as it is.
But, I've noticed changes in my husband since "the incident" in December and I was wondering what it means. I don't want to say anything to burst the bubble, but I want to make sure the changes are for the right reasons (us and him), versus just him (getting ready for the next woman).
I've been insecure since his injury, rightly so, and am working on that, but...
My husband gained a lot of weight after his brain injury. In December, he decided to buy a treadmill and weight machine to get the weight off. He's been eating better and has lost 14 lbs thus far.
He quit drinking and has been nicer and much more pleasant to be around.
He's retired military, so everytime he got his hair cut he got it buzzed. I always told him I liked it better longer, but he said his hair - so I shut up about it. He got his hair cut today and left it longer, the way I like it - I didn't say anything, but noticed.
And, he's not surfing porn as much anymore, but the action in the bedroom is about the same, but, his ED isn't as bad (no drinking).
So, what to make of it?
- Not drinking
- Treating me with respect
- Losing weight
- Not surfing porn all the time
- When I asked for sex, wasn't rejected
So - these are GOOD changes and I'm taking them as such. But why the turnaround all of a sudden? I know for a fact that there's nothing going on with anyone, so are these changes for him, because he's feeling better and for me, thus for us?
Just asking - I'm glad about the changes and I'm not trying to start anything or buy any more trouble, but it has all happened within a few weeks, so I'm curious.
Right now, I would just go with it. Unless he gives you some other indications something might be going on. Do not read to much into anything. Accept it for what it is, and look at it right now as he might really be trying to make a change.
I am not a guy. All I have to say is I would be so overwhelmingly happy if your extraordinary patience, effort and faith paid off for both of you. Cautious optimism is in order. If he were working toward the NEXT woman, he would not be noticeably treating you with respect.
My input is not to dwell on it. Stop thinking about the 'Why?'.
My presumption would be that he had some substantial discussions with the doctors when he was in hospital. Stop drinking and get off your a$$ and do something were probably strongly urged as a part of his recovery.
I don't mean to sound insensitive, but the best analogy I can think of in terms of how you should handle this is the equivalent of dealing with a wild animal. That comparison was given to me when I worked with juvenile offenders a very long time ago. You can be optimistic for him, but should not, cannot simply let your guard down - not after what happened.
He's unpredictable. You need to NOT frame things in terms of normal or what is expected. I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know. In short, I think what he's doing is great. It's positive. But don't hang your hopes on it. And don't count on what he is doing when factoring in what you need to be doing for yourself.
Presume he's doing it for 'him', not you, not a sense of 'us'. Don't project what the changes mean in a context of how they affect you - you will likely be disappointed.
They sound like very, very, positive steps. Acknowledge as much if it is appropriate, but don't dwell on it - and don't try to tie it to your relationship or your own self-esteem.
My BIL had brain trauma resulting from a tumor several years ago. He simply was NEVER the guy he was prior to the tumor. His and my ex's extraordinarily f*cked up parents simply couldn't acknowledge that fact. At one point his father actually said to him, "Do you think you would have been better off, if you didn't make it?" No wonder both of their kids are messed up.
I am not a guy. All I have to say is I would be so overwhelmingly happy if your extraordinary patience, effort and faith paid off for both of you. Cautious optimism is in order. If he were working toward the NEXT woman, he would not be noticeably treating you with respect.
Got a point there - but really, the haircut did throw me for a loop! Maybe some hot thing at the VA said he looked good with it longer...you know how it is, MY opinion doesn't matter much after 27 years!
Right now, I would just go with it. Unless he gives you some other indications something might be going on. Do not read to much into anything. Accept it for what it is, and look at it right now as he might really be trying to make a change.
Roger that - what I'm trying to do, but keeping on guard, just in case.
My input is not to dwell on it. Stop thinking about the 'Why?'.
My presumption would be that he had some substantial discussions with the doctors when he was in hospital. Stop drinking and get off your a$$ and do something were probably strongly urged as a part of his recovery.
I don't mean to sound insensitive, but the best analogy I can think of in terms of how you should handle this is the equivalent of dealing with a wild animal. That comparison was given to me when I worked with juvenile offenders a very long time ago. You can be optimistic for him, but should not, cannot simply let your guard down - not after what happened.
He's unpredictable. You need to NOT frame things in terms of normal or what is expected. I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know. In short, I think what he's doing is great. It's positive. But don't hang your hopes on it. And don't count on what he is doing when factoring in what you need to be doing for yourself.
Presume he's doing it for 'him', not you, not a sense of 'us'. Don't project what the changes mean in a context of how they affect you - you will likely be disappointed.
They sound like very, very, positive steps. Acknowledge as much if it is appropriate, but don't dwell on it - and don't try to tie it to your relationship or your own self-esteem.
My BIL had brain trauma resulting from a tumor several years ago. He simply was NEVER the guy he was prior to the tumor. His and my ex's extraordinarily f*cked up parents simply couldn't acknowledge that fact. At one point his father actually said to him, "Do you think you would have been better off, if you didn't make it?" No wonder both of their kids are messed up.
You're right, what an a**hole! Why would anyone say that to someone with a brain injury, let alone your own father!
You're right, what an a**hole! Why would anyone say that to someone with a brain injury, let alone your own father!
Thanks for the advice...
These are the same people that refused to believe our son was autistic. They simply believed, and said to my ex, that she was a crappy mother and we did a lousy job of parenting and disciplining.
Do wish you a happy outcome in your circumstances MWIL.
What Does His Behavior Mean? Anything? 
