Originally Posted by F-102
DB, let me start by saying that maybe I came down hard with some words I used, but I was having a bad day, and I needed to drop my bombs-unfortunately, you were the first thing I saw.
But about the BS of "no real answer", of course the kids do it-they see mom getting away with it every time.
DB, PLEEEASE!!! You have to show those kids that there will be consequences, and that is the main reason that I came down on you. Otherwise, they will grow up thinking that looking down on the floor is acceptable. Didn't you say you were military? (I may be mistaken) But what would your CO or 1SGT do to you if you just "looked at the floor" when they asked you a question?
Your right on the no answers thing. If I had figured out it was her bottling it up and building up resentment maybe then to things would be different in her head. Still I do not take responsibility for Affair. IC and i discussed some of this today.
Most of our disagreeing is done when the kids are at school so lucky for them/me I have them the majority of the time. I only had a few weeks when i was really off with them. Otherwise I have been able to remain consistent with all aspects of their lives.
F 102- I have wanted to ask If you flew them.
Came down hard, if i couldn't handle it I wouldn't be typing right now.
That's part of the problem today, you cant yell at anyone, you can't really punish, you have to PC everything and be careful not to hurt feelings.................
If every kid in the world had a good dose of tough love balanced by the norm this country would be in a much better place.
So Yup I am a nice guy. My dad is a nice guy and at 67 is finally fed up with my mom at a great personal and financial expense to himself. Gave him the NMMNG book.
So to go through with that yesterday went against the fiber of my being and that is why I came into this forum. I needed the backing she needed a push. I would have backed down otherwise. The great thing about this forum is for all I know I see you everyday at the gas station, but the anonimity allows for blatant honesty. If that makes me grow up more than fine .
Why havent i filed for Divorce: I actually love this woman and I believe when you really love someone if you are strong enough secure enough in yourself and have reached the point after this shock that you realize you can live with or without them it becomes a choice.
To me it is a logical choice, I could make it a math choice by budget and the number of times a week I will have to see her anyway. The simple fact that we really haven't worked to recover yet. So I was hoping pushing her off the fence would push her to recovery however I now believe she is to afraid to face herself. I also believe that if we actually worked at it we could reconcile in a healthy way.
The kids are the next victims they know we have some disagreements but there are no yelling matches. There are no real indicators to them. I have seen stats that the kids suffer so much and I have 4 12 and under, YAY........regression, depression etc etc.
It was 24 hours from the time I gave her everything yesterday until I saw her again. She got up to get ready for work, obviously sad, she asked me why I bought somethin the honest response was because i thought my wife would like it she teared up shortly after.
We Had an event for our kids at the church. She actually had to go in I am wondering If she is surprised she didn't burst into flames
. She went to work, and texted saying, "She will write a note when she can find the words that will not cause her harm. She said she won't threaten anymore(moving out) She just needs some time to put her stuff together. She believes i will be happier. That she can see and that is all she wants for me"(hmm she should have thought of that before the A)
I told it is her choice to leave this Marriage because the honest truth is I want my family whole and Healthy.
She doesn't believe me............yet she broke the trust.
To me giving it the all is at least putting a year into it regular MC, a solid weekend retreat of some type and coaching or mentoring by someone who has been there recovered from that.
So no I do not want to live in an unhealthy marriage no, but am i still willing to work yes call me crazy.
For the record I actually feel ok right now.