Agreed. If this is not a 2 way shutdown she is going to be able to play the game of "I told him not to call me - it isn't my fault he keeps calling".
The reason I think the threat of disclosure is best is simply that the OM "may" back down from that. And backing down includes not whining to MNNNNNNNGs wife. If he does back down - it ends. Worst case he doesn't. And THEN you disclose.
I've got bigger problems than the OM. The therapist kicked me out and I'm inthe waiting room. He's trying to talk her down after she decided to start talking about walking out of the marriage right now. He said he hadn't heard that from her before and now they are talking alone. At this point the OM is nothing if she walks out today... Posted via Mobile Device
Now let us help you. She is not walking away from you. She is walking towards him. I would blow him up right now. Right now I would call his W. Keep it short and sweet - offer her the emails if she wants them.
And then I would stay calm and constructive with your W. She is trying SO hard to have it both ways. You as plan B, and him as plan A. Once his wife plugs in he will have an interesting situation on his hands.
There are no guarantees here. She and he might leave you and his wife for each other. But that outcome is fairly rare. Stay calm and firm and tell her she needs to choose. This is an incredibly rare opportunity to show strength and courage. Use it.
Affaircare has THE BEST posts on specifically what to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterNiceGuy
I've got bigger problems than the OM. The therapist kicked me out and I'm inthe waiting room. He's trying to talk her down after she decided to start talking about walking out of the marriage right now. He said he hadn't heard that from her before and now they are talking alone. At this point the OM is nothing if she walks out today... Posted via Mobile Device
And after you blow the OM up. Do NOT apologize to anyone. Just stick to "honest and transparency are the bedrock of a healthy marriage". I simply told his W the truth - thats all. And I would do it again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM11363
Now let us help you. She is not walking away from you. She is walking towards him. I would blow him up right now. Right now I would call his W. Keep it short and sweet - offer her the emails if she wants them.
And then I would stay calm and constructive with your W. She is trying SO hard to have it both ways. You as plan B, and him as plan A. Once his wife plugs in he will have an interesting situation on his hands.
There are no guarantees here. She and he might leave you and his wife for each other. But that outcome is fairly rare. Stay calm and firm and tell her she needs to choose. This is an incredibly rare opportunity to show strength and courage. Use it.
Affaircare has THE BEST posts on specifically what to do.
I've got bigger problems than the OM. The therapist kicked me out and I'm inthe waiting room. He's trying to talk her down after she decided to start talking about walking out of the marriage right now. He said he hadn't heard that from her before and now they are talking alone. At this point the OM is nothing if she walks out today... Posted via Mobile Device
You aren't taking any action, so you are losing her to him.
__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
Ok. If I was your best friend, I would kick you in the nuts right now! No offence. And only because I care. But you NEED to listen to the advice here!
She's using the walkout threat to put you in a lesser power position, to make U back down. Don't give her that power!
Tell her straight out..'Well, ok, if that's what u want. Your free to go.'. Then watch her backpedal her stance.
Yes...I agree. Time to let the guns sound on this one. Expose!
Be the strongest man u can be...and don't take crap! Posted via Mobile Device
I've got bigger problems than the OM. The therapist kicked me out and I'm inthe waiting room. He's trying to talk her down after she decided to start talking about walking out of the marriage right now. He said he hadn't heard that from her before and now they are talking alone. At this point the OM is nothing if she walks out today... Posted via Mobile Device
As a woman, I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is garbage. She said she felt no connection with you. As much as it hurts, believe her. What she said is woman language for 'you are like furniture to me'. This is harsh but you need to hear it. There is nothing you can do to make her feel connected to you. She will always be looking for someone else. Leave so you can find true love. She's not it.
Ooogles,
This is not constructive. His W hasn't cheated yet. She is in the fog. That doesn't make her disposable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ooogles
As a woman, I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is garbage. She said she felt no connection with you. As much as it hurts, believe her. What she said is woman language for 'you are like furniture to me'. This is harsh but you need to hear it. There is nothing you can do to make her feel connected to you. She will always be looking for someone else. Leave so you can find true love. She's not it.
So stay with her because she hasn't cheated yet? And then what after 'the fog'? She'll be his happily ever after? I promise you, she's going to follow her passions and leave. What I've said is most constructive. He's chasing his tail with her.
My friend,you apparently are going down here because you wont take off the rose colored glasses. My opinion is you take the attitude that if you're gonna go down then so is the other guy. I'd spill the beans to his wife if i were you and then make plans to be single again soon. Hey,if youre marriage works out while ur waiting for your divorce to go through,then fine,but if not,then at least you went out in a blaze of glory and took him down with you. Do you really want to make her and your marriage a priority when she only makes you an option?? You're *****footin around and just giving her more time to plan her escape. I'd pack her **** and toss her a$$ out,like PRONTO. If she wants to go to counseling then she can do it from a different address. You're letting her have her cake and eat it too and you'll be the one who loses,trust me.
Incidently, the counselor has moved you further away from her unwittingly. Letting yourself be kicked out of the counseling session was a display of weakness, you should have said something in that session about the other man. Right now the counselor doesn't know about him, so she'd inadvertantly supported your wife's position that you are the one that is screwing up the relationship and that she is the one that is deciding whether or not you should be allowed to stay in the marriage.
So you're paying money to have someone help end your marriage.
Expose to the other man's wife right now and kick your wife out of the house. Let the counselor know the situation.
__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
There will be PLENTY of time for this kind of thinking and acting if this goes the wrong way.
I agree to Conrad disagreeing. MNG is going after what he wants. He just has to be strong and not take crap and buy into her manipulations. MNG, time for some manly war my friend! Posted via Mobile Device
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