Hi Lime - glad to hear that someone thinks along the same lines as me
I am 25.
I would have to have a very long and serious think before I could answer if I would leave him or not. It has only been since I turned 25 that I have started to have marriage on the brain. In all the previous years with him I never thought about it, I was young and having fun. However, I have always known that I would not have children without being married. Posted via Mobile Device
Ask him to marry you. If he says no you know he doesn't want to. If he says yes then you know he wants to. You can't wait around for a 1950's proposal when you're in a 2011 relationship. You want to be married then pop the question.
I suspected I wanted to marry my then-girlfriend after two years of living together. So I decided to give it a couple of years to see how things went.
After five years, I was pretty sure I wanted to marry my girlfriend. I even asked my dad about it. He told me, "Son, anything that important is worth studying on for a couple more years, don't you think?" So I gave it another couple of years.
I was glad I did. At a certain point, it was obvious that we needed to be married. But if I had gone ahead and committed before I was ready, darn good and sure, I would have had doubts.
No doubts now. Been together 20 years, this August. Three kids.
Don't pressure him. He knows the score. But if you try to drag him to the altar, he'll resent it. Let him move in his own time.
Kobo - what you say makes sense .... But I don't think I would consider something that extreme for a few more years haha
IanIronWood - you have actually really helped. He is an overthinker/worrying type, always considering the worst case scenario. Its one of the reasons we work so well as I am always the one who 'talks him down' when he is worrying. So if I'm not discussing it with him, and he is overthinking it. He has nobody to help him see that he may be over reacting! Thanks Ian!
Danf - when it comes to 'reasons why people marry' I think we will have to agree to disagree.
Hicks - I can't disagree, he is getting everything that he would get from a marriage, but again, I don't want someone to marry me just for the perks that cohabiting brings.
I am coming to the conclusion that, to me, marriage is not the be all and end all, it is just something that I want. Posted via Mobile Device
Really? The main reason people get married is to live together? That is definitely not how I see it.
A man will marry you because he "can't live without you".
So yes, "living together" is the reason to get married. I don't think that living together = cohabitation though.
Originally Posted by JJG;271784
As people these days have a lot less pressure to marry I see it as a free choice. I choose to want to marry him, I don't have to in order to have a relationship.
Posted via Mobile Device[/size]
Yes, you can choose to commit your life to someone who does not commit back. But, please think twice before you give a child a father who cannot demonstrate a willingness to give a lifetime commitment.
Thought i would come back to my thread and say thanks to everyone for their advice. You were right in saying that i just needed to talk to him (i suppose my slightly stubborn nature was holding me back). We talked last summer, i asked him if we were on the same page and he let me know that i shouldnt worry about it.
Turns out he was planning a lovely propsal and he couldnt have done it any better!
Now we just have the problem of me wanting to elope and him wanting a proper weddingOh well ha ha i can think of worse problems to have!
Thanks again and i think i will be sticking around on this site as i have found it a huge help