Originally Posted by Conrad

I would echo what Deejo says. This isn't you jonny is talking about.

I think it's great that you respect yourself in that way. But, clearly, jonny needs to work on himself in that area.

Leaving a marriage (for a man) is a very costly endeavor. I don't think there's any harm in working on oneself and seeing how things look before making huge decisions.

That's really all that's being recommended.

Do you see something different?

Originally Posted by greenpearl

Here we are similar!

I don't let other people be disrespectful towards me.

When I sensed that the man didn't care much for me, I dumped him right away or I really didn't feel much pain when I got dumped by the man. I don't let myself hurt myself, I don't give other people more opportunities to hurt me!

But when people are married, the situation becomes more difficult, how can we be so decisive? We can't just walk out of a marriage. And if we can't solve our problem here, we might have problems somewhere else, just different problems.

How do we make sure that we don't make same kind of mistakes again, and how do we make sure we have a better chance in the future?

Originally Posted by moonangel

You asked what I would do, didn't you?

I know that Jonny has low self-esteem. He needs to work on that first instead of trying to do whatever he can to keep his wife. It's like he's covering it up with more things he doesn't agree with...circles. What's so wrong with telling her your true feelings without getting angry. Just talk. Cry. Show your feelings. Geesh. It's not like you have to be a robot. You're human. Doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. If the higher powers didn't want you to have feelings, he'd of made you a tree.

Originally Posted by moonangel

You asked what I would do, didn't you?

I know that Jonny has low self-esteem. He needs to work on that first instead of trying to do whatever he can to keep his wife. It's like he's covering it up with more things he doesn't agree with...circles. What's so wrong with telling her your true feelings without getting angry. Just talk. Cry. Show your feelings. Geesh. It's not like you have to be a robot. You're human. Doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. If the higher powers didn't want you to have feelings, he'd of made you a tree.

Originally Posted by OhGeesh

This is how I feel be real.

Originally Posted by moonangel

I'm getting a headache from reading this problem because it just seems to go in circles. It's almost like you enjoy it. I know you're here to seek help but I'm not feeling it.

Can both of you just sit down and talk about your feelings to each other? I find that works best.

...and her talking to Bob...I don't even know how you can just stand there and let her. My husband would not even allow it and vice versa. But the thing with me is if he talks to another girl, he knows I'm out. I'm not going to play dumb about things like that. Luckily that's the last thing on his mind. Why are you so scared to man up to things like that? I really don't get that.

Originally Posted by Conrad

jonny,

What would it take to "be that man" again?

It clearly doesn't require your wife, as you were that man BEFORE you met her.

Originally Posted by moonangel

It's very easy, Conrad. I'd leave. I don't live my life making excuses for everything. If something felt wrong, I'd bring it up and talk about it. Not me doing all the talking but listening to him and see where he's coming from and try to understand him as well. I'd expect the same in return. If the talk didn't work, I wouldn't waste my time trying to fix it. I'd move on.

But the talking to someone else on the phone part. I wouldn't waste time trying to fix that. It would have been clear in the beginning that, that was a no no and if done, then I'm out the door for good.

Sorry, but I have self-respect.

Originally Posted by jonny

Re : sitting down and talking.

I've tried. It doesn't work.

Opening up - pouring out feelings - I tried that to. It was an all out cry / blah fest. At first I thought it worked, I thought me breaking down my walls worked.

it didn't. It's like it was just used as a weapon against me.

It's like I lost respect by doing that.

Which echos what is said here by guys such as deejo, conrad and the big bad wolf.

Enough is enough.

I don't deserve this sh!t.

Originally Posted by moonangel

GOOD. Then you'll be single soon.

Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove

Okay, a little harsh.

Sounds like he wants to man-up and work on his marriage.

Not just man-up and walk out.

Admirable for those of us with husbands that would just as soon as have the screen door hit their a**es on the way out then stay and "try" to work things out.

Originally Posted by moonangel

greenpearl, I pray that they move on and find happiness.

I can see why there are so many relationship problems out there. Too many people want to stay and try to fix something that can't be fixed. I understand there are situations where things can be fixed but sometimes, it's so obvious and they refuse to see it. It's like a fairytale in their minds that the other person will change. They don't see this until years later when things are completely polluted and the only way out is to duck, cover and crawl out.