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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-05-2011, 08:44 AM Thread Starter
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advice from men needed

My husband never talks about himself even when I ask him direct questions(and believe we they aren't how did you feel when your girlfriend cheated on you) just general stuff like tell me about when you...He recently said its b/c people aren't really interested when they ask-I guess I'm included in that to. For me its really hard to imagine somebody who see's the world this way. I don't want to say how his lack of info affects me b/c I want to see if you men think this is a big deal.
I also have a hard time with my husband being emotionally cold when I'm trying to explain problems I'm having in our marriage. He is a very unemotional person normally but this goes to zero when I talk about my insecurities--kind of the opposite affect I'm looking for.
Our recent problem centers around sex. He got prescribed testosterone last year but stopped taking a few days later b/c he said it gave him diarrhea(dr. says this is not expected side-affect) He also said that it could make him go bald quicker and I know this really bothers him, but I can't believe he's willing to give up on his penis( I thought he was you men's best friend)for vanity(he is not a vain man).
I had recently asked him for more sex (we were 1x/wk and it was ending in5-10 min)which resulted in less sex. I initiate too but after awhile you feel like you're making somebody do something they don't want. He informed me he had no sexual thoughts and no desire(before it was equipment not working but still had desire) I explained that this is hard b/c since he doesn't talk much I didn't know where our connection would come from. I also made it completely obvious that some reassurance of his love and dedication would be welcome but none came. Later I brought up again how I think it was normal that a spouse might want some reassurances of llove and attractiveness after hearing such a thing but all he did was look pleasantly at me and say nothing(this is actually an improvemnt-when I used to talk about my feeling he would look hostilely at me and not say anything) I don't understand how he can sit there and be so cold when I am so vulnerable and need him. He comes from a family where the father was an alcoholic and put his mother through the ringer. When I ask him if this has anything to do with his response to me he says I don't think so. Please help me in understanding my husband. He became this way shortly after we got married so I really didn't know what I was getting into.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-05-2011, 09:08 AM
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Re: advice from men needed

This is heading down a bad path. I suggest going to marriage counseling.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-05-2011, 09:50 AM
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Re: advice from men needed

I agree with bluesky, he has serious issues and you need help learning how to work with him.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-05-2011, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: advice from men needed

We've gone twice before for about three sessions each and I've gone once by myself. Last year after a similar situation I insisted he go by himself. I had come to believe he has an actual diagnosable psychiatric condition --and not just depression. One day he came home from counseling and said "I think I identified something from my past that might make it unfair to you for me to be in a relationship with you, but I'm not ready to talk about it now." I kind of referred to it over the last year,but didn't want to force the issue out of respect. His behavior has been somewhat better since. But after this last fight I told him it was time I knew more and he said he couldn't recall what I was even talking about!!
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