Re: EA already moving towards PA!
Ok. I don't get this entire situation. Or maybe I do....soooooooo confused.
Your wife tells you the OM doesn't know about her feelings and it's just a crush. But she wants to meet him to tell her about her feelings? So.....basically she's telling you that before she decides what to do with YOU, she wants to find out what he feels about HER? Friend! Can you not see how wrong this is on so many levels?
You can justify this in your mind all you want about how it's ok, it's just talk. BUT, it's NOT ok! Your the second choice! She's telling you with her actions that you are the second choice if there is nothing better out there for her! And not just you! If I'm correct, you have children, right? It seems she is not even thinking about them either.
MNG. I realize in your mind there is much to lose. If you give an ultimatum, you may lose your wife. What you don't realize is that you already lost her! She's not with you emotionally in your marriage right now, and you are the doormat. This is the irony that you haven't yet realized in your mind right now, which is causing you to still be the nice guy you were making soooooooo much great progress in eliminating.
Well, no one can make you give an ultimatum if your mentally not ready. I was at the same place you are right now during my wifes EA. I was too scared to kick her a$$ to the curb, and justified any excuse she gave me as a valid legitimate reason, even though it tore me up inside. But I didn't realize that I already lost the game anyways. You know what my breaking point was? Even after all her excuses about being just friends, it's not really an affair because it wasn't physical, she deserved the EA because she didn't feel close to me anymore, etc, etc,etc. It was reading a text to her EA 'boyfriend' about how her heart was always with him, during the entire 15 years of our relationship. Wow! Rrrrrriiiiiiiip! Hear that? That was the sound of my heart getting gouged out of my chest. Right then and there, I fell completely out of love with my wife. The next day, I told her that our marriage was over. Time to find an apartment, dear!
So...what the he'll was the point of that story? Well, nothing really. Just using literary freedom to say that at some point you will get to that point too. In all honesty, I hope you don't have to, but in the end, if you do, you'll just know when it's time. In the meantime, don't let yourself get walked all over in the chance that you think if you are just a little more understanding and patient, everything will work out. You still have your self respect to nurture. Don't forget that.
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