you are with a woman and she pretty much on instinct, will see your needs, big and small, and try to fill them. (thing early one here) You don't have to say, hell when you think back, you didn't even realize you had them, yet she filled them. You didn't need much to ask, but if you did, she at the very least, made an effort.
Now for the honesty.. Thinking back again, how many times did you do that for her... and how long did it take of your missing the signs of her needs for her to break down and mention them and ask for you to do something.... THEN, how many of you, being honest, looking back, made filling her needs look like a burden on you (think hard, be honest, think about what you showed HER, not what you think you showed, but what you DID show)
Just looking for some honesty, here. Speaking from experience, I am a giver and happy to be so. I understand the male habit of not picking up on subtlety, I will ask, but still, I so often feel that no matter how small, my needs are a burden to a man. I know I am not alone, I am just wondering how many man, being honest, feel that women are crazy for this, or if perhaps you are aware, maybe sorry, but better yet have some advice for the women feeling they are a burden.
I am also not talking about big time, high maintenance women here, just simple, basic, no frills everyday kinds of needs.
Working things out for myself, and honestly here would help
I never though they were a burden. I just didn't really know what the needs were. So when I tried to guess, and do something nice, but it wasn't really one of her needs so it was wasted...I would get frustrated and not try other things, because I thought she would never appreciate anything I did.
Now! If she didn't think I was a freakin mind reader, and told me what her needs were, I wouldn't have gone through a separation after her EA!
Or, conversely....I wish I even knew about love banks, and critical love needs, and love busters a long time ago! Posted via Mobile Device
See, you have to understand that I am fully aware of the male blindness factor and I am not afraid of saying... Ya know... I would really like this, or when i act like this or do that, it would really help if you .....
Just get that anything asked for is a burden, like there is gonna be a big sigh, then MAYBE get what I need.... And I am not even talking HUGE needs here, but kind of return the favor type things... like "if you really like when I do this... ya know... chances are I would really like if you did it for me now and again"
Oh, a and one other thing. What I thought was a burden sometimes, was because I didn't get the importance of the kittle things. Since guys think differently, and tend to be analytical fixers...we don't get the importance sometimes of what your saying....cuz...we'll...we are guys. Posted via Mobile Device
OK, here is a key thing... if we will go so far as to ask for it, chances are even if it looks really dumb or so insignificant, chances are it's pretty important to us, hence why we went so far as to ask. We don't take that step unless its for real
Yes. I realize that now! Lol! After an EA in my marriage and a stressful separation! I guess that was exactly the bit(h slap across the head that I needed to begin to even make an attempt to understand this very topic....haha Posted via Mobile Device
From early on in our relationship, I always tried to fill my wife's needs. The only problem was she never told me what her needs were. So not being a mind reader, I fulfilled the needs I thought she had. I do not once recall her telling me "this is what I need", so for sixteen years (dating and marriage) I played a guessing game, and I didn't even realize I was wrong more often than not.
I am trying to learn in a hurry now, but now I'm also telling her exactly what I need. If I need to work on this marriage, so does she. Teamwork.
Well, adv, how many times did you ask? You have to explain that you want to fill needs, but you are a man, so you don't find them without a map, or at least an obvious hint Seriously though... just communication.... (Starting to think maybe I am too good at the communication thing? so many man are getting NONE, or say they aren't, meanwhile I can't imagine NOT telling him... no offense but I don't want to sit waiting forever for him to figure it out LOL)
See, you have to understand that I am fully aware of the male blindness factor and I am not afraid of saying... Ya know... I would really like this, or when i act like this or do that, it would really help if you .....
Just get that anything asked for is a burden, like there is gonna be a big sigh, then MAYBE get what I need.... And I am not even talking HUGE needs here, but kind of return the favor type things... like "if you really like when I do this... ya know... chances are I would really like if you did it for me now and again"
So, asking the "blind" if they are able to see is bloodsport?
From early on in our relationship, I always tried to fill my wife's needs. The only problem was she never told me what her needs were. So not being a mind reader, I fulfilled the needs I thought she had. I do not once recall her telling me "this is what I need", so for sixteen years (dating and marriage) I played a guessing game, and I didn't even realize I was wrong more often than not.
I am trying to learn in a hurry now, but now I'm also telling her exactly what I need. If I need to work on this marriage, so does she. Teamwork.
In the beginning it was pure instinct on the sex thing that and youth you just went for it until you couldn't anymore. 15 years later, two kids and a bunch of other stuff, things have changed. Since the kids were born, her needs changed. She never told me what she wanted in bed and I never asked. Things got bad and we stopped having sex. I think it's been two years since we've had really great sex and months since we've done it. Which is probably why I have such a long thread on an affair... Anyway, I think many of these problems would've been averted if she had simply told me what she wanted, but that is so beta. I'm supposed to be Alpha and just take what I want and do it hard. I'm afraid that's what most women want but are too afraid to tell you... A few weeks ago, when my wife and I were still trying to figure out what the hell was going on, she alluded to all types of things in bed she had never brought up before. I thought, am I supposed to be a mind reader? I think most women think this way. Those that are still happily married are willing to tell you what they really need.
Ok mr nice guy... Just gotta ask here.... umm... What exactly gave you the impression I was referring to sexual needs? LMAO I did not even consider pointing this out, but I am talking about basic everyday needs, I had not even considered sex needs LMAO
Well, adv, how many times did you ask? You have to explain that you want to fill needs, but you are a man, so you don't find them without a map, or at least an obvious hint Seriously though... just communication.... (Starting to think maybe I am too good at the communication thing? so many man are getting NONE, or say they aren't, meanwhile I can't imagine NOT telling him... no offense but I don't want to sit waiting forever for him to figure it out LOL)
I asked all the time, but I would usually get an "I don't know" type answer. So when that would happen, I would fall back on what I know. Doing things, making money, taking her places, etc... I'm not trying to paint a grim picture because I think most of our years were pretty great, but guessing wrong does get very frustrating after a while.
Ok mr nice guy... Just gotta ask here.... umm... What exactly gave you the impression I was referring to sexual needs? LMAO I did not even consider pointing this out, but I am talking about basic everyday needs, I had not even considered sex needs LMAO
You did realize you were posting in the Men's Clubhouse?
be honest boys... 
Seriously though... just communication.... (Starting to think maybe I am too good at the communication thing? so many man are getting NONE, or say they aren't, meanwhile I can't imagine NOT telling him... no offense but I don't want to sit waiting forever for him to figure it out LOL)
