be honest boys... - Page 6
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-27-2011, 08:15 AM   #76 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

I suppose there is something to be learned from every perspective so i am OK with it (so far HAHA JK!!!!)

Anyway... Ya I get it, I think i may look obsessive on things here, or the eternal over analyzer (maybe I am but it's me, and it what I like, how I study/think and will change the world cuz I am Wonder Woman ) BUt, I do have reasons... I am a person who spends some time in my life being misunderstood, possibiliy because of the way I think, whatever, I am used it in my general life.. That said, I crave being understood by my partner and close friends (the friends I think get me pretty well, and you would have to ask them if that is a chore or given, or um, just as trenton) On the emotional crap on my own, like why I go back, can't break, am such a dopey sao, I don't get me, but that's not what I am talking about entirely here.

What I am talking about is frustration over being misunderstood, and not even know that's happening till it's too late (sorry but I expect someone to be able to say "I don't know what you are talking about" and not just nod the head and go along. I don't mind explaining, I am used it and generally won't be offended) I AM beginning to understand that some of the misunderstanding is in the "other's" constant habit of interpreting me. No matter how often I say not to do that, that I am not giving code but simply straight up words, they get interpreted and I am left thinking "how in hellz did you get THAT?" or "Have you MET me? does that even begin to SOUND like me?" It's a little scary sometimes LOL

But this is where I end up hurt as well. I hear things come back and if I am thinking "have you MET me", it hurts because I feel like if you knew me AT ALL, you would NEVER think I meant THAT. So I get that invisible feeling which again.. one of MY issues, hurts ALOT. So... I am asking lots of questions here, so that I might be able to express myself in a way that I am understood/seen whatever. (It's early here, coffe hasn't fully kicked in)

Also, don't try to think that I am who I am in type exactly. I am told because of my typing, I look like a total dope (I am not einstien, but I am not an idgit either). I am just better at face to face I think (and getting better at type esp on the mac with it's big red lines telling me TYPO YOU IDIOT!!!!)

So try to stick it out with me, I am paying attention (while deconstructing and trying to figure it out.... I KNOW I shouldn't but it's also what makes me the teacher's pet in my classes so.... LOL) Anyway, it has to do with how my mind works, and entirely for me. All this strage crap I am picking apart here, will go into my head, get processed and come out not nearly as insane as it looks going in, I SWEAR!!! My insanity that comes out is totally different LMAO
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-27-2011, 08:40 AM   #77 (permalink)
Member
 
surfergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 232
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draguna View Post
Oooh crap. Seems that nobody got that that was the part the comedian was saying. Only the last paragraph was mine. Said before that it was a hack translation to English. He was just exaggerating. All he meant to say is that putting a bag out doesn't make a man explicitly think he has to put it in the garbage container, especially if he is late. To be honest, growing up, my mom use to do that, but in her case it was clear. Anyone going outside will take the bag and dump it in the container. Worked like a charm.

So, yes, if I'd see one, I'd put it outside.
Posted via Mobile Device
My mistake....I actually meant to mention that my comment wasn't directed at you - I understood the bin thing wasn't yours.

My mum brought my brother's and I up the same way as yours did you....we had clear instructions on what our roles were from a very young age.

I just get frustrated sometimes because I don't get it when I hear so many folk complaining about the same thing. From women "I have to ask him ten times to take out the rubbish"....and from men "She's always nagging me to take out the rubbish". Blah. Blah. Blah.
surfergirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 08:54 AM   #78 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl View Post
My mistake....I actually meant to mention that my comment wasn't directed at you - I understood the bin thing wasn't yours.

My mum brought my brother's and I up the same way as yours did you....we had clear instructions on what our roles were from a very young age.

I just get frustrated sometimes because I don't get it when I hear so many folk complaining about the same thing. From women "I have to ask him ten times to take out the rubbish"....and from men "She's always nagging me to take out the rubbish". Blah. Blah. Blah.
There is always one stupid chore that represents a power struggle or a territorial marking. Not sure how rubbish ends up being it so often, but it just seems to represent something. Kinda funny to look at, but still real all the same. There is something much deeper than decomposing stink in that can
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 09:47 AM   #79 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 377
Default

Double post kinda, stupid refresh.
Draguna is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 11:20 AM   #80 (permalink)
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 7,806
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl View Post
Okay....I really need to ask this question.

In our home...if you notice it needs emptying - you empty it, if you notice it needs replacing - you replace it...whoever "you" are.
Really? You don't live in my world. "Things" need to be obsessed over before it's time to do them. Then supervised while I do them. Then I get to watch while she redoes it and complains about that. My spouse has a touch of power crazed OCD on that point.
Runs like Dog is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 01:05 PM   #81 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
I suppose there is something to be learned from every perspective so i am OK with it (so far HAHA JK!!!!)

Anyway... Ya I get it, I think i may look obsessive on things here, or the eternal over analyzer (maybe I am but it's me, and it what I like, how I study/think and will change the world cuz I am Wonder Woman ) BUt, I do have reasons... I am a person who spends some time in my life being misunderstood, possibiliy because of the way I think, whatever, I am used it in my general life.. That said, I crave being understood by my partner and close friends (the friends I think get me pretty well, and you would have to ask them if that is a chore or given, or um, just as trenton) On the emotional crap on my own, like why I go back, can't break, am such a dopey sao, I don't get me, but that's not what I am talking about entirely here.

What I am talking about is frustration over being misunderstood, and not even know that's happening till it's too late (sorry but I expect someone to be able to say "I don't know what you are talking about" and not just nod the head and go along. I don't mind explaining, I am used it and generally won't be offended) I AM beginning to understand that some of the misunderstanding is in the "other's" constant habit of interpreting me. No matter how often I say not to do that, that I am not giving code but simply straight up words, they get interpreted and I am left thinking "how in hellz did you get THAT?" or "Have you MET me? does that even begin to SOUND like me?" It's a little scary sometimes LOL

But this is where I end up hurt as well. I hear things come back and if I am thinking "have you MET me", it hurts because I feel like if you knew me AT ALL, you would NEVER think I meant THAT. So I get that invisible feeling which again.. one of MY issues, hurts ALOT. So... I am asking lots of questions here, so that I might be able to express myself in a way that I am understood/seen whatever. (It's early here, coffe hasn't fully kicked in)

Also, don't try to think that I am who I am in type exactly. I am told because of my typing, I look like a total dope (I am not einstien, but I am not an idgit either). I am just better at face to face I think (and getting better at type esp on the mac with it's big red lines telling me TYPO YOU IDIOT!!!!)

So try to stick it out with me, I am paying attention (while deconstructing and trying to figure it out.... I KNOW I shouldn't but it's also what makes me the teacher's pet in my classes so.... LOL) Anyway, it has to do with how my mind works, and entirely for me. All this strage crap I am picking apart here, will go into my head, get processed and come out not nearly as insane as it looks going in, I SWEAR!!! My insanity that comes out is totally different LMAO
My experience indicates that "people misunderstand me" is shorthand for "I really don't understand myself"

Anytime you start apologizing for your weaknesses, they become yours to own.

And, this means the words, "It's just me".

That means you've actually QUIT thinking and simply react in the "normal" ineffective way.

I know these words are somewhat hard - and they look worse in writing than if you could see my eyes as I'm thinking them.

That's because I've likely been where you currently are.

Last edited by Conrad; 02-27-2011 at 01:09 PM.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 02:20 PM   #82 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
My experience indicates that "people misunderstand me" is shorthand for "I really don't understand myself"

Anytime you start apologizing for your weaknesses, they become yours to own.

And, this means the words, "It's just me".

That means you've actually QUIT thinking and simply react in the "normal" ineffective way.

I know these words are somewhat hard - and they look worse in writing than if you could see my eyes as I'm thinking them.

That's because I've likely been where you currently are.

No, I really do think a little differently, but FULLY understand myself... I do get what you are saying, but if I try to explain you will write me off as arrogant so I won't even go there other than to say... not it (I get why you think so though, I do understand your perception given what I am offering and that's fine) I am a very complex thinker which is what makes me good at what I do in school (and held to a higher standard that I make for myself). Not better or worse, just different (it's me) That's as far as I will go with that. And ya, I know I over analyze, but again me, gotta take the good with the bad right?)
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 02:23 PM   #83 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

In the man misunderstanding me, a LOT of it is the he trying to interpret what I say, when all I mean is the words I said (for real not BS'ing you, I really DO mean JUST the words I said) then they are interpretted (him thinking I must mean something else) and from then on it is like two people have two different discussions, and just BAD!!! HAHA I will flatly say when I am not sure how to word something or if I know it's coming out not quite right, but otherwise, nope, as long as you know the basic definition of each word i say, then you are good.
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 03:31 PM   #84 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
No, I really do think a little differently, but FULLY understand myself... I do get what you are saying, but if I try to explain you will write me off as arrogant so I won't even go there other than to say... not it (I get why you think so though, I do understand your perception given what I am offering and that's fine) I am a very complex thinker which is what makes me good at what I do in school (and held to a higher standard that I make for myself). Not better or worse, just different (it's me) That's as far as I will go with that. And ya, I know I over analyze, but again me, gotta take the good with the bad right?)
I respect arrogant people who are accountable more than those who brush past with dismissive language.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:06 PM   #85 (permalink)
Member
 
credamdóchasgra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,917
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
In the man misunderstanding me, a LOT of it is the he trying to interpret what I say, when all I mean is the words I said.
I also find this very irritating.

When someone over-interprets my words and reads into them something I *didn't* say, I just repeat verbatim and reinforce that *that* is precisely, and ONLY, what I meant.

If it upsets or gets ME riled up to be over-interpreted, I have to be willing to dig deep enough to figure out WHY being misunderstood bothers ME so much.
__________________
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
credamdóchasgra is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:12 PM   #86 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
I respect arrogant people who are accountable more than those who brush past with dismissive language.
I am not being dismissive, just not discussing it. I explained it enough. And I am fully accountable and more than willing to cop to things. You need more? I start from the outside in... Easiest example ... Ask me about American history... say politics... any question... My first thoughts on an answer are not going to simply political, but encompass economics, social issues of the time, global, military, political etc... everything that touches the politics because in my mind none of those things are separate from the others. I deconstruct... go out to in. It's how I think. To give an answer someone is looking for, I have to break down to the simple. I don't build up.

Now you can put that into relationships, love, family etc. I don't have to look for connections because they are what I think of first. I see the complex first, then deconstruct. I can't help it, it drives me nuts sometimes because in many situations I have to work at my answer to bring it down for the person asking. When i am with my friends, or people close to me, I relax and allow myself what is more natural to me.

Gawds... It is a difficult thing to explain in type, but if you were able to be around me for a little while, you might better see what I mean. I think differently (I have since I was a kid, t works for some things in life, kills other things) My mind does not work in a single straight line, it works in a kind of network of multiple, connected and crossing lines all at the same time.

I hate trying to explain certain things in type. It never seems to translate right, and I understand exactly the perception you will have from my explanation, and because you do not KNOW me, it will be all wrong. But oh well, nothing can be done about that, so it's either we continue to engage in conversation, or one of us backs out of it.... my thread, I'm stayin...
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:16 PM   #87 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra View Post
I also find this very irritating.

When someone over-interprets my words and reads into them something I *didn't* say, I just repeat verbatim and reinforce that *that* is precisely, and ONLY, what I meant.

If it upsets or gets ME riled up to be over-interpreted, I have to be willing to dig deep enough to figure out WHY being misunderstood bothers ME so much.
Which is what I am doing here. Can't really ask the person who so insanely looks for hidden meaning in my words, communication is not working there ATM, so I am looking for answers here, hoping that if there IS future communication, maybe I can get simple words across without them being interpreted into god knows what HAHA

I pretty much often ask for the person to paraphrase back what I said (often following up with "when did I EVER say that or anything close to it?!") I mean how can you take a person's words, and so easily take them to mean something entirely out of character for them and not even question if you are misunderstanding? It's a mystery to me HAHA
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:19 PM   #88 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
I am not being dismissive, just not discussing it. I explained it enough. And I am fully accountable and more than willing to cop to things. You need more? I start from the outside in... Easiest example ... Ask me about American history... say politics... any question... My first thoughts on an answer are not going to simply political, but encompass economics, social issues of the time, global, military, political etc... everything that touches the politics because in my mind none of those things are separate from the others. I deconstruct... go out to in. It's how I think. To give an answer someone is looking for, I have to break down to the simple. I don't build up.

Now you can put that into relationships, love, family etc. I don't have to look for connections because they are what I think of first. I see the complex first, then deconstruct. I can't help it, it drives me nuts sometimes because in many situations I have to work at my answer to bring it down for the person asking. When i am with my friends, or people close to me, I relax and allow myself what is more natural to me.

Gawds... It is a difficult thing to explain in type, but if you were able to be around me for a little while, you might better see what I mean. I think differently (I have since I was a kid, t works for some things in life, kills other things) My mind does not work in a single straight line, it works in a kind of network of multiple, connected and crossing lines all at the same time.

I hate trying to explain certain things in type. It never seems to translate right, and I understand exactly the perception you will have from my explanation, and because you do not KNOW me, it will be all wrong. But oh well, nothing can be done about that, so it's either we continue to engage in conversation, or one of us backs out of it.... my thread, I'm stayin...
Once you get it all figured out, you begin to realize how much you don't know.

Been there - done that.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:25 PM   #89 (permalink)
Member
 
woodstock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 704
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
Once you get it all figured out, you begin to realize how much you don't know.

Been there - done that.
When it comes to myself, I pretty much get it, good bad and ugly. Not too many mysteries left there (I have always been introspective) Will admit to constantly working on getting others figured out.

I know ME, I am pretty much an open book, but not to do too much explaining to just anyone. Also prefer to answer questions, than simply explain. Ask, I'll answer (to a point, we all have personal parts we share with those close, but mine are few so have at it) What is it you want to know?
woodstock is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-27-2011, 04:26 PM   #90 (permalink)
Member
 
credamdóchasgra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,917
Default Re: be honest boys...

Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
I pretty much often ask for the person to paraphrase back what I said (often following up with "when did I EVER say that or anything close to it?!") I mean how can you take a person's words, and so easily take them to mean something entirely out of character for them and not even question if you are misunderstanding? It's a mystery to me HAHA
Forget paraphrasing.

Have him "mirror" LITERALLY and VERBATIM what you have said. As insipid as that sounds, it actually works and is necessary when you are dealing with misinterpretation.

After he mirrors, if he doesn't understand, you get to clarify. Then he mirrors your clarification.

I can relate to what you say about the way you think--seeing all the endless connections instead of a simplified answer or linear path (unless I'm misinterpreting )

Analytical thinking can get in one's way in intimate and emotional relationships. Analyzing can keep you from finding out what is really hiding behind or under some frustration, concern, or other feeling you might have.

They may all be there and connected, but it can help to take just one at a time.

Then again, I could be misinterpreting you completely; in which case, feel free to disregard whatever doesn't apply!
__________________
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
credamdóchasgra is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Mommas boys? loveless25 The Family & Parenting Forums 1 02-09-2011 04:30 AM
Going out with the boys.. chris1 The Family & Parenting Forums 7 01-30-2011 10:55 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:37 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.