Brennan,
How about this. Lets say you had 21 years that was on occasion below (but not much below) your target frequency and quality was outstanding. So you don't really have a pent up demand - or if so - it is really minor.
Now - think of your target frequency. Whatever is perfect for you.
Now multiply it by AT LEAST 4 and maybe 6. Oh - and then remember I am a MAN. I have a hydraulic system needs to function. If I just needed to get wet - I could get a bottle of KY. That is not the case. At some level this is "funny" to her. But she is very intent on making a point and I am guessing she is going to do this until certain that I have "gotten the message". She is succeeding so far - I haven't felt this much guilt in a loooonnnnngggg time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brennan
Exactly why are you gripin' MEM. To quote Chandler Bing from Friends "My wallet's too small for my fifties AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT."
My "guess" she isn't angry. Not really. She is simply determined to break this pattern. And I believe that she thinks this is the best way to break "my" pattern. I actually think she is right. I am NOT enjoying being the LD spouse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Ok, I am just curious here.
HOW do you know -for absolute certainty - she doesn't REALLY TRULY want it 2-3 times a day? You know it is very possible at her age to come into this.
Is this all about having you finally realize how she used to feel?
Brennan,
How about this. Lets say you had 21 years that was on occasion below (but not much below) your target frequency and quality was outstanding. So you don't really have a pent up demand - or if so - it is really minor.
Now - think of your target frequency. Whatever is perfect for you.
Now multiply it by AT LEAST 4 and maybe 6. Oh - and then remember I am a MAN. I have a hydraulic system needs to function. If I just needed to get wet - I could get a bottle of KY. That is not the case. At some level this is "funny" to her. But she is very intent on making a point and I am guessing she is going to do this until certain that I have "gotten the message". She is succeeding so far - I haven't felt this much guilt in a loooonnnnngggg time.
MEM,
I hope you know I was joking around. It was more a nod to Runs like Dog when he said "we should all have such troubles".
Ok, now I will never think of hydraulics quite the same way again.
Didn't mean to offend at all. Thought I would interject some light hearted humor.
MEM, suck it up , pop some pills and enjoy the ride. If you could pull it off you can tell her you are beginning to enjoy this level of activity (you'd really have to sell it).
Brennan,
No offence at all. Your humor is definitely welcome. Sorry if I sound defensive. This has an entertaining aspect to it which is easier to appreciate after a couple xanax.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brennan
MEM,
I hope you know I was joking around. It was more a nod to Runs like Dog when he said "we should all have such troubles".
Ok, now I will never think of hydraulics quite the same way again.
Didn't mean to offend at all. Thought I would interject some light hearted humor.
My "guess" she isn't angry. Not really. She is simply determined to break this pattern. And I believe that she thinks this is the best way to break "my" pattern. I actually think she is right. I am NOT enjoying being the LD spouse.
Ha ha -that is funny then. I guess I thought you 2 was on a even keel these days, I guess she feels you have something to learn. I think you should take Conrads advice & hammer her good.
THANK GOD me & my husband are finally in a similar place. Although he won't say it outright, I KNOW I was over doing it -pushing him.
Bill,
I wish. She will stop when she is convinced I "get it" and also that she has inflicted a "fair" amount of anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bill2011
MEM, suck it up , pop some pills and enjoy the ride. If you could pull it off you can tell her you are beginning to enjoy this level of activity (you'd really have to sell it).
Bill,
I wish. She will stop when she is convinced I "get it" and also that she has inflicted a "fair" amount of anxiety.
Okay, I will gently tip toe here. You did post not too long ago that you in essence suggested that you seek gratification elsewhere if she is not willing/able to do so. No doubt that inflicted a GREAT deal of anxiety on her. Isn't turnaround fair play?
Hold it, I'm still clearing the water out of my nose. I could not resist posting.
WHAT!!! Someone who can nearly out-MEM ..... MEM himself and she living with him. You must have done something very good or very bad in a past life.
You wife is so perfect for you. She is deep and she knows how to kick your aaazzzz. Keep her under surveillance from now on MEM, I don't think this is the only earth shaking move she has for you.
Do you remember that conversation you guys had during a long walk you posted about awhile back? She may have been planning her move all that time and she may be a few moves ahead of you.
I don't think she is going to let you off the hook in a week. You guys are only in the middle game of the match and she just checked you. You have a long way to go. Good luck, I places a $2 dollar bet on you so you better win.
And THAT was exactly the interaction she was mimicking this morning with her comment about seeking gratification elsewhere. Yes Brennan - karma is indeed a beetch. Still - that actually is oddly enough not her main issue. She KNOWS she provoked a strong reaction with her comments prior to me reacting that way.
Still - there is an element of theater here. I have NEVER said to her "your quota is X" fill it or else. We have a soft understanding that gaps of 5 days or more are not good. And she is good about making sure those are very rare and when we are clicking we connect 2-3-4 times a week.
Her thing in summary is: "I am a REALLY good W in and out of bed, when we have the occasional hiccup, be NICE about it". And ultimately that is fair.
Going forward I am resolved to simply smile and say "I miss you" or "I really would like to connect soon" when there is a hiccup.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brennan
Okay, I will gently tip toe here. You did post not too long ago that you in essence suggested that you seek gratification elsewhere if she is not willing/able to do so. No doubt that inflicted a GREAT deal of anxiety on her. Isn't turnaround fair play?
Hold it, I'm still clearing the water out of my nose. I could not resist posting.
WHAT!!! Someone who can nearly out-MEM ..... MEM himself and she living with him. You must have done something very good or very bad in a past life.
You wife is so perfect for you. She is deep and she knows how to kick your aaazzzz. Keep her under surveillance from now on MEM, I don't think this is the only earth shaking move she has for you.
Do you remember that conversation you guys had during a long walk you posted about awhile back? She may have been planning her move all that time.
I don't think she is going to let you off the hook in a week. You guys are only in the middle game of the match and she just checked you. You have a long way to go. Good luck, I places a $2 dollar bet on you so you better win.
"Someone who can out-Mem himself?" Stranger things have happened. A person managed to post a shorter response than Conrad. Didn't even think that was possible.
Yes, Catherine! The convo during the walk is exactly what I just mentioned. She's been planning this for awhile. Women don't tend to let words like those slide.
Mem, you might need something blue, a padded headboard, some Doan's back pills, ace bandage wraps, Icy Hot, benadryl for swelling and above all....a heating pad. I don't see this ending in a week either.
Re: Emotional judo - works both ways 
