Re: putting your foot down
My W did this crap 14 years ago and continued until Feb'10. Its bull sh*t and will lead to no good. So after some 20 lovers I had enough.
I suggest you take control and warn her of the consequences. Trust me, stop tolorating it. She will fight and blame you for being controlling, and it is, but they are putting them selve in harms way.... (for lack of a better term) they just don't know it.
See I trusted my W and didn't want to be controlling and the hole married young with kids thing, I felt it was ok for her to go out.
It wasn't...it wasn't at all. See, resentment is building with you right know. this resentment will manifiest into a distance between you and the missus and she will feel neglected. then BAMB "I didn't mean it to happen" or "it only happened once".
As you can't control your wife you can control what you will tolorate, and informing your spouse that you will no longer be married and will move on if she doesn't make the right dicisions in the marraige. Stop being afraid and confront this issue with confidence that it will lead to no good and better to be an a@@ now, then listen to your W say she found someone else.
She will get pissed, but let her know that you are in no way tring to control her and she can go out with her "friend" and it is her choice. You respect that and that your choice is to move on with someone that wants more time with you and respect me enough to always invite me along or go out with me. Inform her that you respect her friends but you are looking for something different in a marriage. This will give the illusion of not being controlling and that it is her dicision and hers alone in how she wants the marraige to go.
I wish I would have but my foot down so many years ago and I didn't, it was the things Iv'e read here at TAM that I wish I had back then, in helping me work on a marraige.
I have been there, I wish I would have done that! In stead my leaniencey left me with a cheating wife, and in all confidence I believe you situation is heading down the same road.
Come on on her birthday, really?