Can't understand how he could lose respect when it's just the two of you. Maybe he can't open up and tell you what he wants. I'm the opposite, I express too much and intimidate my wife sometimes. You may just have to try and surprise him with some new ideas. The main thing is to watch your stress level with being pregnant and all. Sounds like your hubby's mind is somewhere else, he's nervous about the kid on the way, missing his mom. Could be using porn as a complete mental escape.
I've only been married a year and my husband does not seem as interested in sex as I am although he looks at porn every day. I have never had this issue before. I am in good shape and attractive (I think :-) but he says it is just a stress release and not causing any problems etc. etc. We are very close - pretty much best friends and I trust him with everything but this is just really hurting me.
A few weeks ago I was on his comp. and looked at his history b/c I couldn't find a site I had previously been on and...there are many! porn sites there from every single day M-F that he works from home. I don't think he does it all day but I'd say an hour a day anyway. I have talked/cried many times about feeling like he doesn't initiate or want me and he is very attentive and is very affectionate. he is great in every other way.
I even asked if he thought the porn was an issue but he gets angry and denies it. I asked him again last night and he was furious that I 'accused' him of watching it all day. How can a person be so angry at being 'accused' of something they are actually doing?
Anyway - he said he HAD changed since our last conversation and was not watching it every day. but he is. I was going to tell him I knew but...he got so angry and lied right off the bat. I just didn't say anything.
I have never had low self esteem before but it sure seems like he prefers these other women on-line over me. he never chats or anything like that but he is choosing to "be" with them and not me. It hurts. Especially since we are basically newlyweds. I am adventurous in the bedroom and have never turned him down so?? what do I do? I am actually fine with it once in a while but..every day?? I believe he sees this as a freedom issue but I want him to come to be for the most part to fulfill his desires - not the computer.
HELP! need a guys perspective
How can a person be so angry at being 'accused' of something they are actually doing? Because they don't like to hear the truth said to them, hun. The more you catch them in a lie, the more mad they get. Then they start saying you are the problem, not them. Hey, they have to, so they won't feel guilty, and can go on having their cake and eating it too.
Firstly, if he is ejaculating when he watches the porn, he will not have the drive to want sex with you, even though he could do it if you asked. Basically he is no longer HUNGRY. Suggest to him that if he watches it, and plays with himself, he should not cum.
As for your asking if you should just live with his lack of sexual attention to you, the answer is a big no. In a few years you will be down to once every six months. If he can't handle the side effects of porn he should give it up. and if he can't do that, you should probably give him up before he breaks your heart.
If you want a technique to find out what he likes in bed, look at this: Weight ruining marriage
Can't understand how he could lose respect when it's just the two of you. Maybe he can't open up and tell you what he wants. I'm the opposite, I express too much and intimidate my wife sometimes. You may just have to try and surprise him with some new ideas. The main thing is to watch your stress level with being pregnant and all. Sounds like your hubby's mind is somewhere else, he's nervous about the kid on the way, missing his mom. Could be using porn as a complete mental escape.
Can't understand how he could lose respect when it's just the two of you.
It may not be real time body to body sex, Martino, but it is still disrespectful to a woman. He is not really having sexy with those women, but in his mind he is. I guess with his ownself.. Whoop Dee Doo ! All his time is spent lusting after someone he can not be with is a waste of time. It shows low valuses and morals and great disrespect to woman when they rather be in a make believe word, than having the real deal that is standing right in front of them. What is it really? Is it the nastyness of it? The fake boobs in the face? Some men are dogs in heat and can't help themselves? What would make a man lose everthing he has for nothing at all, I'll never know. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.
Newlywed you just need to change your game. Grab him in a movie theater and whisper something really naughty in his ear. Tell him you need a spanking you've been thinking about naughty things lately.
Hun, some men do act up when a baby is on the way. See how he is when the baby is born, if he is spending more time with the scum bags than you and the baby, then put your foot down. Tell him to choose. Will it be a make believe world or me and your child?
Newlywed you just need to change your game. Grab him in a movie theater and whisper something really naughty in his ear. Tell him you need a spanking you've been thinking about naughty things lately.
LOL.. you think that would work? What if the movie is a naughty one, he will be miles away in La La Land, and not hear a word she's saying. What? Huh? Did I spill something on me?
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Re: Help with new husband and porn
Quote:
Originally Posted by martino
Newlywed you just need to change your game. Grab him in a movie theater and whisper something really naughty in his ear. Tell him you need a spanking you've been thinking about naughty things lately.
Why do we need to assume she needs to change? True there maybe something missing in the bedroom but it could be dozens of other things also. It could be anxiety, stress, a warped character, a loss of feeling for his wife. I find the “just act sl***y" a pretty shallow suggestion when there is so much else that could be wrong in the relationship. I still opt for better communication between NW2008 and her husband. If they fully discuss and he finally tells her what he is missing great but don’t assume all men what their wives to trash out is a turn on.
wow - thanks everyone. lots of good advice. i've gone the naughty route but maybe not extreme enough. will try. and i totally agree that he is SO not hungry for me. He has already had his desires met. i dnon't want to settle for a marriage with someone who is just a companion (I am only 38) but...he is an incredible husband in every other way. I waited all this time toget married and, up until now, i never questioned he was the one. if he would just talk to me enough to compromise i feel like we owuld be good. i am so tired of trying to get him interested.
i am sure he is fraking about the baby btu it started before. truth is i thik this is something he has always done - which is why he is fighting it so hard. he has this thing about not 'being allowed to do things. meanwhile - i think the only thing i have ever put my foot down about is his ex not coming to our wedding.
LOL what in the world are you talking about?? i'm talking about when they are at the local movie plex, not some smoky smut theater. Or at a restaurant. If he is using the porn for "release" shall we say, that is a problem. But if you women issued ultimatums at all the men that look at porn, you would all be single. Ok, well many of you anyways. That's a fact. I think Newlywed needs to come to an agreement with him, but not an ultimatum, not yet. Sheesh!
i kinda feel the same way - i am tired of trying to mold myself to get his attention. he has always been so incredible about talking out anything - this is so out of character which scares me more. makes it look like a big issue.
My husband was 32 when we met, and never married. Being a physicist, he had access to the internet long before most people even heard of it and it didn't take long for porn to enter the scene, so it may well be he has done this for some time and it has become compulsive to deal with stress/boredom/releasing sexual tension.
I do think men are conditioned as boys that this behavior is wrong and most believe (rightfully so) that it would not be a good thing for their significant other to know about so in a sense it is a secret life...until we find boatloads of it on their laptop. There could be a number of reasons why he is reacting this way ashamed/embarrassed may be part of it but I think for my husband he resented that I invaded his privacy and 'secret life' because once Pandora's Box is opened, he had to address it full on open for discussion and he to some extent relies on/enjoys this in private.
Anyway, I also responded in the ladies lounge re: my perspective on the whole issue, having been there myself.
Whoah people, chill out. I'm not saying she has to change who she is morally, do what you are comfortable with. I'm not assuming all men want their ladies trashy, but they sure don't all want prudes either. The "it's either me or porn" camp is small minded in my opinion. First of all while he may agree to drop the porn, sooner or later he will come back looking again, don't fool yourself. So then what? you catch him again and begin the legal process of divorce?
Better to come to some common ground. Maybe Newly wants sex 2 times a week or three or four, tell him. If there is a problem and he can't or won't perform as a result of porn use then take action. I'm just saying, don't blame porn ladies blame your men. Again about one third of porn viewers are you guessed it...women!
Re: Help with new husband and porn 
