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Old 02-21-2011, 03:56 PM   #121 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

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I know he is he just emailed me saying he wished I hadn't told his wife!


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You should reply that you wished he hadn't ended your relationship with yours. Maybe if he hadn't been trying to seduce her, his life wouldn't be so uncomfortable right now. Life is hard. Sucks to be you. Hope you know a good attorney, *******. You made the bed, now lie in it.

That's all the response he should get, unless you want to pump him for information. For example, ask him whether he used a condom when he did your wife. That will hurt to write, and I'm sure he'll deny it, but if HIS wife goes through his mail (and she's likely to) then that will be tough to explain.

Stay strong, man.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:15 PM   #122 (permalink)
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I know he is he just emailed me saying he wished I hadn't told his wife!


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You absolutely nuked both of them.

They really did not think you had it in you.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:29 PM   #123 (permalink)
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wife just called and wants to move out right away and split everything up. Unfortunately there isn't enough money between for her to do that. She is waiting at the house now. I'm tired of being pushed around.

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You absolutely nuked both of them.

They really did not think you had it in you.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:32 PM   #124 (permalink)
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Hold your ground and stay calm.

Is there a witness that can go with you?

And if anyone goes it's her! You and the kids stay put.

You should ask her if she is angry because she cheated and got exposed or if she is angry for you standing up for your marriage.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:47 PM   #125 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

Hope you are holding up ok.

Less said at this point the better.

Be advised that this will be yet another spine check. Don't sweat it.

Grenade has gone off. Expected fallout is occurring.

It ain't over til it's over ... and you have as much a say about that as she does.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:48 PM   #126 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

She left you no choice.

There is no way she would have accepted that behavior from you.

The fog will now lift and you will learn where you're at.

There's likely a chance at getting her back - if you actually want her back.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:49 PM   #127 (permalink)
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Just had a quick talk with her. She says it's done. She moving out when she gets a job... which could be weeks. We are going to maintain the relationship we've had for the past couple of weeks where we are sleeping in separate beds. She said she wished I had come to her first, but the damage is done. She never loved me (really?) and she is canceling the therapy sessions. She was very calm about it all... I just said that she is welcome her and I love her and I will never deny the kids from her very calmly...
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:59 PM   #128 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

This is what I hear:

Damn, I'm mad that you caught me.

I had this web of deceit worked out where I could test the waters with my buddy while economically secure (from the sweat off your brow)

Now I'm going to have to get a job!

Now, I'm going to have to see what sort of lifestyle I can carve out for myself.

I "know" I don't want you - and I "never really loved you" (or how else could I justify the hideous things I've just done)

And DAMN YOU - how do you dare call me on this!

MNG - these are the seeds of respect going forward.

1) The beginning of her realizing what the economic security she took for granted means

2) Missing her kids - as she moves out

3) No more other man - as he'll tuck tail - FOR SURE (that's why she's so mad)

You see what we're driving at here.

This is not over - if you don't wish for it to be over.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:00 PM   #129 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Just had a quick talk with her. She says it's done. She moving out when she gets a job... which could be weeks. We are going to maintain the relationship we've had for the past couple of weeks where we are sleeping in separate beds. She said she wished I had come to her first, but the damage is done. She never loved me (really?) and she is canceling the therapy sessions. She was very calm about it all... I just said that she is welcome her and I love her and I will never deny the kids from her very calmly...
From what I've read, you DID go to her first. She kept circling back around to him. I hope you told her that.

And, if she's done, she's done. You are not running a DS hostel. She can stay with friends or family until she can afford someplace on her own. Rest assured, if your roles were reversed, she wouldn't tolerate your presence under the same roof.

There may still be a chance to salvage the marriage...if both of you want to. At this point, the ball's in her court, and time to put up or shut up.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:00 PM   #130 (permalink)
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One more thing.

Stop telling her you love her.

Think about what it means right now.

It's a "reward" for what she's done.

It spells d-o-o-r-m-a-t.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:01 PM   #131 (permalink)
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Default Re: EA already moving towards PA!

I was assuming that the point of blowing this up was to save your marriage...is that correct?

If you want to save your marriage then - as Deejo said - the less said, the better.

And her saying its "over" could mean she's truly thought things through - or she's just really pi$$ed and wanting to hurt you. Its not "over" until divorce papers have been signed.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:07 PM   #132 (permalink)
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I did go to her first. I brought it up in therapy last week that I can't move forward with this R unless she stops seeing him and then they exchanged a series of emails ramping it up of all things.

We really don't have money, friends or family in the area that she can stay with. She is very calm right now. I only said ILY once... but she knows how pissed I am... She said she wants to keep it calm and orderly... Do I really have to add insult to injury and kick her out?

I'm going to avoid her for as long as it takes... could be days or weeks, but I'm going to do my own thing for a while...
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:10 PM   #133 (permalink)
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Oh by the way, she did just admit that her best friend knew all about it too... women are so devious! OMW, my wife and the best friend are all very close yet my wife and her best friend could sneak around talking about it behind the back of the OMW they all hang out with... the web of lies never ends!
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:12 PM   #134 (permalink)
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MisterNiceGuy NO MORE!

You stood up for your nuts! That's awesome. Actually, thus is playing out just like It did for my wifes EA after I kicked her out. I got the " I can't trust you" anymore excuse also, plus a million other words of hate. I just stayed calm, and kept saying..." are you packed yet?". Then, I went out a lot with my friends, my kids, anything to show her I was moving on and didn't need her to make me happy.

After to months of showing her I was moving on, she came back. Your wife may too, as long as you keep strong and calm!
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:13 PM   #135 (permalink)
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This is exactly how it feels... Her reaction is more like DAMN you really nailed me on this! How dare you! I think the respect meter just moved off of zero for the first time in years...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
This is what I hear:

Damn, I'm mad that you caught me.

I had this web of deceit worked out where I could test the waters with my buddy while economically secure (from the sweat off your brow)

Now I'm going to have to get a job!

Now, I'm going to have to see what sort of lifestyle I can carve out for myself.

I "know" I don't want you - and I "never really loved you" (or how else could I justify the hideous things I've just done)

And DAMN YOU - how do you dare call me on this!

MNG - these are the seeds of respect going forward.

1) The beginning of her realizing what the economic security she took for granted means

2) Missing her kids - as she moves out

3) No more other man - as he'll tuck tail - FOR SURE (that's why she's so mad)

You see what we're driving at here.

This is not over - if you don't wish for it to be over.
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