Affaircare from this site gave a good example of the difference between controlling behavior and standing up to your boundaries.
Controlling behavior: "you can't talk to these men anymore"
Standing up to your boundaries: "Look. You can talk to these men all you want. But if you continue to disregard my feelings and shrug them off as immature or irrelevant, then by all means keep doing what you are doing. In the meantime, if you do continue to disrespect my opinions or thoughts by your continued actions, then I should tell you that I will then have to decide myself whether or not I wish to remain in a relationship with someone that holds so little regard for my feelings."
Don't be scared to state your boundaries. If you are scared, your wife will see this as weakness, and will continue to lose respect for you. Loss of respect equals loss of love, and eventually leads to that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk she will will eventually give you.
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Yes this is post is spot on advice. She will lose all respect for you and then it is downhill from there. Don't tread lightly on this issue.
She is going to buck and scream and carry on but believe me, it will be worth it in the end.
I have been through similar circumstances. Before she started chatting to some guy friends online, she gave me a lot of respect and even cared about my movie selections and we were actually quite close. Then the chatting to her friends started and it became an almost nightly affair. They shared their feelings on movies and tv series and became really close. Needless to say, at that time she was starting to call me a loser, avoiding physical affection with me and the whole thing became such a mess that I went to a lawyer and got ready to get out. That was just 7 months into the marriage.
We have had numerous arguments over it and I have reached the point where I too have had to lay down the law. Right now she is overseas visiting her family. We talk every day on the computer and our relationship struggles on. I have grown apathetic to a certain degree. But there's a lot of fight in me.
I added one of her male friends that she cheated on me with (by going out to dinner with him behind my back). Sure enough, tonight she told me that he had told her about me chatting to him.
The whole thing is a sick joke. I figure I can't do anything while she is away. No way to control her chatting to these men. But when she gets back home in a couple of weeks time, it's a choice for her to make between me or the other men. And I am willing to fight to the death on this issue to get her to stop chatting up these two men. Because what she has done already is cause massive embarrassment to my family (my parents found out she went to dinner with this bloke) and she has caused enough hurt and resentment in me to really find it difficult to forgive her.
One half of me wishes that going forward in this marriage, things will improve, the other half already checked out.
Either way, I still love her so I am willing to challenge her to the point where she gives up these ridiculous fantasies or she loses me... I want us closer and more connected.
The thing is a woman will respect her husband if he fights for her. Sometimes that means setting the standards and raising the stakes. Then they will enjoy the happy connected bond.
If you don't do this, then she will get her needs met elsewhere and walk away from you. Women are driven by emotional needs. Simple as that.