seeking sanity

Here's the thing, you aren't responding so much as being defensive and justifying yourself. I bring it up because it may be part of a larger dynamic that is making communication more difficult between you and your husband.

2nd_t!me iz_best

funny, i havent gotten that message from her.

MarriedWifeInLove

And I really hate to say this - but this is a typical male response to someone wishing to impart "the whole story" not just their view of what they believe the story is.

As you will note, you stated that I was telling him he shouldn't feel that way - never said that during the conversation and didn't post that here.

He can feel however he wants to feel - but guess what - so can I.

His feelings are not more important than mine and vice versa.

When you come out with a blanket statement and don't follow it up with facts or "why" you feel that way - what am I supposed to do - just take it on blind faith, when I have no idea what you are referring to and just accept it and move on?

I, as a woman, don't have the right to ask for details?

That's basically what you're saying in a nutshell.

And because I wish to have details to "understand" his point of view - that means I'm defensive and justifying myself?

When you "dismiss" our right to question the things you say - then you "dismiss" us - this is how it feels to me. When I say something to my husband and he asks for more details, I don't shut down, feel I'm being punished, etc., I give him answers. Why is it so difficult for men to do the same - it's what they expect - why can't I expect it either?

But thanks for the comment - I do appreciate it - but this last remark wasn't on point (not to me).

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

seeking sanity

I'm going unsubscribe from this thread. I'm not trying to invalidate your perspective or dismiss you. I'm trying to point out how your communication might be hurting your relationship. You insist on being defensive by saying I have a male response (duh) and implying that a male response is somehow bad.

Yes, you have a right to ask for details. But you aren't asking, you are defending. Asking would be, "what do you mean by that?" "What about that makes you...?" Defensiveness is justifying your behaviour.

Another perfectly valid response would be: I find that insulting. I find that hypocritical. You don't have to tell me those things. I don't want to hear it.

MarriedWifeInLove

And I heard you.

But I find the "way" you stated it to be dismissive and insulting. Your male response was bad to me.

I asked those very questions.

The perfectly valid response is not how I am. Two wrongs don't make a right. Those statements would have put him on the defensive, which would have further erroded the conversation.

But I appreciate your input.

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford