Inside the mind of a 30 year old man .... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-09-2011, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Hi Lime - glad to hear that someone thinks along the same lines as me

I am 25.

I would have to have a very long and serious think before I could answer if I would leave him or not. It has only been since I turned 25 that I have started to have marriage on the brain. In all the previous years with him I never thought about it, I was young and having fun. However, I have always known that I would not have children without being married.
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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-09-2011, 03:36 PM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Ask him to marry you. If he says no you know he doesn't want to. If he says yes then you know he wants to. You can't wait around for a 1950's proposal when you're in a 2011 relationship. You want to be married then pop the question.

In thy foul throat thou liest.
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-09-2011, 06:07 PM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Let me give you my take.

I suspected I wanted to marry my then-girlfriend after two years of living together. So I decided to give it a couple of years to see how things went.

After five years, I was pretty sure I wanted to marry my girlfriend. I even asked my dad about it. He told me, "Son, anything that important is worth studying on for a couple more years, don't you think?" So I gave it another couple of years.

I was glad I did. At a certain point, it was obvious that we needed to be married. But if I had gone ahead and committed before I was ready, darn good and sure, I would have had doubts.

No doubts now. Been together 20 years, this August. Three kids.

Don't pressure him. He knows the score. But if you try to drag him to the altar, he'll resent it. Let him move in his own time.
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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 02:07 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Quote:
Originally Posted by lime View Post
Answer to your first question: tax benefits.

Answer to your second: love, desire to start a family.
He's not going to marry her for a few grand a year in tax returns.

He already has started a family. The two of them are a family.

Sorry, but I stand by the old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

He can pack up and leave at any time.
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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 06:40 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Tax savings and desire to start a family are not inside the mind of a 30 year old male. He currently is getting all he would want from marriage, therefore he's not looking to change it.
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post #21 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 06:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Kobo - what you say makes sense .... But I don't think I would consider something that extreme for a few more years haha

IanIronWood - you have actually really helped. He is an overthinker/worrying type, always considering the worst case scenario. Its one of the reasons we work so well as I am always the one who 'talks him down' when he is worrying. So if I'm not discussing it with him, and he is overthinking it. He has nobody to help him see that he may be over reacting! Thanks Ian!

Danf - when it comes to 'reasons why people marry' I think we will have to agree to disagree.

Hicks - I can't disagree, he is getting everything that he would get from a marriage, but again, I don't want someone to marry me just for the perks that cohabiting brings.

I am coming to the conclusion that, to me, marriage is not the be all and end all, it is just something that I want.
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post #22 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 08:18 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

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Hicks - I can't disagree, he is getting everything that he would get from a marriage, but again, I don't want someone to marry me just for the perks that cohabiting brings.
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That's the main reason anyone gets married. The perk's of cohabitation include having one's emotional need for love and intimacy met 100% of the time.
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post #23 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Really? The main reason people get married is to live together? That is definitely not how I see it.

As people these days have a lot less pressure to marry I see it as a free choice. I choose to want to marry him, I don't have to in order to have a relationship.
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post #24 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 08:43 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

If you want to get married.....tell him.

If he agrees, begin planning it proactively, and ask for his assistance.

Do NOT expect anything...ask him.

If he does not want to, then you must decide if you want to give him an ultimatum.
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post #25 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-10-2011, 09:20 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

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Really? The main reason people get married is to live together? That is definitely not how I see it.
A man will marry you because he "can't live without you".
So yes, "living together" is the reason to get married. I don't think that living together = cohabitation though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJG;271784
As people these days have a lot less pressure to marry I see it as a free choice. I choose to want to marry him, I don't have to in order to have a relationship.
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Yes, you can choose to commit your life to someone who does not commit back. But, please think twice before you give a child a father who cannot demonstrate a willingness to give a lifetime commitment.
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post #26 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 07:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Hi all!

Thought i would come back to my thread and say thanks to everyone for their advice. You were right in saying that i just needed to talk to him (i suppose my slightly stubborn nature was holding me back). We talked last summer, i asked him if we were on the same page and he let me know that i shouldnt worry about it.

Turns out he was planning a lovely propsal and he couldnt have done it any better!

Now we just have the problem of me wanting to elope and him wanting a proper weddingOh well ha ha i can think of worse problems to have!

Thanks again and i think i will be sticking around on this site as i have found it a huge help
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post #27 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 10:24 AM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

congrats
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post #28 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 02:01 PM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

My 2 cents

"if a man is settled and happy does his mind naturally go toward making it official? I am starting to wonder if the thought has ever crossed his mind"

NOPE. we are simple creatures. Things are going great. Why screw it up?
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post #29 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 03:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Errrrrm Thanks - If you read two posts up you will see i just came back to say thanks to everyone . . . .
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post #30 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 03:31 PM
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Re: Inside the mind of a 30 year old man ....

Congrats on your pending nuptials
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