The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
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post #181 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-07-2015, 07:10 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

WOW. Just fouind this. Me and wife spot on.
Im the hot one and shes cold. Always been like it. More so after 20 years or so of marriage.

I never understand why she cant be more loving and sometime seems like she cant be bothered. Also she seems to push away at times as if Im getting too close. Very upsetting.

She seems happy to just be together and not need too much of the other stuff.

Seems its fairly common then.
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post #182 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-08-2015, 01:30 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Does anyone else find thinking of a thermostat as a barometer is like eating a sno-cone too fast?
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post #183 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-17-2015, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Forest,

Well done. My - umm - poor choice of words has been bothering me almost from the get go on this thread.

You are the first person to mention it.

Perhaps better would be: The thermostat, the ultimate gauge of your relationship.





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Does anyone else find thinking of a thermostat as a barometer is like eating a sno-cone too fast?
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post #184 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-17-2015, 06:42 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

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Forest,

Well done. My - umm - poor choice of words has been bothering me almost from the get go on this thread.

You are the first person to mention it.

Perhaps better would be: The thermostat, the ultimate gauge of your relationship.
No way. The therm/barometer thing is the Jenny Say Quah of the whole thread.
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post #185 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-18-2015, 07:12 AM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Well, this concept ultimately saved my sex life. Thank you MEM.
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post #186 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-22-2015, 08:13 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

I realize this is a zombie thread, but its the first time I've seen it too. Very interesting. If I may ask MEM, where did you come across this concept? A book? Article? I'm interested in reading more about it if more is available.
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post #187 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-23-2015, 05:14 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

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Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
Forest,

Well done. My - umm - poor choice of words has been bothering me almost from the get go on this thread.

You are the first person to mention it.

Perhaps better would be: The thermostat, the ultimate gauge of your relationship.
Alright, lets see if this works. See last post
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post #188 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-23-2015, 06:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

BioFury,

Love that screen name.

I read this article about the pursuer/pursuit model of romance.

Than I read the 5 love languages.

This concept is my synthesis of those two aspects of a LTR.

And FWIW, co-managing the emotional temperature in the house has made for a very happy, loving marriage.


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Originally Posted by BioFury View Post
I realize this is a zombie thread, but its the first time I've seen it too. Very interesting. If I may ask MEM, where did you come across this concept? A book? Article? I'm interested in reading more about it if more is available.
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post #189 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-23-2015, 10:20 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

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BioFury,

Love that screen name.

I read this article about the pursuer/pursuit model of romance.

Than I read the 5 love languages.

This concept is my synthesis of those two aspects of a LTR.

And FWIW, co-managing the emotional temperature in the house has made for a very happy, loving marriage.
Thank you

Ok, do you perchance recall the title of the article? I have the 5 love languages, but what I took from it was more about how people recognize love and accept love, rather than how "aggressive" people are in love, and how they react to their partners level of "aggression". Or to their partner trying to build up or strengthen the relationship. If that makes sense.
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post #190 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-23-2015, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

The best source of info on the pursuer/pursued is Ester

Sample article below.

In 'theory' some folks will say that spending tons of time with your partner and touching each other a lot non sexually creates more intimacy which will lead to more sex.

That's not quite true for most couples. For MOST folks, seeing and touching each other LESS than they want to, creates sexual desire.

The highest desire levels M2 and I BOTH had, were when I travelled for work 3-4 days a week.

Obviously there are many other factors that feed into the equation but that is a big one.

The closer the couple, the better the sex? Not so - Telegraph


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Thank you

Ok, do you perchance recall the title of the article? I have the 5 love languages, but what I took from it was more about how people recognize love and accept love, rather than how "aggressive" people are in love, and how they react to their partners level of "aggression". Or to their partner trying to build up or strengthen the relationship. If that makes sense.
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post #191 of 194 (permalink) Old 09-24-2015, 12:00 AM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
The best source of info on the pursuer/pursued is Ester

Sample article below.

In 'theory' some folks will say that spending tons of time with your partner and touching each other a lot non sexually creates more intimacy which will lead to more sex.

That's not quite true for most couples. For MOST folks, seeing and touching each other LESS than they want to, creates sexual desire.

The highest desire levels M2 and I BOTH had, were when I travelled for work 3-4 days a week.

Obviously there are many other factors that feed into the equation but that is a big one.

The closer the couple, the better the sex? Not so - Telegraph
Yes, a man dying of thirst will appreciate a cup of water more than you or I. Thanks for the article
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post #192 of 194 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 01:18 AM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Great Thread. I stumbled upon this while searching how to live life for me. Im hot an the W is cold. Your description is of us almost perfectly. Heres the thing. About 6 months ago I caught my wife having an emotional affair with a guy at her work. She lied about it for 4 months and told me it was nothing till she got fired and needed me. When I found out I got real hot thinking I did something wrong. but in the end it wasn't me and I need to cool down now. We did the marriage counseling thing, and it just wasn't really going anywhere cause she lied to the consoler so I stopped going. Now we go to separated consolers. Fast forward we are working things out and things are better but she says Im passive. I also have the feeling I lost myself cause of paying so much attention to her. I recently started going to the gym and lost 30lbs got myself back together. Now I new her to get emotionally back to being warmer. So Im going to give this a try.. Any other advice would be great.
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post #193 of 194 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 07:37 AM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

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Originally Posted by Horsa215 View Post
Great Thread. I stumbled upon this while searching how to live life for me. Im hot an the W is cold. Your description is of us almost perfectly. Heres the thing. About 6 months ago I caught my wife having an emotional affair with a guy at her work. She lied about it for 4 months and told me it was nothing till she got fired and needed me. When I found out I got real hot thinking I did something wrong. but in the end it wasn't me and I need to cool down now. We did the marriage counseling thing, and it just wasn't really going anywhere cause she lied to the consoler so I stopped going. Now we go to separated consolers. Fast forward we are working things out and things are better but she says Im passive. I also have the feeling I lost myself cause of paying so much attention to her. I recently started going to the gym and lost 30lbs got myself back together. Now I new her to get emotionally back to being warmer. So Im going to give this a try.. Any other advice would be great.
@Horsa215:

Lowering the thermostat is not necessarily what one wants to do exclusively in the wake of an affair.

I would suggest starting a thread in the Coping With Infidelity section. You will receive better advice that way.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #194 of 194 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R

Hello, @Horsa215

Have you browsed the other sticky threads and recommended readings?

Be A Better Man, Be A Better Partner

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Resources for men...
ADHD and Marriage
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