My husband and I had an actual pleasant, non-confrontational discussion about something Sunday, but it was coded in manspeak (I think he was trying to be sensitive), and even though I asked several questions to make sure I understood exactly what he was saying, I'm still confused.
So I need your help in "decoding" exactly what he was trying to get across.
My husband mentioned that he did not find me "attractive" when I was shoveling food into my face.
I asked him what do you mean shoveling?
He mentioned - when you eat 5 or 6 pudding cups at night or snack on pita chips, or whatever.
I responded that I didn't "shovel" food in my face (I eat very ladylike with my mouth closed, etc.), and that why did it matter if I was eating 5 or 6 pudding cups if I wasn't fat and hadn't gained any weight - why was it an issue?
He then repeated - I don't find you attractive when you shovel all that food in your face.
I then repeated - if I'm not fat and I'm not gaining weight, what does it matter what I eat (apparently it was WHAT I was eating, not HOW I was eating it)?
To which he responded - I want you like you were when I married you. Not fat, not skinny, but in-between, like you were.
I then responded - so you don't think my body should have changed at all after 3 kids and 27 years?
No response.
So - here's the deal.
I'm actually not fat at all.
I weight only 10 lbs more than the weight he married me at.
I actually lost a lot of weight last year due to stress and a medical condition.
I'm wearing the "same size" clothing I was when we married.
My stomach is an issue, a lot of hanging skin from the weight loss and babies - but I am scheduled for surgery for a full tummy tuck next month, which will take care of that issue.
In the meantime, while I shrunk, he grew. Mostly due to inactivity from his TBI and medications he's on. He's gained weight, I haven't.
So what was he referring to exactly?
And why would he be on my case about "what" I'm eating if I'm not fat and not gaining weight? Especially when HE has gained the weight?
Was this just another excuse for why our sex life still isn't back on track or what?
I'm still confused as to exactly WHAT he was referring to.
My husband and I had an actual pleasant, non-confrontational discussion about something Sunday, but it was coded in manspeak (I think he was trying to be sensitive), and even though I asked several questions to make sure I understood exactly what he was saying, I'm still confused.
So I need your help in "decoding" exactly what he was trying to get across.
My husband mentioned that he did not find me "attractive" when I was shoveling food into my face.
I asked him what do you mean shoveling?
He mentioned - when you eat 5 or 6 pudding cups at night or snack on pita chips, or whatever.
I responded that I didn't "shovel" food in my face (I eat very ladylike with my mouth closed, etc.), and that why did it matter if I was eating 5 or 6 pudding cups if I wasn't fat and hadn't gained any weight - why was it an issue?
He then repeated - I don't find you attractive when you shovel all that food in your face.
I then repeated - if I'm not fat and I'm not gaining weight, what does it matter what I eat (apparently it was WHAT I was eating, not HOW I was eating it)?
To which he responded - I want you like you were when I married you. Not fat, not skinny, but in-between, like you were.
I then responded - so you don't think my body should have changed at all after 3 kids and 27 years?
No response.
So - here's the deal.
I'm actually not fat at all.
I weight only 10 lbs more than the weight he married me at.
I actually lost a lot of weight last year due to stress and a medical condition.
I'm wearing the "same size" clothing I was when we married.
My stomach is an issue, a lot of hanging skin from the weight loss and babies - but I am scheduled for surgery for a full tummy tuck next month, which will take care of that issue.
In the meantime, while I shrunk, he grew. Mostly due to inactivity from his TBI and medications he's on. He's gained weight, I haven't.
So what was he referring to exactly?
And why would he be on my case about "what" I'm eating if I'm not fat and not gaining weight? Especially when HE has gained the weight?
Was this just another excuse for why our sex life still isn't back on track or what?
I'm still confused as to exactly WHAT he was referring to.
Any HELP would be appreciated!
That's definitely not any dialect of manspeak I recognize. It sounds like he is pissed about something else he finds uncomfortable to talk about, and has focused on something that I personally would not even give a second thought.
Good grief - talk about being evasive. I'm not trying to suggest that it is at all a fair comment, but it's possible that he is suggesting that you sit around sometimes, resting and snacking, and he finds this unnattractive. In reality, though, it is possible that at one time, he was busy or wanted your attention, and you just happened to be relaxed. Maybe in the past, you were once high energy, or at least he perceived it, or maybe you were always available for him?
As a guy with a diverse group of friends, this undercurrent seems to come up. Especially when the younger wife is more or less waiting on 'standby mode' for him to want to spend time together, or do something, and then transitions to midlife calm. You hear some guys saying that she's always just sitting and feeding her face. I find it to be a very selfish type of comment.
He should just realize that he's lucky that you haven't taken his approach to health.
Good grief - talk about being evasive. I'm not trying to suggest that it is at all a fair comment, but it's possible that he is suggesting that you sit around sometimes, resting and snacking, and he finds this unnattractive. In reality, though, it is possible that at one time, he was busy or wanted your attention, and you just happened to be relaxed. Maybe in the past, you were once high energy, or at least he perceived it, or maybe you were always available for him?
As a guy with a diverse group of friends, this undercurrent seems to come up. Especially when the younger wife is more or less waiting on 'standby mode' for him to want to spend time together, or do something, and then transitions to midlife calm. You hear some guys saying that she's always just sitting and feeding her face. I find it to be a very selfish type of comment.
He should just realize that he's lucky that you haven't taken his approach to health.
I could understand that if I did sit around.
He is disabled - can't work.
I work a full-time job, take care of him when I get home, the house, medical appt's, food, errands, bills, etc.
In fact - he once made the comment that whatever my faults were, being lazy wasn't one of them.
I think it has something to do with the 5 or 6 pudding cups - he kept mentioning the pudding cups - weird.
All I know is I quit eating pudding cups in front of him - if that doesn't solve the issue, then I don't know what the hell is up -
I work a full-time job, take care of him when I get home, the house, medical appt's, food, errands, bills, etc.
In fact - he once made the comment that whatever my faults were, being lazy wasn't one of them.
I think it has something to do with the 5 or 6 pudding cups - he kept mentioning the pudding cups - weird.
All I know is I quit eating pudding cups in front of him - if that doesn't solve the issue, then I don't know what the hell is up -
Suffice it to say he not speaking manspeak code, so we cannot help there and you are back to needing him to decode his statement for you. Is he squeamish about pudding? His statement is just weird and could be easily explained by him if he wished, unless his condition precludes that.
That's definitely not any dialect of manspeak I recognize. It sounds like he is pissed about something else he finds uncomfortable to talk about, and has focused on something that I personally would not even give a second thought.
I don't know what he would have been pissed about. We have had a pretty good few weeks, no arguments that day, nothing.
He just kind of casually started the conversation and then ended it.
I work a full-time job, take care of him when I get home, the house, medical appt's, food, errands, bills, etc.
In fact - he once made the comment that whatever my faults were, being lazy wasn't one of them.
I think it has something to do with the 5 or 6 pudding cups - he kept mentioning the pudding cups - weird.
All I know is I quit eating pudding cups in front of him - if that doesn't solve the issue, then I don't know what the hell is up -
I wasn't very clear. Eating multiple servings of anything is taken as lazy by some guys. Even celery. Of course, this is BS, but its manspeak. Understanding gives you a BS degree in manspeak, if you like.
Sitting around and being unavailable while doing so can elicit the same types of comments, but rarely kind. It's more of the BS stuff. Maybe MS (more of the same), or PHD (piled higher and deeper) if you want to elevate a degree in manspeak.
Just be glad it wasn't ice cream. Then, you just as well have been wearing the giant rollers and a fluffy housecoat, watching soaps, and ignoring him. Sorry!
You could switch to Giga Pudding (Japanese) and only eat one container at a time:
(It's a pretty large tub of pudding.)
-OOE
P.S. It would likely bother me, too. I used to binge, and the thought (or sight) of someone engaging in similar behavior is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
People, this is a man who is overweight, binge drinks, addicted to porn , verbally and physically abuses MWIL. Can we assume that she is indeed not lazy and that he is a bone fide jerk? He has and will always find something wrong with her. I have no idea how she has the patience to stay with this urchin.
THAT was a pleasant conversation? He is overly critical, inactive, overweight, unemployed, insensitive, tactless, unloving, and somehow he becomes someone whose opinion you value. It doesn't make sense to me. I used to work with a person like this. The dysfunctional approach to this form of insanity is to try to improve yourself and take his nonsense personally...of course this is impossible because the criticism is unfounded.
I wasn't very clear. Eating multiple servings of anything is taken as lazy by some guys. Even celery. Of course, this is BS, but its manspeak. Understanding gives you a BS degree in manspeak, if you like.
Sitting around and being unavailable while doing so can elicit the same types of comments, but rarely kind. It's more of the BS stuff. Maybe MS (more of the same), or PHD (piled higher and deeper) if you want to elevate a degree in manspeak.
Just be glad it wasn't ice cream. Then, you just as well have been wearing the giant rollers and a fluffy housecoat, watching soaps, and ignoring him. Sorry!
And that's what I was looking for - some decoding help.
I did quit eating any snacks or getting seconds of anything since he mentioned it - weird, but if that keeps the peace, then fine.
I'm trying to get our sex life revived, don't want to do anything that he would find unattractive to derail me!
People, this is a man who is overweight, binge drinks, addicted to porn , verbally and physically abuses MWIL. Can we assume that she is indeed not lazy and that he is a bone fide jerk? He has and will always find something wrong with her. I have no idea how she has the patience to stay with this urchin.
That was part of my point. The sheer selfishness of finding something unattractive in someone who should be regarded as a saint is appalling to the point of being absurd. I could be totally wrong, but it is not unusual to see self-absorbed guys focus on eating snacks as being unnattractive in a woman. MWIL is likely one of the strongest people I've ever met for being able to seperate herself from the kind've emotions most of us would give in to in this environment.
People, this is a man who is overweight, binge drinks, addicted to porn , verbally and physically abuses MWIL. Can we assume that she is indeed not lazy and that he is a bone fide jerk? He has and will always find something wrong with her. I have no idea how she has the patience to stay with this urchin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckyman
THAT was a pleasant conversation? He is overly critical, inactive, overweight, unemployed, insensitive, tactless, unloving, and somehow he becomes someone whose opinion you value. It doesn't make sense to me. I used to work with a person like this. The dysfunctional approach to this form of insanity is to try to improve yourself and take his nonsense personally...of course this is impossible because the criticism is unfounded.
I am astounded that this was a pleasant conversation. Despite his tone or whatever else, he was being really awful.
Guys - Decode "Manspeak" for Me Please! 
His statement is just weird and could be easily explained by him if he wished, unless his condition precludes that.
