MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???
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Old 03-19-2011, 05:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

I've serched the Internet.
I Googled until my fingers bled.
I joined this Website.
Please men, just tell me what do you want or need in a wife?
Thank you.
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Old 03-20-2011, 05:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

=/

The answer for that question, truthfully, can only be answered on an individual basis...
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Old 03-20-2011, 08:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

I honestly cannot answer that question accurately right now. Right now, and actually, ever since about 6 months after I got married, I would have to say sexual compatibility. My wife and I are compatible on every other level except this one (although we are on a little bit of an upswing...here's hoping the momentum continues). And yet despite this one issue, or rather because of it, I have been through a living hell because she just adamantly refuses to have any true concern or sympathy for the pain and hurt she has dealt to me and put me through from her steadfast and almost completely indifferent (and at times even angry) refusal and rejection of any of my intimate advances and need for sexual fulfillment.
If my marriage falls apart, I absolutely can guarantee that this will be the reason. And if I find myself single, I will make it known (tactfully) that I will not settle for any woman who will not take my need for sexual fulfillment as anything other than a top priority, considering how I will undoubtedly place all her needs as my top priority. I refuse to be with someone who is sexually one-sided. And for that reason, I guess I'd have to say sexual compatibility is my #1 most necessary quality in a wife.
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Quote:
Originally Posted by IH8theFriendZone View Post
I honestly cannot answer that question accurately right now. Right now, and actually, ever since about 6 months after I got married, I would have to say sexual compatibility. My wife and I are compatible on every other level except this one (although we are on a little bit of an upswing...here's hoping the momentum continues). And yet despite this one issue, or rather because of it, I have been through a living hell because she just adamantly refuses to have any true concern or sympathy for the pain and hurt she has dealt to me and put me through from her steadfast and almost completely indifferent (and at times even angry) refusal and rejection of any of my intimate advances and need for sexual fulfillment.
If my marriage falls apart, I absolutely can guarantee that this will be the reason. And if I find myself single, I will make it known (tactfully) that I will not settle for any woman who will not take my need for sexual fulfillment as anything other than a top priority, considering how I will undoubtedly place all her needs as my top priority. I refuse to be with someone who is sexually one-sided. And for that reason, I guess I'd have to say sexual compatibility is my #1 most necessary quality in a wife.
Don't you think sex is the glue?
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Put it this way marriage is amazing.

But its so much work since once married people get lazy ... before my gf was open to trying things, had sex up to 4/5 times a day. When we got married at points it was 1 time every 2 weeks ... but others it was 2 times a day. Its all about communication.

I would put sex into the marriage contract. Stating how much men need it.

I think marriage is great for every reason but sex.
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

her to want more intimacy, most everything else is ok.

i would guess her answer to this question would be: "i wish he was less horny for me"
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
I've serched the Internet.
I Googled until my fingers bled.
I joined this Website.
Please men, just tell me what do you want or need in a wife?
Thank you.
this is such a great question and a question asked by my therapist to me a while back-

A woman that loves me for all that I am, for all that I am not and does not try to change me as a person.

A woman that is independent enough to make her own decisions without needing approval from me on every minor decision she needs to make.

A woman that appreciates the things i do for her and does not expect me to do those things (big difference)

A woman that through actions and not words assures me that I am her one and only. Words are hollow, it's the actions that make it believable.

A woman that takes care of herself in appearance and weight (not being shallow here, but if I take the time out to make myself presentable and go to the gym daily she can at least put the effort in as well).

A great mother to our children and a lover to her husband that she connects with.

That's what I want and need to continue on in a relationship.
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
=/
The answer for that question, truthfully, can only be answered on an individual basis...


Its really not a big mystery. IMO, its the same things a wife wants in a husband; Love, intimacy, friendship, trust, sex, a future, etc. You see, despite the emotinal differences between men and women, being equal in a relationship is paramount, and takes presedence over the biological and emotional differences between men and women.

I dont belive stereotypic views of what men want from women is what's important. This may be important during the dating and courting phase of a relationship, but in a marriage, knowing what a man wants to build a good marriage that will last a lifetime is what's most important.

On an individual level, you just have to ask the man what he wants. Every man is different, and to know what your man wants, likes, needs, or does not, you simply have to ask and LISTEN carefully.
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Men: Thank you for responding to my question.
I read all your posts.
I am slightly concerned about Spartan's reply.
You seemed a little arrogant and unrealistic to me. You seemed a little self-centered. It's just a feeling that I sensed after I read your post.
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Old 03-22-2011, 10:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Spartan's post is not arrogant at all. Everyone is different but some generally rules apply. Sexual fulfillment is a high priority but so it respect and appreciation. In many cases what the person says has very little to do with their actions. Too many of us man fail to maintain the boundary for respect and as a result the intimacy suffers as well. I think in any marriage there has to be a sense of balance in terms of fulfilling needs. When it becomes unequal problems arise as cause a great deal of anger and resentment.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Dear Bill2011:
You make a lot of sense to me. I fulfill my husband's needs but he does not fulfill mine. He says that I am too emotional needy. So, like you stated, there is a lot of resentment. I am attentive to him. I am his friend. I listen to him. I cook. Clean. Take care of the house. Organized. Caring. Loving. Great Mom. All I ask is for him to say "I Love You" every once in awhile and kiss me. I please him sexually almost daily but he does not reciprocate.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Men: Thank you for responding to my question.
I read all your posts.
I am slightly concerned about Spartan's reply.
You seemed a little arrogant and unrealistic to me. You seemed a little self-centered. It's just a feeling that I sensed after I read your post.
I do not read any arrogance in Spartan's reply, nor do I see anything he listed as unrealistic. In fact I sense a man who knows what he wants. Someone who is straight-forward.

Funny how one woman sees a man as arrogant, another sees the same man as confident.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:36 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Men: Thank you for responding to my question.
I read all your posts.
I am slightly concerned about Spartan's reply.
You seemed a little arrogant and unrealistic to me. You seemed a little self-centered. It's just a feeling that I sensed after I read your post.
I appreciate your candor VH. Marriage is tough especially when you are on the side of the marriage that doesn't get the same amount of effort that you put in to it.

So what do you do?.... you try to be even nicer, you try to do more for that person and as a result they become more distant from you and you scratch your head in bewilderment and wonder "how come I do sooooooo much for this person and in return I get nothing???" Sounds familiar? If so keep reading-

Since you are in the Men's Clubhouse, you can read through all the postings and it will in some way shape or form resemble your situation.

My arrogance as you put it stems from being in a relationship that is identical to yours (substitute wife for husband). I gave too much and expected little in return. One day when I found out my wife was having an emotional affair it dawned on me. After the hurt and the crushing of my ego subsided, I looked at my life in retrospect. Even though she did what she did and I do NOT give her a pass on what she did, I can understand why she did it.

I needed to set boundaries around my life and find out what it truly was that I wanted from a wife. Until you can answer the hard questions of what SPECIFICALLY it is you want from your spouse then you are not going to succeed in marriage.

Has this been an easy road with my wife? Absolutely not! I am not certain whether we will make it out of this together as a couple. She is not happy with these changes at all- she wants the "old" me back. The thing is that the "old" me died when the EA was discovered. What I do know is that I need to make these changes if I am going to be able to live on with her as my wife. If she cannot accept these changes then unfortunately I will go on and make a new life for myself in the future. I love her to death, PLEASE don't ever think otherwise, but above all, I love myself as a human being, a father and a husband to not change for the betterment of both of us.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

I was going to reply, but Spartan had some great points so I am taking his post and doing some editing:

A woman that loves me / herself for all that we are, for all that we are not and knows we should not try to change each other as a person.

A woman that is independent enough to make her own decisions without needing approval and allows me the same freedom.

A woman that recognizes and appreciates the things I do for her without her asking.

A woman that through actions AND words assures me that I am her one and only, and tells me if I am doing a good job expressing the same thing to her.

A woman who understands that communication is paramount, and strives to be on the same page with me at all times.

A woman that shares my desire to be physically and emotionally fit and encourages us to challenge ourselves.

A great mother to our children while not giving up herself as a wife, or an individual person.

My two cents.
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: MEN: What do you really want in a wife ???

Dear Spartan:

My sincere apology. You are the male version of me. My husband had an EA with his secretary than developed into a PA. It lasted about 6 months. And what did I do when all my friends and family said to "kick him out the door?" I forgave him and took him back. My feelings were that "everyone deserves a second chance" and "no one is perfect" and "if the role was reversed, I would want him to forgive me."

We both agreed that "we BOTH have to work on repairing our 27 year marriage" but it seems that i made ALL the changes and he made close to none. He had about 12 "requests" for me and I accomplished all but one. I did lose weight but put it back on because of I was eating out of lack of attention.

Now what?
He SAYS that he loves me but he does not SHOW it. I am starting to see a Therapist by myself this week because I feel emotionally abused. My self-esteem is low beyond words. I am confused to say the least.

Been thinking about divorce more and more lately. How much more can I give without getting anything in return?
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