If he's still saying he's "not sure" then there is your answer.
I would not get your hopes up. You are making it way too easy for him, Tob.
People who want to be committed to someone ARE committed and don't use the BS line of "Idk what to do/I"m confused/Not sure."
The bold bit- my feelings too. I don't think I realised it before, I was too busy empathising/worrying/trying to know "what it's like for him." Not negative behaviours in and of themselves, but I got so stuck in them that I forgot about ME.
Today was awkward. He felt better. I wanted to talk about things to outline how things were going to be from now- but I didn't want to spoil the day for the little ones so I kept putting it off
Anyhow. What ended up was me and him talking about how we could move forward if he moved back in, what we could change and how. Although it started off quite positive, particularly from him, it spiralled into more of the same on his part.
He had to twist it round to make it about what HE would find acceptable in order to come "home." Whilst I am happy to acknowledge he does have his own issues, I was not having this be about him in order to dampen down his part in this. I called him on it.
I outlined (again) what *I* would need. I was careful to be specific and give examples of what would help me to move forward in trusting him. Nothing outrageous, you understand. Things like him letting me know via a quick call or text each day where he was working (he said he "might not have time/be too busy" or he "might forget.) Also if she DID text, to save said texts (he threw his phone across the room then, said he had saved the last text she sent- there was one the other day.) He said he felt he had been doing these things, said he felt I would carry on with this forever, even though I outlined also that I would only need this for as long as I could see that he WAS the trustworthy person he said he was.
It all crumbled further when he said he would love to come back, but didn't know how he would feel after the older two came back at the start of next week. He said he thought we were already "seeing how it went." I said I didn't want "seeing how it went" or him committing until things got hard, or we fell out- I wanted a full commitment from him to working through the issues with the support of seeing a counsellor. He kept saying he wanted to come back but just didn't know if he would feel differently with the older kids back. I said I am not having this situation and that he needed to live elsewhere.
He wanted to stay tonight as he'd said he would get up with the babies tomorrow morning, and suggested he sleep on the sofa to keep out of the way. No, I said. He asked again. I said no. He said he'd wanted us to take them swimming tomorrow (ie go out together.) I said nothing. He just walked out.
Oh so hard *sigh* It feels like the right thing to do- it doesn't mean it's easy though.