Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-17-2011, 04:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4
Default Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Hey guys! I talked with my girlfriends about this issue i have with my husband but now i want a male opinion about it

Ill give yall a little information about us

Married for a year now and everything is great besides our sex life. I love having sex and im an attractive 24 year old woman and my husband is 30.
My husband is in the army so of course we dont really have a lot of time to have sex like other couples. Its a really stressfull job so i understand that he wants to rest after a long day.
We used to have sex 3 times a week which was fine with me ( eventhough i wanted more lol )

Since a few month now he seems not to be interested in it as much as he used to, we still sometimes have sex once a week but lately its more like every 2 weeks and every time i initiate it he turns me down saying he is to tired BUT he watches porn every time he gets the chance and gets off to it too (sorry for my language)

So how can he turn me down saying hes to tired but then watches porn til 1 am in the morning knowing he has to get up early??

I never had a problem with porn but once he puts me out the picture and prefers watching it more than have sex with me im not okay with it

any thoughts or opinions would be really much appreciated !!!
_Sugah_ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-17-2011, 10:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

This subject has been approached A LOT here on TAM.

Go to Sex In Marriage and read a few of the threads. Some of mine address this EXACT issue - I can't figure it out and have given up trying.

If you find something that works, let me and the rest of us in your situation know.

Just know this - you are definitely NOT ALONE here with this issue - it's more prelevant than you think.
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 10:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
CallaLily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,544
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

I agree about reading some of the other threads about it.

My only guess is, he is disconnected from you and connected with the porn. That is usually a recipe for disaster. The hard thing is, trying to figure out why he has more interest in that than you.
__________________
CallaLily is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by _Sugah_ View Post
So how can he turn me down saying hes to tired but then watches porn til 1 am in the morning knowing he has to get up early??
Porn is easy. Its what he wants when he wants it. It makes the "real" thing seem much less desirable. Especially if he's stressed, its just a quick way to feel good.

How long have you been together all together? Do you work? school? Not to be blunt, but do you take care of yourself?
__________________
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Alright thnx ill do that!! I didnt know so many deal with this issue.. but it kinda makes me feel better that im not the only one.
Man sometimes i wish we could go back in time were no computers existed when there was no easy access to porn lol

I will check out the threads and if i find something that works i will definitly let u guys know.. cause i know how frustrated you must be at this point!
_Sugah_ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Hey blanca

Well we have been married for a year now and dated for 2 years before we got married.

Im at home now with my 1 year old son but soon ill start studying again.. and no you are not being blunt i understand why u asking me that i take real good care of myself, i stay in shape and i always try to look good so i know it cant be anything physical.. he also tells me im beautiful and all the good stuff so thats why im a little confused!

I totally agree with what you are saying about porn being easy and i dont mind him watching it or pleasing himself at all but once it gets in the way of our sexlife it gets a problem!
_Sugah_ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:39 AM   #7 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Have you ever watched porn with him?
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
Have you ever watched porn with him?
Conrad - I love ya - but THIS DOES NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING!

I watch porn, have watched porn with my husband also - even looked at his porn, that he watches himself to get ideas, change things up, introduce things he was looking at, etc.

And while our sex life spiced up - it didn't change his porn viewing habits NOT ONE BIT.

Some men - just can't figure them out - so I quit trying.
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 11:49 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

I will have to say though, the last time we were intimate, he threw something NEW out there that was quite a shock - not an issue, I went along and he really enjoyed it - just didn't expect it - knew what he was looking at on-line, but don't think I saw "this" played out anywhere or I might have missed it! LOL
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 12:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
Conrad - I love ya - but THIS DOES NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING!

I watch porn, have watched porn with my husband also - even looked at his porn, that he watches himself to get ideas, change things up, introduce things he was looking at, etc.

And while our sex life spiced up - it didn't change his porn viewing habits NOT ONE BIT.

Some men - just can't figure them out - so I quit trying.
Does the gal who started the thread want him to quit viewing porn or does she simply want more sex?
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 12:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
Does the gal who started the thread want him to quit viewing porn or does she simply want more sex?
Problem with porn replacing her for sex.

So, at this time, problem with porn and sex.

More sex, no problem with porn.

Understood it perfectly - same problem I have - exactly the same.

And guess what - I have the exact same viewpoint as the OP.
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 12:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

And I asked the question because I'm not sure she watches it with him.

If she would watch it with him, it may help solve her other complaint.

Make sense?
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 12:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
And I asked the question because I'm not sure she watches it with him.

If she would watch it with him, it may help solve her other complaint.

Make sense?
Sure, but if she does, then what?
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 12:46 PM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
Sure, but if she does, then what?
The same thing that happens when I watch it with my wife.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-17-2011, 05:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: Husband turns down sex but watches porn everyday

Quote:
Originally Posted by _Sugah_ View Post
Im at home now with my 1 year old son but soon ill start studying again.. and no you are not being blunt i understand why u asking me that
I have done a lot of thinking about why my own H turned to porn in my marriage. One of the common themes i find among women who are in marriages like this, myself included, is the girl is staying home a lot. I dont know what it means, but it seems to be the common theme.

Anyway, even if you are technically OK with porn, you might find that its not going to work in your marriage. that is what i found out. I also found out a lot of other things. My H turned to porn and lied to me about it because he didnt feel like an equal partner in the relationship. I think he felt used and like an object to me. Maybe that's not the case for you but this is usually an indication of a bigger problem in your marriage. Its rarely actually about the porn. The biggest misconception is assuming that its a simple issue that is his fault.
__________________
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
husband was on a cheating site and always watches porn Dedra Considering Divorce or Separation 24 02-02-2013 01:38 PM
Husband watches porn ALL the time..should I be worried? starbrite Sex in Marriage 7 08-15-2011 08:25 PM
My 31yr old husband isn't interested in sex with me..but watches porn? Peace2000 Sex in Marriage 17 07-29-2011 09:57 AM
surgery and my husband watches porn daily Arianna General Relationship Discussion 3 07-20-2009 08:16 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:58 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.