My W has organized a major event at work. It started today. There were some unforeseeable hiccups yesterday. She came home tense and edgy last night. She was a little cranky about the kitchen not being very clean.
I apologized - she was right - it was my job to take care of it. She stayed cranky and then got in bed. She apologized for not being in the mood - and in general for being a "downer". She got:
- Warmth
- Comfort
- Love
- Encouragement and support
Tonight she came home - said she really missed me today. She looked really tired though so I figured this would be a "giver" night. She asked what kind of "night" I wanted. Snuggle and tv I replied. But it has been a few days she said. I just told her that with the event and the stress and fatique she needed a long back scratch/massage and an hour watching the biggest loser. And being spooned. And she repeated how happy she was to be with me. And she apologized for being a "worthless wife". I just told her that was the silliest thing ever - she is a great wife.
She just fell asleep happy and relaxed.
Sure I felt desire - a little bit of lust. But far stronger desire to be a great partner.
Tonight I made love to my W in a totally non-sexual way. Great bonding experience. We have lots of nights like these. She is not teasing me. She is just legitimately tired.
Once you "fully" man up:
- Sex becomes something you do WITH your W, not TO your W
- You realize there are many ways to make love to a womans heart without engaging in standard sexual activities
I love my W and am proud of her. We will work the show together tomorrow.
I can read the happy vibe in your post...I read it closely, and can honestly say that if I came home exhausted, stressed and maybe even cranky because of something at work, my H would do whatever he could to make my life easier.
He'd have dinner ready if I was too busy.
He'd clean the kitchen.
He'd watch whatever I want on tv and spoon.
He may not sustain a back rub for a long time, but maybe someday.
He may not come up with the most encouraging words I need to hear, but maybe he'd try.
He wouldn't want sex if I was too tired, and wouldn't make me feel guilty for depriving him (us).
And like you, he would be the first person there to help me with whatever event or project I was doing the next day.
In many ways, he is a solid man for me and I try to be solid and considerate of him too, like yiur wife was with you.
My intention wasn't to hijack; your post just made me think. Posted via Mobile Device
Another thing...
If your wife hung her every happiness and existence on you, it might be harder for you to be supportive.
You might be less proud of her.
My point is:
my H is proud of me and supportive of me when I get out there and do my thing, not when I revolve my life around him and hang all over him for approval.
That's part of my "manning up."
when I have my own life, he's more inspired to "man up" in the supportive way you describe.
He sees something worthy of supporting, if that makes sense.
there are two sides to it...
In a way, the wife who nags, fitness tests, yells, controls, and whines incessantly needs to do her own "manning up."
btw, I hope you see that this is in no way meant to be personally about you and your wife.
I hope it didn't come across that way.
I'm applying the ideas to my own life. Posted via Mobile Device
I can read the happy vibe in your post...I read it closely, and can honestly say that if I came home exhausted, stressed and maybe even cranky because of something at work, my H would do whatever he could to make my life easier.
He'd have dinner ready if I was too busy.
He'd clean the kitchen.
He'd watch whatever I want on tv and spoon.
He may not sustain a back rub for a long time, but maybe someday.
He may not come up with the most encouraging words I need to hear, but maybe he'd try.
He wouldn't want sex if I was too tired, and wouldn't make me feel guilty for depriving him (us).
And like you, he would be the first person there to help me with whatever event or project I was doing the next day.
In many ways, he is a solid man for me and I try to be solid and considerate of him too, like yiur wife was with you.
My intention wasn't to hijack; your post just made me think. Posted via Mobile Device
This is an excellent post. You are becoming more self aware as time passes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra
Another thing...
If your wife hung her every happiness and existence on you, it might be harder for you to be supportive.
You might be less proud of her.
My point is:
my H is proud of me and supportive of me when I get out there and do my thing, not when I revolve my life around him and hang all over him for approval.
That's part of my "manning up."
when I have my own life, he's more inspired to "man up" in the supportive way you describe.
He sees something worthy of supporting, if that makes sense.
there are two sides to it...
In a way, the wife who nags, fitness tests, yells, controls, and whines incessantly needs to do her own "manning up."
btw, I hope you see that this is in no way meant to be personally about you and your wife.
I hope it didn't come across that way.
I'm applying the ideas to my own life. Posted via Mobile Device
This is an excellent post. You are becoming more self aware as time passes.
Thanks...I feel like we're heading toward a more comfortable and honest place, but we both know we could easily derail any moment.
We had an amazing weekend...
A couple times I got on his case in that special way that he hates, and he looked at me and said with a smile, "ok honey. You're lecturing."
He was right, I was. So I backed off and dropped it.
And it doee build attraction when he calls me out in a way that's both calm and certain, instead of reacting.
(not that I was testing; I was just being a PITA.)
He had a moment when he was being a little controlling about something small, and I said calmly "look, the more you push me about this, the longer it's going to take for me to xyz. I'm more likely to do that if you leave me alone about it." and he did.
We both noticed we had certain little victories, and we celebrated in a small way.
It feels...like things...are gradually...opening up. Posted via Mobile Device
Creda,
At this pace you will get in one year - to the place that took us almost 20 years to reach. Your posts are uplifting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra
Thanks...I feel like we're heading toward a more comfortable and honest place, but we both know we could easily derail any moment.
We had an amazing weekend...
A couple times I got on his case in that special way that he hates, and he looked at me and said with a smile, "ok honey. You're lecturing."
He was right, I was. So I backed off and dropped it.
And it doee build attraction when he calls me out in a way that's both calm and certain, instead of reacting.
(not that I was testing; I was just being a PITA.)
He had a moment when he was being a little controlling about something small, and I said calmly "look, the more you push me about this, the longer it's going to take for me to xyz. I'm more likely to do that if you leave me alone about it." and he did.
We both noticed we had certain little victories, and we celebrated in a small way.
It feels...like things...are gradually...opening up. Posted via Mobile Device
I’m back in England staying with my elder son and his partner for a while. My son was in a previous relationship for 5 years and married for three of them. He seems to have learnt so much from his marriage. Basically he doesn’t take “things” so personally anymore. When his partner performs little fitness tests he just makes fun of them whereas before he would have got annoyed and angry.
There is so little “controlling” in their relationship. They very much enjoy their time together while at the same time they both go off and do their own things, weekends away with friends and sometimes a week away from one another doing what they want to do as individuals. It’s all pure joy for me to see.
The best phrase in this thread was in the first post -
'make love to a woman's heart'
If (mine) more men perhaps took that idea and ran with it as well as the physical (possibly as a precursor to) I reckon there might be more happier relationships
My W has organized a major event at work. It started today. There were some unforeseeable hiccups yesterday. She came home tense and edgy last night. She was a little cranky about the kitchen not being very clean.
I apologized - she was right - it was my job to take care of it. She stayed cranky and then got in bed. She apologized for not being in the mood - and in general for being a "downer". She got:
- Warmth
- Comfort
- Love
- Encouragement and support
Tonight she came home - said she really missed me today. She looked really tired though so I figured this would be a "giver" night. She asked what kind of "night" I wanted. Snuggle and tv I replied. But it has been a few days she said. I just told her that with the event and the stress and fatique she needed a long back scratch/massage and an hour watching the biggest loser. And being spooned. And she repeated how happy she was to be with me. And she apologized for being a "worthless wife". I just told her that was the silliest thing ever - she is a great wife.
She just fell asleep happy and relaxed.
Sure I felt desire - a little bit of lust. But far stronger desire to be a great partner.
Tonight I made love to my W in a totally non-sexual way. Great bonding experience. We have lots of nights like these. She is not teasing me. She is just legitimately tired.
Once you "fully" man up:
- Sex becomes something you do WITH your W, not TO your W
- You realize there are many ways to make love to a womans heart without engaging in standard sexual activities
I love my W and am proud of her. We will work the show together tomorrow.
That's sounds very nice and something i would be willing to do...but how do you deal with a wife that doesn't really said much to you about anything...is more less a person who enjoys silence....
Marco,
How does she act with her friends and family? Is she silent with them as well?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopoly69
That's sounds very nice and something i would be willing to do...but how do you deal with a wife that doesn't really said much to you about anything...is more less a person who enjoys silence....
Manning Up 
