Wife does not show any affection-need advice - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2011, 01:40 PM Thread Starter
Reg
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Angry Wife does not show any affection-need advice

A little background info: Married for 15 years, high school sweethearts, 2 kids 13/8. My wife is a stay at home mom for the last 10 years. Kids are busy in after school programs.

I have provided the family with a very comfortable lifestyle, work very hard in a high stress job to provide them with everything they could wish for.

I spend all my free time with my family, don't play golf anymore or hang out with the boys. I try and clean the house as much as I can, go grocery shopping and do 50% of the cooking to help out. I buy my wife gifts without any occasion, send flowers, etc. She never buys me any gifts or plan a date nights for us.

I do take care of myself, work out , dress in up to date fashion and so on...

The problem is that over the last few years my wife has stopped showing affection completely and I can't figure out why! I never get a kiss or even a hug, even when I have a very stressfull day. When we do get into an arguement about it she does try and put an effort in but it only lasts a few days.

Needless to say sex has almost completely stopped and she never initiates.

My wife is still very good looking and very fit so no issues there.
The odd thing is that she dressed stylishly at home but in the last few months has taken to wearing big "grandma" type sweaters around the house and has also thrown out all her sexy panties. It looks like she is trying to make sure I don't get turned on.

The other bone of contention is that she never comes to bed when I do. I work late and even if I am exhausted I will make the effort to spend time with her over a cup of tea every night just so that we have time together. She will fall asleep on the couch for 2-3 hours before coming to bed and then she sleeps on the far side in her new unsexy pajamas (used to wear sexy gowns up until a few months ago).

I don't know what to do! I'm at a loss...I can't think of making her life any easier. I think that I still have some appeal, women are attracted to me in and out of work but I have never cheated.

Sorry for the long post but I need some advice here please...do I leave, She pushing me to have an affair?

The talks have gotten minimal results and she does not want to go to counselling. Help!!!

Last edited by Reg; 04-13-2011 at 01:57 PM. Reason: spelling
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2011, 02:12 PM
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Re: Wife does not show any affection-need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reg View Post
A little background info: Married for 15 years, high school sweethearts, 2 kids 13/8. My wife is a stay at home mom for the last 10 years. Kids are busy in after school programs.

I have provided the family with a very comfortable lifestyle, work very hard in a high stress job to provide them with everything they could wish for.

I spend all my free time with my family, don't play golf anymore or hang out with the boys. I try and clean the house as much as I can, go grocery shopping and do 50% of the cooking to help out. I buy my wife gifts without any occasion, send flowers, etc. She never buys me any gifts or plan a date nights for us.

I do take care of myself, work out , dress in up to date fashion and so on...

The problem is that over the last few years my wife has stopped showing affection completely and I can't figure out why! I never get a kiss or even a hug, even when I have a very stressfull day. When we do get into an arguement about it she does try and put an effort in but it only lasts a few days.

Needless to say sex has almost completely stopped and she never initiates.

My wife is still very good looking and very fit so no issues there.
The odd thing is that she dressed stylishly at home but in the last few months has taken to wearing big "grandma" type sweaters around the house and has also thrown out all her sexy panties. It looks like she is trying to make sure I don't get turned on.

The other bone of contention is that she never comes to bed when I do. I work late and even if I am exhausted I will make the effort to spend time with her over a cup of tea every night just so that we have time together. She will fall asleep on the couch for 2-3 hours before coming to bed and then she sleeps on the far side in her new unsexy pajamas (used to wear sexy gowns up until a few months ago).

I don't know what to do! I'm at a loss...I can't think of making her life any easier. I think that I still have some appeal, women are attracted to me in and out of work but I have never cheated.

Sorry for the long post but I need some advice here please...do I leave, She pushing me to have an affair?

The talks have gotten minimal results and she does not want to go to counselling. Help!!!
Passive-aggression it sounds like. You will need to ask her point blank what the problem is. If she says "nothing" Then let her know that nothing is turning into a lovebuster for you. If she comes back with some excuse, address it, and explain that once it is addressed, it should no longer be a factor and it's done with and time to move on. You gotta peel the onion and be plenty patient. I am still working on mine but have made damn good headway lately. Also, stop taking on the lion's share of the duties. If she is not working, you need to let her take on the domestic stuff while you go out and earn the money to provide her with home, hearth and the like.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2011, 02:24 PM
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Re: Wife does not show any affection-need advice

Reg,

You sound like a really nice guy.

It's likely your problems begin there.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-cl...reference.html

I imagine you'll find stories similar to yours in these links.

We're here to kick it around with you if you like.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Reg View Post
A little background info: Married for 15 years, high school sweethearts, 2 kids 13/8. My wife is a stay at home mom for the last 10 years. Kids are busy in after school programs.

I have provided the family with a very comfortable lifestyle, work very hard in a high stress job to provide them with everything they could wish for.

I spend all my free time with my family, don't play golf anymore or hang out with the boys. I try and clean the house as much as I can, go grocery shopping and do 50% of the cooking to help out. I buy my wife gifts without any occasion, send flowers, etc. She never buys me any gifts or plan a date nights for us.

I do take care of myself, work out , dress in up to date fashion and so on...

The problem is that over the last few years my wife has stopped showing affection completely and I can't figure out why! I never get a kiss or even a hug, even when I have a very stressfull day. When we do get into an arguement about it she does try and put an effort in but it only lasts a few days.

Needless to say sex has almost completely stopped and she never initiates.

My wife is still very good looking and very fit so no issues there.
The odd thing is that she dressed stylishly at home but in the last few months has taken to wearing big "grandma" type sweaters around the house and has also thrown out all her sexy panties. It looks like she is trying to make sure I don't get turned on.

The other bone of contention is that she never comes to bed when I do. I work late and even if I am exhausted I will make the effort to spend time with her over a cup of tea every night just so that we have time together. She will fall asleep on the couch for 2-3 hours before coming to bed and then she sleeps on the far side in her new unsexy pajamas (used to wear sexy gowns up until a few months ago).

I don't know what to do! I'm at a loss...I can't think of making her life any easier. I think that I still have some appeal, women are attracted to me in and out of work but I have never cheated.

Sorry for the long post but I need some advice here please...do I leave, She pushing me to have an affair?

The talks have gotten minimal results and she does not want to go to counselling. Help!!!
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2011, 03:58 PM
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Re: Wife does not show any affection-need advice

Listen to Conrad.
I, too, was a Nice Guy, with a situation eerily similar to yours, so I started manning up, and although it took some time, she eventually started to come around, and things are getting better. Hell, SHE asked ME for sex today!
Be patient and man up. You'll be glad you did.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2011, 04:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife does not show any affection-need advice

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice. A couple of my buddies also had similar reccomendations
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