Archana

Hi All,

I am new here. Please help me...

I am not able to understand my husband's behavior. I have been married by 8 months now. Before marriage also his behavior was confusing as he used to be very nice some times and sometimes very disappointed.

After marriage 1 - 2 months he was ok but after wards he started telling he is not happy with me, he doesn’t like to stay with me n all. Then I came to know that this is because of his past affair. He wanted to go back to her. Their relationship was so strong, they were in relationship about 5 years but I don't know why they didn't marry. After he started telling all those like he doesn't like to stay with me blah blah blah, his parents, his cousins n all scolded him. Then he told them that it takes little time for him but he will be proper with me.

After that he started to be bit nice with me and never told any of those things again that he does not like me n all. But he never told me that he loves me. I can say he is not expressive at all. But his actions made me feel that he is trying to forget her and cope up. So I helped him in that without reminding any of the past things that happened between us and showing him my love and care.

But sometimes he is too silent; he does not speak one word also with me by himself some times. In work hours he never calls me or speaks with me. Only after we will be back to home he speaks that too not always, very rarely he speaks. Even though I don't reach by regular time even after half an hour or so he does not call me to ask when will I be back to home? Recently I went to my cousin’s place n I stayed one day there. Next day I asked him "Did you miss me yesterday?", he told straight no. I really felt so sad.

But we are intimate. In time of sex, his actions really make me feel that he loves me. Sometimes he will be so nice, speaking n all.

I am really confused about his behavior, whether he likes me or he is staying with me just because of society. (Why I am getting this doubt is when he told that he doesn’t like me and he is not happy with me, he also told me that he doesn’t want to hurt his parents that’s why he is not able to take any decision)

(But whenever I call him during work hours he responds. He does not know still now that I know about his past affair.)

Thanks in Advance,
Archana.

nice777guy

Hard to say. I think it sounds like he's confused and doesn't know what he really wants.

Is he still seeing this other girl on a regular basis, or did their relationship end?

coops

Really sad to hear this Archana. You have my sympathy here. I definitely can't pretend to have expertise on this one but I'll offer some opinions.

You deserve the best life has to offer and you certainly deserve more than what amounts to "scraps" of "love". In my opinion, this man has done you wrong. He has stolen your opportunity to be with someone that loves and respects you. It was marriage under false pretenses.

Sounds to me like the only question is how soon you'll recognize that. If you were my sister, I'd be recommending divorce. Perhaps going in the direction of a divorce will help him recognize what he is about to lose and snap back into reality. If not, do you really want to live your life like this?

Archana

Thanks a lot for ur replies.


As per my observeation he is not seeing that girl after that. But if they r speaking through online n all that I don't know (first I got to know his password by that only I got to know that he has this affair but fater that I think he got soem doubt n changed his password) but ya I don't think so. Because the days when he used to speak to her he used to be very tense. By seeing him I could make out that he is not speaking with that girl now a days. But never sure.


Ya, speaking about divorce, I really like him. When I agreed for marrige I liked him n then agreed. I really love him so much but I don't know whether he is undrestanding that. I show my love to him through many actions. But I doubt whetehr he is realizing that or he is thiking like it is common. It is really hard for me to go for divorce.

One thing I want to know is even he must be feeling that some thing is wrong right, if still he wants go back to her he has to tell me then only I can take some decision but he is not talking about any thing. Is he trying to forget her? Does he need time?

zohaib

hey Archana.

This is bcoz he had affair with another girl and as u told that he still likes her.
this is just coz of it.
might b u r unable to satisfy him.
or might be u r not giving that much of love that she were giving him..
try to attract him toward u...
he said right thing that it wil take some time and then he will be Ok with u.
but the main thing is that u must show ur love to the most...

alphaomega

Hi Archana,

I agree with coops here. I would feel terrible waiting on someone deciding whom they want to be with....I would always feel like second choice. He married you, so you should feel like first choice and never have to have these thoughts.
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Archana

Hi Zohaib,

Ya even I thought first that I may not be giving him that much love and care tahts why still he remembers her. But I always show him my love by making things for him and telling him taht I miss him even for 1 day if we are apart. And u know I never get reply for those when ever I tell him I miss him or I love him.

As u said I might not be like her, thats wat every person is different, he can't expect me to be like her right. But as per me I always take care to renew my relationship through many ways. And I read so many articles in the internet so I may get some things which I am missng out. One big thing is I never get proper response from him for the things I do. So I feel frustrated like why should I do all these things for him as I don't know whether he atleast realizes or not. But I never showed him my frustration, if I want to tell him some thing I always told him in proper manner so that it shouldn't hurt him.

But yes I am stil trying to show him my love so that he may realize that I love him so much and be proper with me.

Atleast once if I get to hear from him that he loves me and wants to stay with me, that is enough for me.

Archana

Guys, what do you say?

Night Owl

Hi Archana

I'm sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right things and showing him affection and caring, even without showing your frustration. However, he has not done anything positive in response to what you're doing.

I would never do this to my wife and if I did it would show total disregard for our relationship. In this case you should think about how long you can stand this situation. You deserve to have a husband who is a true partner.

Think about it.

eowyn

Archana, I would advice you not to overdo showing the love etc for him.. not that I suggest you should develop negative feeling towards him, especially if he is trying to forget the other girl. But as other people mention.. what he did was not fair to you in the first place. He needs to know that you are not to be "taken for granted". Just make sure you don't try to "please him" so much that he starts seeing you as a doormat.