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Old 02-20-2011, 11:31 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Updates... W had a major meltdown last night and said she wanted to separate. She was ready to move out, but the only problem is that we don't have enough money for her to move anywhere so she said she'd sleep in her office downstairs for a while. Guess what, this morning she didn't like that and wants to move back upstairs!

I have my finger on the trigger for the nuclear option. I'm ready to expose this whole thing to the other man's wife, the funny thing is that monitoring their emails the had a break up three days ago and haven't communicated since (as far as I can tell). He's concerned it's getting too hot and she wants her space from him! Go figure!

While I wouldn't say she is engaged, she is pleasant to be around today and pretty chatty, if sleepy from sleeping on her couch downstairs! Ha!

Counselor knew about affair for maybe a month or so before she told me about it. It was so stupid of me last week when she told me to just roll over and not do anything because she really tried to escalate it with the OM right after she talked to me. Telling me must've given her approval to move forward with a bigger affair.

I have a meeting with counselor on Tuesday and I am going to ask him point blank how he is going to help me end this affair. If I don't get an adequate response from him, I'm going straight to this guys wife... I'm really done with this now. It's really gotten stupid. I have a business, kids and house that really don't need this BS going on. Thanks for all your help. I take everything you all say seriously but need to weigh my options before I pull the trigger... (I know, I know I should've done it last week but really does another day or two hurt?)
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:37 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

If you don't feel hurt, then prolong another week or two is no big deal, and it gives you more time to think.

When we do something, we have to be careful and do more thinking. Being impulsive is never good.

She has to make sure what she really wants, stay with you and work out your relationship; or walk out and start another one.

But she'd better make sure she still has these options.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:08 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Oh... I'm so dumb... I just read through some emails they sent each other last night. They want to take it "slow" and go on some "dates" to see if they are a right match for each other! WTF? Ok this thing is getting blown up tomorrow... Calling the OMW and blowing the hell out of this thing... argh... Thankfully, I think I'm really catching this thing in the beginning.

What is the best way to contact her? I'm afraid he is monitoring her email. I am the OMW's friend on Facebook. I do have her cell number. Should I call her and meet her somewhere or is just good enough to pull the trigger over the phone?

Someone said this is called "cake eating", living at home with your kids and husband and then also having a boyfriend on the side seeing if that works out better.. it's a classic affair...
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:27 AM   #79 (permalink)
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Oh... I'm so dumb... I just read through some emails they sent each other last night. They want to take it "slow" and go on some "dates" to see if they are a right match for each other! WTF? Ok this thing is getting blown up tomorrow... Calling the OMW and blowing the hell out of this thing... argh... Thankfully, I think I'm really catching this thing in the beginning.

What is the best way to contact her? I'm afraid he is monitoring her email. I am the OMW's friend on Facebook. I do have her cell number. Should I call her and meet her somewhere or is just good enough to pull the trigger over the phone?

Someone said this is called "cake eating", living at home with your kids and husband and then also having a boyfriend on the side seeing if that works out better.. it's a classic affair...
MNG,

I am truly sorry this is happening. But, it's clear you've now had enough of this Mickey Mouse to take some action.

That's a good thing.

A phone call is more than sufficient.

Just give her a call first thing this morning. If she doesn't answer, just leave a short message asking her to call you.

Nothing dramatic.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:38 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Conrad, is it sufficient to tell just the OMW. On some other websites, they suggest to tell all family members and friends to have maximum impact. I'm pretty sure if I tell the OMW, this will all go away pretty quickly... Unless his wife doesn't care (not likely)...
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:44 AM   #81 (permalink)
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Conrad, is it sufficient to tell just the OMW. On some other websites, they suggest to tell all family members and friends to have maximum impact. I'm pretty sure if I tell the OMW, this will all go away pretty quickly... Unless his wife doesn't care (not likely)...
Depends on what you want.

You have to feel very hurt and betrayed by this.

What's necessary is to put a stop to this right now.

This phone call will do it.

You can then gauge your wife's reaction. If additional steps are necessary, you can take them at that time.

However, after you call her. I'd call him. You can then have that conversation MEM outlined. And don't tell him you've spoken to his wife.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:49 AM   #82 (permalink)
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Do I tell my wife what I did? Or just let things unravel?

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Depends on what you want.

You have to feel very hurt and betrayed by this.

What's necessary is to put a stop to this right now.

This phone call will do it.

You can then gauge your wife's reaction. If additional steps are necessary, you can take them at that time.

However, after you call her. I'd call him. You can then have that conversation MEM outlined. And don't tell him you've spoken to his wife.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:51 AM   #83 (permalink)
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Do I tell my wife what I did? Or just let things unravel?


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Let them unravel.

She'll come to you.

You will stay cool, calm, and in control.

Alpha dog.
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Old 02-21-2011, 08:21 AM   #84 (permalink)
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Got a couple more hours of needed sleep and I'm feel pretty confident now. I know how this is going to go down.

I call OMW and tell her. She may or may not have a clue, but probably will not be happy.

She confronts OM

OM (who is a complete beta, ***** whipped non integrated male) will somehow contact my wife

Wife comes to me furious that I blew this open

Wife probably moves out for a few days. May or may not come back.

I'm not sure how much is left to save of our marriage. She has always left a door open in our conversations. Just two days ago when she want a separation (after talking to a friend about the affair who gave her approval basically) and even in the heat of all that "I want to move out, there is nothing here, I don't trust you anymore" stuff she STILL said that she didn't want a divorce right away and that a six month separation was best and we'll see at the end of that time. She has waffled so much in the last month, from almost having sex, to wanting to walk out that I can only believe she is not thinking clearly and is the FOG. Just yesterday morning she backpedaled a bit on the separation saying that she is not out of this marriage yet and wanted me to step up and be the rock and centered. Well this is the first step in that process!

I guess my question right now is that I'm pretty sure how this is going to go down today. I will be the Alpha Dog and The Rock. How long does it take the wife to come out of the FOG usually? When she does, what can I expect?
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Old 02-21-2011, 08:29 AM   #85 (permalink)
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Wife comes to me furious that I blew this open

Wife probably moves out for a few days. May or may not come back.
I might be wrong, but blowing this up should kill the separation idea. If it goes according to plan, there will no longer be another guy to support her (emotionally) if she leaves.

If you blow it up, its no longer "cake eating" for her. She'll have some tough choices to make and will no longer have that "affair high."

You also asked how long will it take her to come out of the fog. To be honest, not everyone comes out soon enough to save the marriage. Doing these things gives you the "best chance" for things to work out - but there are NO guarantees.
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Old 02-21-2011, 09:59 AM   #86 (permalink)
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MNG,

From the sounds of it, she's been playing you. I'm "almost ready" to have sex (with HIM!).

What you will do today is show her your masculine mettle. She's completely disrespecting it.

You're going to blow her up to the OM and his wife. You have NOT blown her up to "everyone that's important to her". It's actually vital she realize you don't wish to hurt her - you just wish to stand up for yourself.

However, if she wishes to continue to hurt you, you have plenty of disclosures you can/will make. So, if she wants out, make sure she knows what that means.

You will be "covering" for her with no one.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:37 PM   #87 (permalink)
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I did it. The OMW seemed skeptical. She said she needed a day or two to process and will bring it with the OM and get back to me. There is no direct evidence of sex but at the least the OMW will put a stop to it. I feel relief but it may take a day or two fully make it back to my wife.I sent the last few emails and I hope that does it.

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MNG,

From the sounds of it, she's been playing you. I'm "almost ready" to have sex (with HIM!).

What you will do today is show her your masculine mettle. She's completely disrespecting it.

You're going to blow her up to the OM and his wife. You have NOT blown her up to "everyone that's important to her". It's actually vital she realize you don't wish to hurt her - you just wish to stand up for yourself.

However, if she wishes to continue to hurt you, you have plenty of disclosures you can/will make. So, if she wants out, make sure she knows what that means.

You will be "covering" for her with no one.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:48 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

Or they will try to paint you as paranoid and controlling, to make it about you and deflect. Regardless of whether she believes you, she will be paying more attention to her husband's behavior.

Hope you have printed off a number of those mails.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:53 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Or they will try to paint you as paranoid and controlling, to make it about you and deflect. Regardless of whether she believes you, she will be paying more attention to her husband's behavior.

Hope you have printed off a number of those mails.
Hope you sent her the emails!!!!!!
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:57 PM   #90 (permalink)
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I did it. The OMW seemed skeptical. She said she needed a day or two to process and will bring it with the OM and get back to me. There is no direct evidence of sex but at the least the OMW will put a stop to it. I feel relief but it may take a day or two fully make it back to my wife.I sent the last few emails and I hope that does it.


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You ready to call him now?
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