IanIronwood

Just caught up with the posts. You might want to sneak back into her mail account one last time and have any future emails from him or to him get automatically forwarded to a dummy account that you can check from time to time.

And if you really want to pee in her cornflakes, then have all his future emails go directly to trash.

Good luck, man. Don't back down. If she loves you, she needs to fight for you. If she doesn't love you . . . make it hurt.

IanIronwood

Oh, and in my part of the world the next time he contacts her, he would get a righteous @$$ kicking. But I live in the civilized South. Your mileage and local customs may vary.

Powerbane

You may even want to consider a fuller and wider exposure to your wifes family and your family and close friends.

Why? Because the more people that know the more pressure will be put on the affair to break.

Good luck and remember you have a support net here and other sites.
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MisterNiceGuy

Wife just called and said it's over. She couldn't trust me ever now. She is moving out by the end of the week.

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IanIronwood

I'd let it fester a little at the level you've set it. It's possible this will be enough of a wake-up call for her to get introspective about your relationship, and may even come to a reconciliation. Widening the exposure at this point isn't putting on pressure, it's piling on and making a chaotic situation that much crazier, and that could spiral out of control very quickly. Remember, you can't un-tell someone about it. Be wise. Be firm. Be strong.

eagleclaw

That's expected. And interesting..... SHE can't TRUST YOU now........ I hope you see the irony in that. Hold fast. She will get angry and direct all her frustration at you for now. Only once she see's your resolve, your strength, and what she stands to lose do you have a chance. I would also put the onus on her that it's SHE who needs to earn YOUR trust. She isn't holding all the cards anymore and if she get her head staight, and wants to reconcile - then she has some work to do. Balls in her court so to speak.

IanIronwood

Dude, I'm so sorry.

Withdraw every dime in your account in cash, now. You won't get a second chance. Then pack her stuff and leave it on the porch outside. Get the locks changed.

And when it comes to trust, it's pretty obvious that she's the one who blew that when she started flirting with this other guy. When she did that, she pretty much killed the trust issue for both of you. "I can't trust you anymore" is what guilty people say to assuage their own conscience. You should laugh bitterly in her face.

I know you're going to feel some serious pain about this, but don't back down. Either she's going to come to her senses and try to reconcile soon -- and I'm not telling you not to listen -- or she's going to stick with her decision. But if you apologize for what you've done or otherwise give ground right now, then no matter how nice she plays you're gonna lose. Embrace the pain and allow it to turn into righteous fury. Use that. But be calm, at all times. Be angry, but don't let the anger control you. Steely pride and cool sense of purpose. Your highest priority now is to take care of the children she's abandoning. Focus on that, and let the rest of it handle itself.

Good luck. And may the force be with you.

Conrad

"She couldn't trust you" - ever. That's really rich.

Wait until she moves out. Then you can tell everyone.

In the meantime, stay the course.

This is the testing time. Totally calm and cool.

Conrad

Mr. Nice Guy,

In all seriousness, my wife and I have been through PLENTY. Both have said many things we wish we'd never said.

There have been promises to move out. There have been threats. There has been allegations that we'd never believe in the other one again - ever.

We're happier now than 2 people have any right to be.

You did the only thing you could reasonably do. One could argue you should have just dealt directly with him, but he sounds like the kind of ferret that would want to get her mad enough to move out anyway.

So, don't second guess yourself. Think about how you'd have felt if she'd have gone through with a physical affair (WHICH SHE WAS PLANNING TO DO) and you'd have stood idly by and done nothing.

This was a shot across the bow and the only road to set things right.

Powerbane

You're fighting for your marriage. Just reiterate that. You've done nothing except to call attention to the affair. If it's so great then why not tell the world.

You see - affairs thrive in secrecy. You blew the doors right off of it.

My bet is that she changes her mind when the reality that the fantasy is broken.

Pack her stuff, leave it at the door and change the locks.

She will come around.
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eagleclaw

within a month I would bet..........

IanIronwood

I give it until Friday, or so, after a few days of not returning calls or emails and making her stay somewhere else. Freeze her @$$ off for a while. Call the counselor and cancel your sessions (she doesn't want to be married any more) to put additional pressure on her. (While your at it, thank that counselor for hastening the end of your marriage by not killing the EA idea in sessions. Helpful, that.) I'd wait until the weekend to notify friends and family, just to see how things shake out.

But when she inevitably wants to talk, and she will, then maintain your fury and your position and don't back down. Hold her to account. I'd need to see a major act of contrition on her part just to get me to the table. She may come to the conclusion that a) she doesn't really want to end the marriage b)she wants to "work things out" c) she wants to stay in it for the kids and d) she was really angry at the time and didn't mean what she said.

Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Actions speak louder than words. If there is a trust issue here, it's on her, not you.

And if she doesn't want to work it out . . . start calling old girlfriends and all those women who flirted with you but didn't take it too far because you were married.

'Cause, at the moment, you ain't.

Powerbane

And with those emails - you know the OM is having fun getting a beatdown from his wife!

Do your kids know?
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MisterNiceGuy

I know he is he just emailed me saying he wished I hadn't told his wife!

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WhereAmI

He should be wishing he never got involved with your wife. Pure craziness.