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Old 03-23-2011, 02:11 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dare ya to answer!

Oh, and I take full blame for my decisions. While both of us failed to maintain a healthy marriage, it was my decision to step outside the marriage.

C
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Old 03-23-2011, 02:23 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by PBear View Post
Oh, and I take full blame for my decisions. While both of us failed to maintain a healthy marriage, it was my decision to step outside the marriage.

C
Owning it. Way to take responsibility.
As wrong as you may have been to step out prior to finalizing the separation, it's just as important to forgive yourself when moving on.
Though I can't agree with how you went about it all, my hat's off to you.
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Old 03-23-2011, 02:36 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Owning it. Way to take responsibility.
As wrong as you may have been to step out prior to finalizing the separation, it's just as important to forgive yourself when moving on.
Though I can't agree with how you went about it all, my hat's off to you.
Thanks (I think), JAG.

For me now, my focus is on understanding WHY I did something I never thought I would, and ensuring it isn't baggage I take to the next relationship. That is not acceptable to me.

As far as forgiving goes, I don't beat myself up over the decisions I made. They were really really dumb decisions. But I never thought I'd make it through life without making a few of those. I can look back and understand why I made those decisions, even if they were the wrong ones. Kinda like looking back over a traffic accident you caused, and realizing that if you would have swerved left instead of right, you could have avoided it.

The biggest thing I took away from this is that our failure was based on a failure to communicate. Both of us. That caused a sh*tstorm of other issues, but there might have been a chance if we would have communicated about them effectively and early.

C
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Old 03-23-2011, 02:39 PM   #34 (permalink)
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I have to say never cheated and never will. I can easily see how many could be tempted, most are just looking for some attention and sex. I'm not even sure I would feel guilty at this point. But either way I don't do it because I would not want it done to me. If need be I will end the marriage first.

I absolutely believe you can end a marriage over sex. It is one of our primary needs as men, we feel an emotional connection to our spouses through this process. Without it you just have a best friend / roommate who happens to be the opposite sex.
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Old 03-23-2011, 03:31 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I have never cheated, not on a wife or girlfriend. I do watch porn. It is a poor substitute for a poorer sex life.
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:38 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I have never and will not cheat. It seems like one of the cruelest things you could do to another person.

I understand how it can get to that point. Being ignored and not having your needs met for long periods leaves you with a hole inside that needs to be filled. If your spouse isn't there for you it is in people's nature to look for it somewhere else.

I've looked at porn. The frequency I look has always been related to how much or little sex we are having and how well the marriage as a whole is going. The better things are, the less I look at it.
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Old 03-24-2011, 02:34 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Crankshaw-I hate what you are going through. This separation/divorce stuff is "touch stuff." Hang in there. I believe things will get better and PLEASE keep the faith that "cheating" is NEVER a winning point for either party. Hang in there!
cheating is the lowest act, cheaters are scum of the earth, so no, my attitude has not changed, still have my morals, yeah, going thru this rubbish a 2nd is worse than the 1st time, but hey, I can smile these days, and have a joke, a friend, a bloody good friend, asked me the other day if I was really OK, I told her what you see is what you get, no act, no mask.

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"Tough stuff." NEED MORE COFFEE!!!!! LOL
know that feeling
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Old 03-24-2011, 02:36 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Ha, I just threw out some old vhs smut I had. I haven't owned a vcr in a long time!

I fronted a rock band all through my 20's but I never cheated, I took my vows seriously. Maybe a little too seriously
haven't had a VHS plaer here for, gawd, 10 or more years, dunno why the videos are still here (neatly packed in a box!)
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