What I want to know is how you eat 5 pudding cups and snack on these foods like this and don't gain weight. Is there a diet I don't know about because this sounds pretty good!
You can if you eat nothing else.
My eating habits have gotten weird since last year.
I'll skip breakfast, eat no lunch, then eat 5 pudding cups and maybe a salad for dinner.
So I don't eat regular meals and sometimes skip a few and just eat snacks. I used to feel you had to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner because that's what you do.
I now eat when I'm hungry.
That's how I do it - maybe not very healthy - but hey, I get to have my cake and eat it too!
I know a woman who had rectal cancer. She happened to smoke. Her oncologist told her it was because of smoking. Her response was "Doc I didn't smoke out my ass."
That's kind of the approach I would have to this too.
I get the analogy, but don't quite get what you're saying.
i think it could be 1 of 2 things...
either the TBI or
maybe because of the way he sees himself now, seeing you eat like that makes him see himself like that more? if that makes any sense. maybe like holding a mirror in front of him.
i think you either need to attribute it to the TBI and let it go or explain to him that you need to understand WHAT he is saying and the only way for you to is for him to explain it more.
Sometimes that's a challenge because I don't think he knows what he is saying at times.
He is projecting and trying to take you down a peg because you are becoming too confident. The tummy tuck, weight loss looking better. He knows when you become more confident he will look less and less attractive and you may leave him. he sounds toxic and you would certainly be justified in leaving him, he does not appreciate you.
Just keep working on your self and the next time he trys to knock you down smile and walk away. Keep shovel eating what you want however you want it's your house make yourself comfortable. Or if you feeling particularly annoyed tell him the look of his fat azzzz when he stands up makes you want to vomit.
Don't listen to me I am not a nice person.
Seriously, he is trying to upset you and keep you unbalanced. . Besides why do you need to decode a man like him? You are taking care of him, that's more than most people would do with a jerk don't waste time decoding, he is already getting more than he deserves.
Besides a man should never pass judgement on his wife. You seem to have not set bounderies as to how you want to be treated. Posted via Mobile Device
Maybe, but he may also not be truly aware of how things are coming across - maybe, maybe not.
Do I have a lot of boundaries, no, never have and probably never will.
But I have put my foot down on a few things that have not been breached - such as: any physical violence, a deal breaker and it hasn't occurred since the incident in December. A sexless marriage - won't do it and he now knows it - he is working on it, slowly but working. Binge drinking - also a deal breaker and he knows it now and has also been dealing with it, slowly, but dealing with it.
So I have established some, and maybe I'll work on others.
I get the analogy, but don't quite get what you're saying.
Can you decode this "manspeak" for me?
Men are simple to understand. We mean what we say with as little BS as possible. Husband is repelled by watching his wife eat (ok that's a little weird but so be it) he means "When I watch you eat it's pretty off-putting." It doesn't mean he hates you. It doesn't mean he thinks you're a mall rhino who smells. It means "Great god damn woman, what are you doing scarfing down all that at one sitting?"
And I can say this because I find compulsive behavior infinitely irritating too. Tell him "So don't look".
To a degree, I think I understand some of your motivations for trying not to let the TBI influence your decisions. For the first few years I knew my wife, you would never know that she was bipolar. Even now, as I think of those years, it brings tears to my eyes. I stayed true to her for those few years, when she was the most incredible person I knew. What I didn't know, however, was that her parents had her in an extremely emotionally controlled environment, one that a husband could never replicate, and wouldn't want to. Maybe to some degree, you see within him the hidden person within, the one you fell in love with. I hope you are not offended by me saying so.
That said, in my current job, I am a fixer of intellectual talent. I read people, and it is a big part of my job taking very intelligent, but currently dysfunctional professionals, and getting them back on track. I make a lot of money doing so. Although I lead technical people who develo new technologies in the auto industry, gradually, other groups started sending their 'defective' personalities to me, and most can learn to function well. So, I have the unique job description of being a technical talent leader. I just can't help but wonder if when a person's response follows predictable, and common behaviors of dealing with resentment, if you can still call this a TBI deficit.
See, my wife is bipolar, and says some hurtful, manic-driven things that are part of her disease. They're just not normal. But she also uses alot of woman-speak to deal with her resentment. Its easy for her to lash out instead of dealing with the reason she wants to hate herself. Some mental processes are normal, some are not. Bipolar, and maybe TBI, affect regions of the brain, but not every thought process. TBI does create a mental evirpnment of confusion, and maybe anger, though.
As Brennan said, its just not fair to yourself to lump everything into the TBI realm. Especially things that can be fixable, and normal resentment-speak. He can learn, even now, that such comments will only hurt.
Either way, I don't want you to be offended. I wish you well.
And I'm not.
Thank you so much.
And I agree that EVERYTHING is not to blame on the TBI. But, as his doctor has indicated, you can't pick and choose what it TBI related and what isn't - you have to deal with the entire package as it is.
And I am...slowly and maybe not in the manner others would - but I am.
Men are simple to understand. We mean what we say with as little BS as possible. Husband is repelled by watching his wife eat (ok that's a little weird but so be it) he means "When I watch you eat it's pretty off-putting." It doesn't mean he hates you. It doesn't mean he thinks you're a mall rhino who smells. It means "Great god damn woman, what are you doing scarfing down all that at one sitting?"
And I can say this because I find compulsive behavior infinitely irritating too. Tell him "So don't look".
That I understand and that was part of my take-away from it too.
So I don't eat 5 pudding cups in front of him anymore.
Just read this thread now. Loosly translated... maybe there is some lost in the translation, but he probably wanted a BJ.... or he was saying that you don't initiate sex or dress as sexy as you used to, he was probably saying that he misses the was it was in the old times with regard to the sex.
I can't comment on the backstory or all the other discussion in this thread, since I have't kept up on it.
'Shoveling food into your face' is a really bad choice of words, though. It sounds coarse and insulting.
I guess I can understand the basic message of what he meant -- He was communicating his feeling that you should be more careful about what you eat. Whether or not this is justified/correct, I don't know.
It sounds like he didn't put much thought into how he thought you might respond to his words, either. He just said them, you asked a followup question and he wasn't able to answer it, which to me says he just blurted out his feeling without thinking it through at all.
It sounds like he didn't put much thought into how he thought you might respond to his words, either. He just said them, you asked a followup question and he wasn't able to answer it, which to me says he just blurted out his feeling without thinking it through at all.
And that may be the simpliest answer of all...thanks!
I'm not losing any sleep over it - was just confused.
MWIL,
I understand from your posts, that you had a strong feeling, that your husband was trying to get a message accross, but you could not understand it.
My impression is, that he might have tried to say something important but didn't have access to the appropriate words. Brain-injured people somtimes have pre-verbal thoughts but cannot translate them into words because of damage in the speech area. I remember a guy who due to a stroke had only two sentences left, he could express. The first was "you are d**n right", the second "Oh my God". So he used the first one to say "yes", and the second to say "no". He had no other means of communication left.
The fact that your husband kept using the same phrase when you asked him to explain what he meant makes me think that he might have had something specific on his mind, but just could not "translate" it properly. If that is the case he hopefully might be able make himself clear on another day
This is not "manspeak". He's just being an idiot and from the sounds of your post he might be insecure and hate himself. A man who loves his wife and finds her attractive should want to basically eat her up ike pudding and ask for seconds and thirds.
The difference between women and hookers is that when a hooker tells you it's $50 more for anal, it doesn't mean that she's unsure of your commitment to your relationship and she feels vulnerable but not too vulnerable she just wants you to prove it. It means it's $50 more for anal. Men 'get' hookers on that level.
Didn't realize hookers weren't women. Don't even get me started on men who patronize them.
Re: Guys - Decode "Manspeak" for Me Please! 
